What color are your eyes??

       I have brown eyes. Growing up I always felt like I didn't have as pretty of eyes as girls with blue eyes. My best friend had blue eyes. My mom told me she had hoped that when she married a man with blue eyes, her children would have blue eyes. Once in school while talking about discrimination, the teacher had told us about an experiment that another class had done where the brown eyed kids were treated different then the blue. Less important. I'm sure I remember that the class switched the preferred eye color to blue the next day. But, all I remember is that brown eyes must not be as special. I wasn't upset about it. Just hoped that I had a blue eyed child. It must be prettier. Right?
      I did have a blue eyed child. In fact, I had 4 of them. I am the only one in my family with brown eyes (well, the dog did. But, we had to give him away when we moved. So just me). Well, one of those beautiful blue eyed children was a girl. A precious, 4 year old, blue eyed, blond, curly haired darling. She is as beautiful inside as she is out. (O.K. I'm a bit biased). The other day she said to me, "Mommy, I love your chocolate eyes."
     WHAT?! 
     Chocolate?
     I had never heard them called that before?
     Chocolate is wonderful.
     I like chocolate. A LOT!
     A child's perspective is completely amazing and different then ours. I had never thought of my eyes as chocolate color. I love it. Aren't you jealous of my chocolate eyes? You only have blue. So sad for you!! HaHaHa. 
     So there you have it. 
     She sadly told me she wished she had my black straight hair too. Oh no little one. You are a dead ringer for Shirley Temple. You are one spectacular little girl. Love who God made you.
     

Baby Boy Driving.

     He was perfect. I had dreamed of him my whole life. And he was just the way I had dreamed. Soft skin, beautiful blue eyes, cute little nose, sweet little lips.
My first child. My son. My precious little darling. I loved him so much that it actually, physically hurt me. I didn't know that I could live that much. My heart swelled. It was huge with love for him.
     He grew. He loved me back. He would grab my hand. He'd cuddle up next to me to watch his favorite show. When we were apart, he'd squeal, and ran to me, so excited to see me
And the best part? Sometimes when I was really blessed, he'd look at me, and say, "Mommy, I love you."
     What more would any mom want? Yes I was smitten by my firstborn son.
Well, he's growing up. He has hit many milestones. One by one. I celebrated each one. His Birthday came yesterday. He turned 15. I thought that was a big deal. Then today happened.
Today my oldest son was learning to drive. He and my husband got in the 1972 Jeep Commando that my husband restored. The thing is super hard to drive. It's a stick shift. No power anything. Not brakes, steering. And certainly not windows. My husband says if he can drive that he can drive anything.
     So, there we go. My baby boy driving. He was so intense. Very focused. I was so proud. And misty all at once. He drove by our house about 5 times.
     Well, it's happening. He's growing up. I'm so happy he's growing up.   Also very proud. But, I'll tell you the truth. It is happening. Going quickly are the days when I am his favorite person in his life. That is good. But still pulls at a moms heart strings. Especially when it is the first born. First there will be driving, then college classes, his job and a woman. Not any woman. THE woman. The woman that will take my place. Is it weird that I see my son driving and I go to the woman that will hold my sons heart??
     I'm so excited for those days to come. I am nostalgic for the cuddle time on the couch and the little boy squealing that I'm home. So here I am. Quite aware that I am watching the end of my little boys mother worship. Have you been here? How am I supposed to feel?

The Hair Clip Distaster

             Little girl was on the toilet and starts screaming. I go running in to see what has happened.
She has dropped her hair clip down into the toilet where she has gone,... poop.
"Get it Mommy!! Get it out! Don't flush it!"
"No."
"Mommy, get it!! I want it. I love it! It's my favorite!"
" I am not putting my hand in there with your poop for a hair clip."
Disgusted look and angry darts blazed from her eyes.
"Get Daddy. He'll do it for me. D-A-D-D-Y!!!"

Dad replies, "I'll buy you a new one."
Girlie, "O.K. Daddy."

Really. I get glares and he gets an O.K. Daddy? I guess I was the one that flushed.

Stalker!!

Me: "Please carry the basket of clean clothes upstairs."
14 year old son: "Who will carry it when you get old?"
Me:"You."
Son:"What if I move away? To .....Alabama?"
Me: "I will move with you. Follow you"
Son: "That's called a Stalker."
Me: "That's called a Mom."

Things I Never Thought I would Hear or Say.

A day to remember.....

          


There are so many things on a daily basis that one of my kids will say and I will think, "did he/she really say that?"

            Couple from today:
I went to buy a new bra and I took my girlie (3) with me. I went to Nordstrom's because it has been so long since I went to buy a nice one that I was a bit overwhelmed by the choices.
I was in the dressing room trying on a bra as the sales lady left to get a couple more choices for me.
Girlie says (in her loudest voice), "Mommy, is this the BIG BOOBY STORE!"
giggles... from the other dressing rooms.....


            The next one was this morning. (Yes, I live an exciting life with these kids).
My youngest son and my girlie are in the tub while I am putting on my make-up. I had washed my hair last night and slept on it. So I wanted to wet it so I could style it. I thought, "Oh there is a tub with nice hot water. "
So, I leaned over the tub and used a cup to start wetting my hair. About half-way through, girlie says with a giggle, "Mommy, I peed in here."
FREEZE.
O.K.  So, there is a couple of the things I never thought I would hear. I will add as time goes on and the things I never thought I would have to say as well.

My Oil Is Overflowing.

        

            There are so many things in my life that 20 years ago I never would have thought I would do or be able to do. Some I am proud of, some I am still stunned. I had such a small vision of what I wanted to do with my life. I have fulfilled what I wanted to do, I suppose. I just hadn't thought of all that goes with it. When I dreamed of my life, this is where I went;
I wanted to be married to a man that adored me. Check
I wanted 2 kids. Check. Well, double check that one.
I wanted a boy and a girl. Check, check, check and ... check.
I wanted to live in a big house with a yard and a garden. Been there done that. Now I am moving on from that.
I wanted to stay home with my kids and raise them. Well, got that one covered and then some.
I wanted to be the mom that was home all day to bake cookies for when the kids came home from school, have a nice dinner, etc. Use that time during the day to get things done so I could be with my kids as they needed me when they got home. Well, curve ball number one. And it is a doozy!
Homeschooling changes that one enormously. I may have been too attached to the one where I stay home with my kids...

             After all of that life didn't seem to factor into my ideas of what it would all be like.
I never thought I'd have 4 kids. Or homeschool. That was for weird people. Freaks. I never thought I could have survived, much less, thrived through all we have been through in our marriage.
My husband and I look back over our 20 years that we have been together and we can easily see where God's hand has been. We can look at the "tapestry" and see the beautiful colors ALL weaved together. The dark sad times with the joyful happy times. Woven together are so pretty.
I always wonder about the stretching times. The times when you feel like God is just asking too much. I mean does HE really not get that I haven't had enough time to get my husbands underwear washed yet? And there is a funky smell in the bathroom that I haven't bleached out yet. There are dinners to cook, curriculum to decide, hiney's to wipe, and all of the other practicules  that keep a family of 6 just treading water. Not to mention, but we must to have, any joy, just that,... joyful things. Going to the beach, walks in the harbor, playing catch with the boys, watching the boys football games, teaching the littles to swim. These things take up time that is necessary as well.
            Then HE hits me a ball out in left field. Really. Not one I expected. I am now on the board of my homeschool group. I'm sorry, doesn't having 4 kids exempt me from being asked? Doesn't that job belong to someone with one, MAYBE 2 kids? Well, this year, God said, "NO!" It is my turn He says.
I pray often that God will send me a burning bush like Moses to make it pretty clear the direction I am supposed to go. I have ignored and justified my way out of not following God's prompts before. Well, it hurts in many ways when you are praying for God to use you and you choke when HE calls. HE makes you realize it would be much easier to just do the difficult task HE asks then... NOT. Either He will give you a swift kick in the back side or worse, HE will find someone else and pass by you the next time. "I guess that one can't be trusted to be given any responsibility."
           Well, as the offer was made to lead this group, I sat prepared to give my regrets and apologies that there was no way I should even be  expected to do the job she was asking.
         Then there it was. The burning bush. Right there. I think I even started to laugh a little and said under my breath. Well, there it is. The burning bush. Even my husband, whom I pray with often, said as I repeated all that the person who asked me had said to me, "Well, how's that burning bush looking to you?"
Which was funny because he also was prepared for me to say no. Remember, he is still waiting for his clean underwear.
            That is when my mind started to go into a state of shock. As e-mails and phone calls and meetings start taking place to frantically get some things done before the school year started for most of us, I started wondering how I could hide from it all. "WHAT HAVE I DONE!!" Really. There aren't any spare moments that are around, unless I stop sleeping (which is what I am doing to write this). Really, I do my daughters hair often while I am going potty myself. (TMI sorry).
             Then we go to church, and the last few weeks it has been brought up that with much a servant is trusted, much a servant is given.

Matthew 25:23

New International Version (NIV)

   ²³ “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’
              So the more I am willing to give as far as serving my time, my understanding is that means the more time I should be given. I really need to give lots of time then.
                 I so many times get a visual of my life. I have my hands cupped together and God is pouring oil into them. I am trying so hard to not let any of it out of my fingers to hit the floor. I can't do it. HE is pouring too much, too fast. Funny, because there are several places in the bible that to show wealth  or abundant blessings, it says my cup runs over .

Psalm 23:5

New International Version (NIV)

 ⁵ You prepare a table before me
   in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil; 

   my cup overflows. 
It talks about something running over. And oil was traded and was an important commodity in bible times. They used olive oil for so much. To have much olive oil, was a sign of wealth. My visual is incomplete. The rest is this: as I start to panic and feel like I just can't do it all. I can't be expected to DO EVERYTHING! How can I keep all of this together and not spill any of it? I know they are blessings but, how can I hold on to it all? That is when I realize, HIS hands are cupped under mine. I'm not supposed to do it all. HE will. IF HE  blessed me with something, HE will take care of it. I just have to make sure that I put HIS things first. And he will do the rest. 
                So as I count my blessings (love that song. I sing it often to myself and my kids), I realize HE is there to count them with me. God is going to bless me as long and as big as I am willing to keep following his burning bushes. If HE makes it burn, He'll make sure I can do it. 
                 NO the 17 year old me would never have been able to do all that I am and have done. But, 17 year old me, wasn't asking God for burning bushes and counting blessings. 17 year old me has learned a few things. Thankfully. 

Psalm 23:6

New International Version (NIV)

⁶ Surely your goodness and love will follow me
   all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
   forever.

Thank you Lord for the oil that overflows. 

Bats and MUMMA'S

           We don't celebrate Halloween in our house. We gave it up a long time ago. In fact, I don't know if my oldest even remembers doing it at all. My youngest have never done it.
            We were in the car and the boys were talking about it when Little Girlie pipes up, "We don't do any of that."
             "Any of what?" The boys ask her.
            "You know. Bats or Mumma's."
            " Mumma's?" I ask. "What is a Mumma?"
            "The one wrapped  in toilet paper."
           Oh. Of course.  A Mumma. Didn't you know that?

Frozen Yogurt

            I'm not a huge fan of frozen yogurt. I mean, really what is the benefit that is so great that out weighs ice cream? I LIKE ice cream. I really like ice cream. Why yogurt? It's like being on a diet and trying to pretend that you aren't. Like eating carob instead of milk chocolate. Really? Then we go and there isn't even chocolate mint. To me that is the only flavor even worth eating yogurt. So I get "Just Chocolate". That is really the name of it. Like, (in a dejected exhaling moan) "I guess I'll get Just Chocolate...." Yea! nothing says yum like Just Chocolate.
           So here I am eating frozen yogurt and it is getting cold outside. Yes, there were no seats inside. And I started telling my 2nd that he shouldn't steal his sisters mini chocolate chips. "Besides," I say,"they look like little mouse poops."
            Husband says, " Hey Heth, there is one right there."
             One what, I'm thinking.
           "You better look down. It's right there. "
            "Yea, right. " I know I can be gullible and I just said mouse but, really? I'm not fall!!!!.... AAAAAHHHHH!!! THERE IS A MOUSE UNDER MY CHAIR! SERIOUSLY! UNDER MY CHAIR!!! 
            Both legs pull up. OH NO! I don't do mice! Rodents are disgusting. OOOOO! It is nasty. Well, I realize I am pulling a famously wonderful mom moment. Again, because both of the "Littles" are shaking, have big eyes and are squealing in unison. I wait until the creepy little thing is not where I can see it anymore. Pick up my Frozen Yogurt (That stuff wasn't good or my idea. And a super gross waste of time) and toss the rest in the trash. I declare I'm cold and leaving. The Littles follow suit. Little Girlie licking a bit more of the Pink yogurt she is eating (with the mouse poop chips on it) and tosses the rest without question (this was Girlie. The one that questions everything). And jumps in the car saying,"And carry azezes (in english that is diseases)."
            O.K. I have scarred my children for life. Although the Bigs have faired quite well over the years with my mouse/rodent phobia. You know the usually giggles and peels of laughter as I walk by the little hairy monsters and shiver at the pet store. That kind of thing.
           The worst part? My brother was reminding me on the phone how Jaws had scared me when I was a kid so I wouldn't go in the ocean for half the summer. Him, he thought the movie was cheesy. He just knew King Kong was way worse anyway. My boys, having heard this conversation start saying, "I think we should call the mouse Jaws. Did you see jaws under the table mom? Ha ha ha ha!"
          The other one is a bit quicker in saying, "Not Jaws. NIBBLES!! Nibbles the Ferocious! Ha ha ha ha!"
           Great, now I'll be haunted by my children and Nibbles the killer baby mouse (Oh did I leave out the part where I was supposed to say it was a baby mouse. SO CREEPY!!). And no it isn't cute!!

I was going to put a picture of a
baby mouse but, I couldn't bring myself
to do it!! 

Shopping With The Girlie!

The bigger it spins, the better the dress. 

           

             I took my girlie for our first girls shopping trip. Nothing fancy, just Kohl's. I really hadn't shopped there much before. Just a couple of run in, run out shopping is all. And always with the whole crew.
So, this was different.
            She is 2. Well, almost 3. So she is a fashionesta. I never really got why moms would buy things or allow their daughters to dress so fancy to go out and about. Then I had Girlie.... Yep, she has a big opinion about what she wears and what she wants. She wears a pink tu-tu all the time. Just because. I was a mom of 3 boys first. I was used to going to the store with Superman, or a pirate, but a pink tu-tu? And jewelry?
             Several months ago, Girlie decided she wanted earrings. She would ask everyday. Well, I didn't have any clip on ones and piercing a 2 year olds ears isn't something I was willing to do. When she is old enough to take care of them and not get hit in the head with a soccer ball and get it embeded into the side of her neck, then we will be good to go. Well, I asked a friend where to get those stick on earrings. You know (or maybe you don't if you only have boys.)  She has 4 girls (God bless her!). Claire's was where she said to go. Full of girls pretty little do-dads.
              A place of unknown treasures to a mom of 3 boys. This  is a place I had never ventured. You know, like the pink aisle at the toy store. You just don't go there if you have boys. Well, I am learning a whole new side to parenting a girl. So much fun. The toys she likes, I would have liked. I don't have to hear her drown on about the latest Transformers, or Beyblade toy. I can only hear how Optimus Prime and blah, blah blah, fought blah, blah, to blah, blah.... They start to sound like the parents in the Peanuts cartoons. Sorry, I do listen to my kids. But, how many times do I have to listen to Death Star scenarios???
               Oh and movies. Don't get me wrong I loved Toy Story, and Cars  was great but, wouldn't it be nice to throw in a princess or two? I missed Belle and Cinderella. What about a little Tinker Bell? I am a girl for goodness sake. I did learn to love Indiana Jones but, Star Wars ( I am so sorry those of you that think it is a sacred movie) , I hate it. I can sit through some if it but, it really seems like all the same story all over again and again. (I know I am not Jedi worthy).
                All of this said, I come back to my original thought. Shopping. I used to love to shop. What girl doesn't? What wasn't to love when I had my cute high school firm body. Before kids. Well, now there are several reasons not to like it. I don't have that body anymore. I have 4 kids to take with me (Hence the body change), the kids need stuff more then I do, and it is expensive. Oh yea, and the boys don't want to shop unless it is the toy store, Gamestop, or maybe the book store. I just decided that I just didn't like to shop anymore. I would just pick up an item here or there. Needless to say my wardrobe is not anything to rave about.
                Then comes girlie. We went into that store with the intent to buy a couple pairs of shorts for me and maybe a couple of t-shirts. It was like a whole new experience. She loved it. We looked at tops together. I would try on a skirt and she would say, "Oh mommy, that is pretty. Spin."
Spin? Spin? I remember doing that as a little girl. The best dresses and skirts would spin so big. Remember that? How does she know that? Is it something a little girl is born with? To know that the best skirts spin big?  I would pick out a top and she would find me a better one.
                Then came the conversations in the dressing room. Now this got a little embarressing when I realized that everyone else in there was laughing because they could hear her. I know that is why they are laughing because one of them said, "I am loving listening to her. My daughter was the same way. She is well on her way to being your fashion coordinator."
                We were in the dressing room and I had picked out a sensible white top. Girlie declared quite loudly that it was ugly! And that I needed the purple one she picked. It was very pretty. She even told me one looked old. Not sure what that meant but, I didn't buy it.
              Then I needed undies. Well, I'm looking for beige, and ivory, maybe brown or something mellow. Every time I looked in the cart, she had thrown in these fuschia lacy panties with a diamond on the front. I gave up the 4th time and left them in. I did draw the line at the bright Pink and purple zebra striped ones. I could not have made it through the check out with a straight face with those in there.
             We even got to look at jewelry together. You know the fun bangles and dangles. I never look at those anymore. The boys are always antsy by the time I pick something out quickly and maybe try something on. I would never push them by making them sit through the bangles. Besides it isn't fun to look alone. She picked out some doozies there too. A huge bejeweled owl necklace. You know the kind that your 3rd grade teacher would have worn every day until the bug eyes would make you have bad dreams. I talked her into some fun colorful bracelets. And I bought a purse. Pink not brown because girlie said it was prettier, and she was right.
             Shopping may be fun again. I may have to try that a couple more times. Mommy and girlie time. What a totally new concept to me.
             The Lord knew what I needed at this point in my life. I have 3 wonderful boys. 3 sons. I love my boys and have done so many boy things for so many years (14 to be exact). I taught them all to enjoy baking and tea parties. All of them have had a doll at one time or another. We even owned a kitchen for a short time with the first son. The doll was never a baby and the kitchen never baked a cake; only bug pies and Hot Wheels pizza. That is fine. They had fun and so did I. I did long for an Easy Bake Oven. Or a baby dolls with all of the accessories to go with her. But, I was resigned to the fact that I would be buying and playing with Hot Wheels for the rest of my life.
              Well, not now. Girlie and I will play with the Hot Wheels but, we will also play with dolls and pretend "baby" is sleeping or is cranky and needs a nap. I will get to go shopping again and pick out pretty clothes, not just functional clothes. I will again enjoy the little more frilly side of life. Thank you God for my girlie.
                 What icing on the cake that you made her so adorable. Blond ringlet curls and big blue eyes. Not at all like me. But even more beautiful then I could have dreamed.
                 Now if I can just convince her that I am as nice as Daddy, we will be all set.

It Is Coming..... Sooner Rather Than Later

      
             I saw it. I just caught a glimpse but, it was enough to make me choke back a tiny gasp and put a lump in my throat. I knew it was coming but, to actually see it... To know that the inevitable was going to come SOME day was O.K. To know that it is here.... Excuse me while I have a good cry. Not all sad tears. Joyful, excited, anxious tears. I know I am like all other moms (especially homeschool moms) that say, "Really God? Now? Why do you make it happen so fast?! I don't think I'm ready." 
            One day he was a chubby little bug, grabbing my pants and giggling. Then he was the smiling little buddy, following Daddy everywhere around with his own work boots and tool belt on. Hammering every surface around. Now...sniff..., he is on the threshold of manhood. Really. He is taller then I am. His voice is deep and booming. His body is full of muscles cut all down his six pack stomach. He can even carry on a regular adult conversation with adults that doesn't include any words that describe bodily functions, or their sounds. 
             How is a mom to do this? How does God expect me to be anything but, bittersweet about this. I imagine Hannah must be my hero in the Bible to be able to give up her son just after he was weaned. I would have nursed that guy as long as is physically possible. I am happy he is becoming a man. And I really am seeing glimpses of a good man. One with strength of his belief in God. A man that will talk to a person no matter what they look like, or who they are. He loves to laugh and joke. He loves to read and share obscure facts. This is who he is. At least the first little bit of him. I am so anxious to see where God will lead him. 
              My husband just took him to an information night for the Mariners Sea Scouts. It is a sailing program. They teach them all about sailing but, it is in a boy scout type of format. He will be out in the ocean in a 1 man or 2 man boat at times. He will be out on a 37 foot yacht sailing to Catalina Island with a crew of men and women his age, and chaperone's. It could be a weekend trip. They have competitions with other Sea Scouts at the naval base. This isn't an easy adventure he is coming up on. This will be hard and at times intense work to do the drills that he has to do. 
              His classes for school are suddenly becoming more intense. He will have much more work to do. He is teaching the Kindergarten class (where his little brother is)at church, He is becoming a leader to others. He has been asked to be on the student council with our high school group. Girls talk to him. And he talks back!! I am so proud. (Girls can be scary. I know I am one. )
               I am ready, mostly, for him to cross that threshold but, I will watch him with an ache in my heart and a lump in my throat. My perfect little boy. My first born. The one I thought that I loved so much that I couldn't have anymore children because, I couldn't love them as much. (Little did I know that God stretches a moms heart to love and adore all of her children). When I looked into his little blue eyes, I knew this is what I was made to do. Raise him (and his brother's and sister). He was the beginning of motherhood for me. My series of milestones began with him as well. With him, I had my first Mother's day and felt so funny that someone else was going to call me Mom. I had my first Christmas that was about the "kids" and not myself or my husband. I have many firsts with him, just as I watched all of his firsts. 
                Maybe we should have a Mother's First Milestone book as well. My first time to nurse (WEEEEIIIIRD!). My first all nighter that didn't involve textbooks or a bag of Doritos and a bucket of chocolate ice cream. My first time being puked on, pooped on and snotted on. My first time to go out of the house with all 3 still on my shirt and not having a clue because I was so tired it never occurred to me to look in a mirror before I left. 
The first time my baby was hurt by another child. (I wanted to kick that kid!) The first time to go shopping and wanting to hurry through the mall because shopping wasn't (sniff) fun anymore. The first time he got hurt and I couldn't make it go away. The first time my child lost a tooth,  slept through the night, used the big potty, and was weaned to a big boy cup. All of his firsts went along side all of my firsts. I was so proud. I am so proud. 
find one that suits your life even better. 
               “Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your path.” Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)
                 He will direct your paths. He will be the best director of where you go. O.K. I am going to start bowing out now. It is your time to shine. A boy doesn't need his mommy around all the time to make sure he is doing the right thing and not missing opportunities. Baby, it is time for you to do that. Pray. Pray and read the Word. That is the best map. I will continue to be here but, on the sidelines. O.K.? I will not be the coach quite as often anymore. I am going to start becoming the cheerleader. Always here, cheering you on to YOUR success'. I am so excited to see the man that you become. I am so thrilled to watch as God guides you to the full man HE wants you to be. Just listen. Pray and listen. 
                 Now, go out and grab everything God puts in your path. Do everything with all your might. And don't forget to wave at me sometimes on the sidelines so I know you haven't forgotten about me. 
                  I love you, my darling first born. My the Lord continue to bless you and keep you close to HIM. 

YEA!! GO!!! RIGHT ON!!! WOO HOO!!!!

Well, really it will look more like this even though I feel like the other one. 

Listening When HE Talks.

          

To Listen Wholeheartedly. 

            Well, here I am again, in the middle of the night. Feeling unsettled. What is it? Why the unsettled feeling in my soul tonight? Actually, I have felt it all day. Our pastor has been talking on God talking to you and how we need to be ready and quiet and listening. It's imperative to have a dedicated prayer life and to read daily. However, he says he has talked to people that have said to him that God told them something. He says he is always amazed that they are still standing. He says that if God talked to him, he doesn't think you could even answer from the overwhelming power, awe, etc. of God himself. I suppose you could site the story of God having to put his hand over the crevice where Moses was so that He could pass by. And that the glory of God shown on Moses face when he spent time on the mount to receive the tablets. Exodus 34:29-30 ²⁹ When Moses came down from Mount Sinai with the two tablets of the covenant law in his hands, he was not aware that his face was radiant because he had spoken with the LORD. ³⁰ When Aaron and all the Israelites saw Moses, his face was radiant, and they were afraid to come near him.
In Exodus 3:6 Then he said, “I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob.” At this, Moses hid his face, because he was afraid to look at God.
              I can see how someone might say that to HEAR God would be almost (maybe) horrifying. I am struggling with this. The reason? I have heard God. I know, I have now had several of you roll your eyes and maybe even turn off this page. But, it is true. When my second son was so very sick and in the NICU for so long, I was up for many hours. I lived on very little sleep. I figured out once that I was living on 4 hours, accumulated sleep. I would catch time here and there when I could. One reason was because not all of the medical staff liked me being at my child's bedside at all hours of the day and night. I suppose, I was infringing on their turf. Not all of the nurses were that way though. Many said they would do the same. During this time, I was closer to God than I had ever been. I prayed a steady stream. I understand the passage in the Bible that says to pray without ceasing. I also read my bible a lot. I was seeking his guidance and comfort. 
            Well, one night I thought that I could slip off to bed for a few winks of sleep. My little darling was fed and sleeping. No meds scheduled for a few hours. I had a nurse that I thought was going to be on my side. Well, I had no sooner laid my head down and I heard, very clearly, "Get up! He needs you now!" I even was already on my feet. I didn't realize that there was no one in the room to say the words I heard until I hit the NICU door. Where I found the nurses all around my son's nurse as she was feeding him a bottle. (This was something that was against what I had researched. What he was wrong with my son would be helped much more with breast milk. And he had actually had a problem with the formula in the first week. ) When I walked through the door, she went pale and shook her head ( the other nurses spread out and I heard a lot of murmuring about me always being there, and I always seem to know. ) and asked, "How did you know?"
              I answered, "He told me." At the time it didn't seem strange. I just took it for granted the God had told me and it was normal. Even though I realized later that it really isn't a normal everyday occurrence. 
            Am I crazy? I didn't die. I didn't fall down in fear? Does that make me irreverent? Some would say that the sleep deprivation made me a little crazy. Maybe. But, I remember that moment in that 4 months so much more clearly then anything else. There other moments like that where I felt God's presence but, only that time when I heard him. 
           Well, as I struggle with the before mentioned sermon that was taught in church and think maybe I am crazy, I read this morning in my Bible: Acts 9:10

¹⁰ In Damascus there was a disciple named Ananias. The Lord called to him in a vision, “Ananias!”
   “Yes, Lord,” he answered.

                 Ananias didn't die either. He just answered. There are several examples just like this. 

What about Samuel? He was still a child when it happened to him. 

I Samuel 3:10- ¹⁰ The LORD came and stood there, calling as at the other times, “Samuel! Samuel!”
   Then Samuel said, “Speak, for your servant is listening.”


           Of all of the stories where God speaks or calls someone, Samuel's story is my favorite in that he is an innocent child and he doesn't even know it is God calling him. Also, it says that the Lord came and stood there. Samuel was still able to speak. 
             So with that said I think it safe to say, that God does speak on rare occasions. I am not saying that you sit and have a daily conversation in the way you and I could sit and talk. I think that when He wants to talk, He does. I just pray that if He ever talks to me again, I am listening. I am not from the camp of, "God CAN move mountains, He just chooses NOT to." I don't believe that for one minute. I believe He moves mountains everyday. We just are in a world that never stands still long enough to notice. He says, in Psalm 46:10-

¹⁰ He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
   I will be exalted among the nations,
   I will be exalted in the earth.”

           
               I know that my God talks and probably even sings. I know that he is here and everywhere. I know that He loves me and is concerned with the things that concern me. After reading that passage above about Samuel again, I know sometimes, he even stands near us. With that I hope that I can always say, "Speak, for your servant is listening."

Gratefulness. My List of 1,000 Things to Be Grateful For. (Ongoing)

        


                                                       Blessings come in all kinds of packages!!


             So, I have heard so many sermons on being thankful. I've read blogs on being truly grateful. Goodness, one of my favorite songs to sing to the kids is "Count Your Blessings". I really only sing the chorus to it when they are falling asleep ( one of the songs they like).
            It all makes me wonder, am I truly thankful for what I have. Do I consistently yearn for more? What am I modeling for my kids? Are they content and grateful? Well, we really had a test recently about being grateful for things, money, etc. And a few times we have been tested by how grateful we were for health as well as the little things. We know that God has blessed us with everything that we have. Every breath we breathe, every heartbeat, every second of everyday, God has blessed us with. I have seen photos of people in Rwanda and other 3rd world places that people walk for miles to get water. That isn't our life. If we have to drive 6 miles to a grocery, to choose what we feel like eating this week, we get frustrated. My husband and I have an ongoing debate as to which Trader Joe's to go to. The one that is 1.5 miles or the one with the nicer employees, and better parking that is 2.5 miles (can you tell which side I am on?). This is a luxury problem. Not even a problem. Why do I forget or overlook that it is a blessing to disagree on which Trader Joe's to go to. Some people don't have a grocery or the ability to choose what they eat even. I don't need to preach to you. I am just putting my own heart in the right place.
            With that said, I know many people; celebrities, teachers, preachers, friends, even family, have encouraged us all to write down what we are grateful for, or maybe what makes us happy. I have a friend that for the month of February, wrote everyday on what she loved. So, I have really thought about this and have decided that I, as well as my kids, (we'll see if hubby wants to do it) will be making a list. (I know I love lists). The list will be 1,000 things that we are grateful for, thankful for and count as a blessing. Big things, little things, anything.
            I will keep a running list here of mine and share some of the kids blessings they write down as they come along. I'm sure they will come up with some great ones.
I will add to it as time goes one. I am wondering how long it will take me to get to 1,000.


             My Blessing List!

1. Clean Water
2. Clean air to breath (used to live in Corona! Stinky and smoggy).
3. toothbrushes and toothpaste
4. my incredible husband
5. my wonderful children (I never dreamed of having 4!)
6. a warm house to live in
7. a car that is paid for
8. my ocean view
9. being saved
10. our church
11. dear friends 
12. a full pantry and refrigerator
13. a great natural Doctor
14. Dr. Bob
15. the beach
16. internet
17. chocolate (I would put sweet tea but, I am fasting from it right now. I'll save that one).
18. my car that is big enough to put everyone and still have room for groceries
19. Trader Joe's
20. Heat (it's cold today. Ha ha! 55.)
21. home-schooling
22. pounds dropping (albeit slowly) from the scale
23. My grandmother is still alive and my kids have been to her place. (wish we could go more)
24. That I can pick up the phone and talk to my mom 
25. Showers
26. swimming pools
27. books
28. The Bible
29. Prayer
30. Learning a lesson quickly rather then banging my head too many times first.

Well, here are the first 30. It may take me a good long while but, I really think that this is a fantastic exercise for each of us. I am hoping to do some everyday but, we'll see if that happens.

Christmas Cards

            Yes, it is early still but, I always get my cards at (my favorite store) Target.  Well, Target gets their cards in right after Halloween. That is really early. All of the good cards are gone by Thanksgiving. And since I need an absurd amount, 70 or so, if I wait they don't have enough of the ones I want. So, every year after Halloween, I pick up my ridiculous amount of Christmas cards for a great price.
             That is the easy part. Usually, I try to put a picture on the card of the kids. (I mean who really needs to see me and my husband and talk about the weight we have gained, lost, gained, lost,...) That means I have to get down to the mall (I don't like the mall anymore now that I have 4 kids) Around Thanksgiving to get the Santa picture. It all seems so timely. And a huge bother. I do love the picture of the kids but, I get tired of having to always beat the crowds.
             This year I am really excited. Our church offered free Christmas pictures at the new campus that we are opening on Christmas Eve. Well, they are of the whole family. (Yes, everyone will get to see where I am in my lost, gained, lost, gained, cycle). They turned out fantastic. What is better is that we had a family picture when we moved into our last house 10 years ago. That is also 2 kids ago. We really wanted a new family picture for over the fireplace. I am thrilled to say, this picture will work and we can order the prints online so I don't have to stand in line with all of the kids.
             All I have to do now is get all of the addresses in the computer again so I can print up address labels. And stuff them, and write in them, and...
             Have you done your cards yet? How do you do yours?
            

This is my cute little troop.

             I will be posting some new baby tips in the next post in honor of my cute niece that is due Thanksgiving with her first baby.

World Domination

        
             A friend wrote on Facebook that her baby was up at 5:45 this morning. The morning she really had planned to sleep in. Now the baby was asleep an hour later and she is awake.
              My reply is simple. They know our schedules and deepest desire for sleep and the plan of all children the world round, is to defeat all mom's extra sleep. They believe that a tired mama is easier to manipulate to get their way. They may have something there. Maybe the plan is much bigger, world domination.... Hahahaha.. Evil laugh. 
Yea, lack of sleep here too. Obviously. The slap happiness is a dead ringer.

             Even funnier is that I was talking to another friend this morning and was telling her how I have taken the highchairs out of the kitchen. There wasn't enough space. I replaced them with a plastic picnic bench. Yea, like that is a relaxing meal waiting to happen. My husband says after the littles have been up 15 times, "Where are the highchairs?"

            "Gone. There wasn't enough room." I think he would have rather stepped around them then watch me get up so many times during dinner. I would have never let my first 2 get away with that. They sat in a highchair until they were... I don't know 4. It was clean and easy. Little girl is 2. I don't know what I was thinking. 

            I am waiting for the landlord to call and ask why is the water bill so high. How do you explain it is because my little ones take at least 2 baths a day because it is the best place to put them so they will sit still and are happy so I can get something done. (I don't leave them alone. I will work in the bathroom or sit the 13 year old in the room with a book. Then everyone is happy). They are the cleanest kids in town. 

            My favorite time of day is the end of the day when we are all bathed (hm a trend?) and in jammies. Everyone is in bed. I can plop on the couch and watch something. Anything. I'm tired it doesn't really matter what it is. 

           I love my kids dearly. They are fun and precious. I wonder why we don't have kids when we are younger and have more energy? Oh yea, because then we are kids ourselves.

Mommy-dom Part 1

             So many people have written about the phenomenon of Mommy-dom. It may seem over done. But, I am going to do it too. I can't help it. It is my life. I have so much fodder for this subject. It is probably going to take on a life of it's own and be more then one post. Maybe a series. It already has a life of it's own because I was writing notes on it during church. And it was a great sermon. Not a sleepy, I wish I had slept in kind of sermon either. I just couldn't stop myself. The notes came even after we got home. I don't usually write notes for my blog. It just happens. Much of what happens in Mommy-dom just happens.
             It all started with a card I bought for my niece's baby shower. It was super cute. The kind you are totally proud of finding. You want to write on it, "I didn't just grab the first baby shower card I could find. I found a good one." It had a globe on it and named all of the places you will be going in Motherhood. Laundry mountain, that kind of thing. It made me giggle because it is true. Motherhood, parenthood, Mommy-dom all are words for this place we seem to go once we give birth to our little darlings. You say it won't change you, your marriage, anything. But, it does. It always does. If it didn't, well I guess you wouldn't be parenting. Not all changes are the same for everyone, But, there are many changes that everyone experiences.
              I will pick one at a time and tell you how it changes for so many of us. If you have never had a baby or are about to have your first, I am giving you a rare look into the secrets behind the curtain. The secrets that we really don't share readily with soon to be parents. Why? I'm not sure. Many reasons really. Mostly, you wouldn't listen anyway and you would think we were just trying to burst your happy bubble. That isn't the case. It isn't all bad things that change. We really change as people, not just our routines, but sometimes even our values and beliefs. Sometimes you actually realize you have beliefs and values. You never thought about it intentionally before, but, you do have them.
              Let's start with the obvious one. This one cannot be hidden. It is the changes in our bodies. Remember how cute your belly was in high school or in your early 20's. Yea, sorry. I do have one bizarre friend (she will know who she is), mom of 4 and has always had a flat stomach. Mine wasn't that flat when I was 10. What is worse, she loves chocolate and coffee and other nasty food we aren't supposed to love. ( We all know those things are what keep us slightly sane).  People with those spectacular genes are (I am going to say it ) FREAKS!! It is not normal. I still love her though. The rest of us, well... It is really hard to get your body back to any kind of shape you had before. Especially after multiple children. Great advice if you want several children and you love your body; either adopt, or wait a good 3 years between each kid. It gives your body time to find it's shape again and your little one to stop nursing. We all know nursing is best. Not only for our little ones but, for mom. The anti-cancer claims have been very vocal on this point. I know many can't nurse or choose not to. But, I am a Boob Nazi, so I can't apologize for feeling that the breast is best advice should always be given.  Boobs... will never be the same.
                 There is other changes in your body that you didn't expect happen as well. We all have heard the whispering of things like hemies and stretch marks. Come on, we almost expect that stuff. Here are some things that no one remembers to tell you. Your skin, it will oscillate between being very dry and flaky to getting Mount St. Zito on your chin. Some ladies have even reported growing hair our of their chin. I mean big, black icky hair. The kind you pluck.
                 Oh and your hair. Did anyone mention the fact that it seems to all fall out at once after the baby is here? Yea, think bald spots in visible places. The amount that came out all day was scary, the amount that came out in the shower, WOW! it looked like a mans hair rug. I could have made an entire wig about once every 2 weeks with the amount that fell out. Eventually it does come back but, until then it is really weird. 
                 All of this and more is a natural progression. Look at the pictures of Grandmas and pictures of moms, then look at pictures of teenagers. There is a changing that is natural. Sure we all know the grandmas with the hard bodies. We have seen them. Even applaud them. But, do you think a kid really wants to snuggle up on the couch with Grandma Hard Body or squishy comfy Grandma. No one wants to be known as squishy but, it does make a more comfy cuddle option. Besides how many teenagers really want their mom in a skimpy hot bikini when their friends come over. Yes, I know about the mom's that are "hot". The ones that are cool and beautiful but, REALLY? I seriously doubt many kids really want that to be their mom.
                Which will bring us to the next topic, clothing, and more.

Dog Training Vs. Kid Training

            Am I the only person who notices that people that are very into training their dogs, I mean really training them, have really chaotic kids? Why is that? I mean Dog Whisperer trained dogs. You know the ones that take their dogs out for runs 2 times a day? Their kids are wild and unruly. I have seen them scream and wear pull-ups until they are 5, but the dog would hold it's potty until the cows come home. Just an obnoxious observation today. We have so many dog walking people in out neighborhood. We have much time to observe this phenomenon. Sad really.

A Visit From the Binky Fairy

          

           Son number three is having a birthday this next week. Since he is turning 4 I thought it would be a great idea to start talking about the Binky Fairy. All of my children have used one. I am not sure if you know what  a binky is but, in our house it is the pacifier. Well, my son seemed skeptical about giving it up. Even for a prize in it's place. And honestly, my husband did the whole, "Are you sure about this? He sleeps so good. He is a good napper." In my experience letting go of the binky can totally ruin a good napper. So after his talk, I was a little hesitant to push the Fairy visit. Well, my darling little boy tells me at bedtime that he is ready to do it. I promptly start talking him out of it. I mean, maybe it would be fine if he had it a little longer. I love nap time. It also means, as my husband put it, that we have one less baby in the house. Yes, we know he isn't a baby but, there are milestones (we've talked about these before) that choke us parents up as much as if not more than the first tooth and haircut. There are so many more things that mean your child is moving towards being an independent being. They are good things. In fact they are great. Just milestones worth taking pause over. Well, the night came and he had trouble going to sleep. So much so, I forgot to change out the Binky Box with the prize. Thankfully, my husband checked when he woke up and reminded me. I'm just glad it was a morning that the little guy ended up sleeping in. Late night and all. So the gift was exchanged (CARS Guys of course). Son wakes up and is so thrilled. He said these were special ones that the fairy must have gotten at the Fairy factory (oh there is a Fairy factory?) because he had never seen these before. I had stashed them for his birthday. Oh well, I will get him something else. The fairy gets credit for these.

                                               Elvis and Marco are their names they are cool.

Just thought I would share one of those special milestones in our family. For the record, it has been two days. He got out of bed 2 times last night and couldn't sleep for nap yesterday. Then he didn't want to fall asleep in the car today without the binky. He finally did. Not very long yet. I think I might miss the binky more than he does.

Spending Time With Each Other

           We are going to the aquarium tomorrow. My youngest son is very excited. Well, they all are. I mean, it's a field trip right? Who doesn't like a field trip. And one big enough there isn't much of a chance of being able to get home in time to do school work.
            We never really did many field trips before. I guess I mean, before things started to change for us financially. It always seemed like we could do it another day. My husband needed to work, I needed to do laundry. Whatever it was, there were other things to do. We could do those neat field trips later. I guess.  While my husband was out of work we spent a lot of time together as a family. Everyday really. It was strange but, kind of wonderful too. We all actually like each other. I did laugh that my husband and I were turning into my mom and dad. You know, always together. He would drop me off for my haircut appointments and come back to get me. Not to save money. Just because we were always together. All of that together time did something to us though. Something strange that you wouldn't have expected. It made us appreciate each other and the time we spend together. My husband was there to see everything we do all day and even was a part of it. Yes, we were freaked out that he wasn't working and that we might have to move into a cardboard box. But, we clung to each other more. Truth moment- I was scared.  I was so scared that I could cry now thinking about it. We aren't out of the clear. We are still struggling but, God is providing for us our daily bread. That is what he has promised. We really learned to look to each other for strength and comfort. I know many couples break up or fight tremendously during financial disaster. We didn't. Don't get me wrong, our life wasn't sunshine and rainbows. We were both scared. We had just had  baby number 4 and everything collapsed. What do you do?
              Back to field trips. Why are they so important now? Because it occurred to us both in that time of hardship and togetherness that we don't know what is around the next bend. We don't know how much time we have. We may plan for the next 5 years but, who says God is going to give us 5 years?  And (as our pastor said a couple of weeks ago) what are you going to do with them, worthwhile to deserve them? Are you spending your time always assuming you have plenty of time to do whatever? Or do you live to serve Him and love those people God has blessed you with? If it is a picnic in the park, a walk in the harbor, even a trip to the aquarium. Make the time you have here count. Don't make God sad he gave it to you. Also, speak up for Him. The neighbor you see everyday getting the mail, does he know Christ? What, are you keeping salvation a secret? Do you think God wants to have a secret society? I don't think so. I once read a mad, ranting letter from a step-daughter to her parents. She said she didn't believe in God. Also, if they did, and believed that she and everyone else that didn't give their life to Christ was going to Hell, why are we Christians so placid about it? Why don't we scream from the mountain tops? Are we so selfish we want to keep Heaven for ourselves? Whoa. what?  This girl really said, that if we truly looked around us with our Christian eyes on, and thought that these people are going to burn in hell for eternity, how can we live with ourselves? Isn't saving someone from burning in hell for eternity worth a period of uncomfortable awkwardness? This really freaked me out. Try it. Look around you and who is it that says they don't believe there is a God and you think, they're entitled to their opinion. Really? Do you really believe it is an opinion? Or is it the Truth? Yes, this is a night time rant, but, this is what is in my brain tonight.
                In short (too late), spend time with the ones you love. They and you won't always have each other. It could be you in the IHOP eating dinner alone, watching the other younger families eating together. Wishing you had one more day to visit with your husband, wife, kids, whoever. Don't you want to have wonderful memories of your darling ones? Better yet, hopefully they will ask you to dinner. Then, live for God. He died for you. Who would you die for?
               God loves you and wants to spend time with you. So  does your family. Who is it you need to spend time with? Your Grandma? Your spouse? Your kids?
               End of nighttime rant. Now go love on the family God blessed you with. I'll be petting sharks tomorrow. Bye.