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Monday, February 17, 2014

When Mama Bear Isn't Sure What To Do!




   
Don't mess with Mama bear!



      I am totally a Mama bear. You have heard of Tiger moms, I am a Mama Bear. Anyone that knows me would agree. Some don't like it. I've been told by some family they think it's a little too much even. Well, whether others like it or not, I am. No one can mess with my children without having to go through me. I'm not psycho about it, just very involved and protective.
     So, as a Mama bear, I know that my job is to stand up for my kids. Any threat to them will be dealt with. I will obliterate the threat and protect my cubs. It's a simple idea, right?
     Here is the problem that I have just recently encountered, and have been spending several days thinking, about in depth. When there is a threat to my children it is easy; I target the threat and protect the child.... What if the threat is the child itself? Meaning, what if my child chooses to do something that is harmful to him or herself? Making choices that are not good choices. What if my child choose to smoke cigarettes, do drugs, become enamored with someone that is not a good influence or worse. What if they choose to get involved in activities that can truly harm their character or influence their character in a negative way?
(Disclaimer: My kids are fine and not doing anything in this manner. I am listening to others talk about activities or choices their kids have made and I am reevaluating the Mama Bear instinct in me).
      I had always thought, it would be easy. I'd do whatever I had to do to keep my child from that activity. I would be happy going to extremes.






      But, that goes along with the idea that I was an amazing parent-BEFORE I had kids. Then reality sets in. Then you realize, you have a small window that you get to direct all of your kids activities. I am at some point demoted to coach rather then complete life director. When they hit the teen years I think we are just as important, in many ways more, but we need to take the passenger seat and let the teen drive. It's just like when they get their driving permit, we as parents, have to sit in the passenger seat and try to encourage and point out the best directions. Reminding them of the turn signals and when to brake so as to not jar everyone in the cars necks.  I am not in the drivers seat anymore. This is a terrifying place to be; both literally and metaphorically.
Some parents are really good at sitting in the passenger seat with their child driving. Some parents are more then ready to hand over their child's decision making to them. Mama Bear is freaking out isn't so sure. My mom was a freak in the car. Still is. I'm 41 years old and my mom will still hit the imaginary brake and turn the imaginary steering wheel when she is in the car with me. I don't think I'm that bad but, I am certainly not taking a nap either.
      So, back to the thought of them making choices for their own lives, I'm not sure what to do. If my child is going to make a poor choice for his or her life- who do I obliterate to keep them safe?! How do I protect my child from the danger if the danger is my own child's mind or intentions?
     I grew up with many girls that had eating disorders. Many had anorexia or bulimia. Those eating disorders started somewhere. Were there waring signs before they became bulimic? How do you as a parent deal with that? Or a girl or boy that has a desire to be with another that is so unhealthy for them to be with? How do you get rid of the threat if the threat comes from within your own child? (yes, you get counseling when it is necessary but, as a family how do you deal with it? And as you suspect the beginnings of it?) The issue becomes if I do too much I may drive my child right into the activity that is harmful. If I do too little, .... well, I should have done more.
     I don't know that there is one answer, but I will say that my parenting style of Mama Bear is having a very difficult time figuring out how to respond. I love my children fiercely. I would do almost anything for them. My children fully believe that if they were ever in trouble that their dad and I would be there to help them. But, how does Mama and Papa bear help a child from themselves?
     Boy, parenting was so much easier when they were little and the threat was a loose dog in the neighborhood or a mean child at the park.
     Well, here comes parenting teenagers!

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Your Last Day.



   
      I'm sure you've heard someone say, "Live each day as if it were your last."
Have you ever thought of what that would mean? Everyone's last day would look different I'm sure. Some would spend that day at Disneyland, some would have a huge family get together, others would probably go sit outside and be with nature. I remember seeing a T.V. show where this couple, thinking the husband had a very short time to live, ran up an enormous debt vacationing and enjoying every second they had together.
     I'm not sure how living that way is going to be productive unless you tend to be a workaholic and never spend time on yourself. I even did a bible study using that thought as the premiss. I mean truthfully, if you have children and a spouse, you'd hope you would have things you wanted to tell them or share with them. That was the idea around the study. However, my mind went to other  places. Like, where I would like to go and things I want to eat!! Yea, I know, real deep. I suppose the truth has come out, I'm selfish. But, I wonder, aren't most of us? Maybe I'm going out on a limb here, hoping I'm not the only one that would think that way. I would tell my children how much I love them and all the important things I thought they would need to hear from me. Not so helpful would be that, I would spend much of the time being distraught over all I'd miss of their childhood and how they were going to get along without a mother. Then that would send me to the thought of- would my husband re-marry? NO! NEVER! He loves me too much. Then I would start thinking he should re-marry for his happiness and the kids. So, as you can see, that thought doesn't do me much good. Much mind wondering and distress over something that, hopefully, isn't going to happen any time soon.
     Then something very sad happened. One of the Pastors at our church had a daughter that was quite young come down with brain cancer. 
Jessie Rees was an amazing little girl that actually took the idea of, "what if this was my last day on earth" and left a huge imprint on so many. And since her journey to be with God, she is still making an impact. Wow. That is how we are all supposed to think when that question is posed to us. Unfortunately, I'm not sure I would. 
     It did make me think from another stand point though that did make an impact on me. The thought of that little girls parents and siblings living with the thought that any day she would likely be gone.  This thought horrified me. Oh my goodness, what if it were the last day of my husbands life, or my childs', or moms, etc. You get the idea. It is one of the many things that encouraged me to move back to TN to be with and help my Grandmother for those few short months. It has also been creeping into my head lately when I reprimand my children or get irritated with someone I know. Actually, I've been thinking this morning, it really should impact how I treat everyone. Even strangers. 
     If you knew this was the last time you were going to see someone you love, wouldn't you love them more and fuss less? Wouldn't you linger a little longer then be in such a rush to get on with the busyness of life? I mean people are why we are here, right? Relationships? God wants a relationship with all of us. So, we are to love too. "Love one another"
John 13:34-35
34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

Would you be a little more urgent with spreading the Gospel to those you thought didn't have much time?  Would you go out of your way to send notes of encouragement and love? Just pick up the phone and talk for a bit?
     Well, I'm going to think on this a little more. I want to stop and think more before I speak. Before I tell my husband I'm tired and don't want to go for a walk with him right now. Or that I'm too busy to go for the little drive to the gas station with him to keep him company. Before, I fuss at my kids for laughing to loud or being silly, I need to stop and enjoy that moment and let them enjoy it too. 
As for the stranger on the street that cuts me off or yells at me (maybe tells me "I'm #1"), I need to give a minute and some grace. I don't know what that person is going through. I don't know if he/she is experiencing a major loss in their life or they themselves will be gone tomorrow. 
     Many won't like this post. They'll probably tell me it's kinda morbid. It is. But, to all of those people who don't believe in our Christ, I bet we sound pretty morbid. I mean think about it. We worship this man that was beaten to a bloody mess and left to die. His family and friends spent much time thinking about what life was going to be like without him. To them (Jesus' family and friends) life was going to be awful and gut wrenching. But, He was prepared because He knew what was going to be waiting for him when it was all over. Heaven. But, for us people left behind, what of us? Did his mom feel like she told him she loved him enough? Did his brothers belittle his ministry? Remember when his family came to get him and told him to come home? Said he was out of his mind?

 Mark 3:21 says,"When his family heard about this, they went to take charge of him, for they said, "He is out of his mind."

     Boy, I bet they felt like heels. Especially, after the whole rising from the dead thing. None of us are raising Jesus. But, we are raising his disciples and our spouses are blessings that God has given us to make it through this life as a helper and encourager. That means you are supposed to be an encourager too. Are you? Am I? Well, I can say that I am going to try harder at being more loving and more encouraging. I am going to try to live my life treating my family and friends as if they were not going to be here tomorrow. Like I may never have the chance to love on them or tell them how important  they are to me. I'm going to use this time to lift them up and Help them to have a joyful outlook. 
     God loves all of His children and we are supposed to as well. 
Here are some verses to help us remember what it is God says about this. 

Ephesians 4:2-3 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

Philippians 2:2  complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.

1 John 3:18 Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.



I need to work on Philippians 2:2- "being of full accord and one mind."
And also Ephesians 4- to have "humility and gentleness, with patience...." Wow that is a doozy.

     So, with that; I will be looking at you all differently. Pardon me if I hold on a little longer when we hug Hello or Good bye. Excuse me for looking at you with an expression as if I am trying to memorize your face. And be understanding if I call you just to talk. 
     And in case you live too far away for me to hug you, know that I love you and am thinking of you often.