There are several things I want to post next but, it is a midnight rambling time of night so, I guess here I go again. I am so very blessed with one of the most wonderful men on the planet. I married him because I recognized it rather quickly and knew if I didn't snatch him up, someone else would see how great he was and grab him. So I did. I have never looked back or had a doubt as to the choice I made. For once in my young life I had made the right decision. I wasn't always so good at that. He was the best thing that had ever happened to me up to that point in my life. I was young when we started dating. 18 and it was only the Christmas after I graduated high school. We got married 2 1/2 years later. I look back on the first date we had, the day after Christmas, 1990. I never saw this as a potential for anything but a mellow fun time. Nothing serious or heavy. Boy, was I wrong. Funny how God takes our "plans" for our lives and says, "you know this could be o.k. but, I have something even better planned for you. "
He was so fun and made me feel,... like me. I didn't really know who I was or what I wanted out of life but, when I was with him I could laugh and really think about what I believed and wanted to do. Funny the only issues I ever had with his and mines relationship was I really thought it was more of a friendship. At first, that is really what I thought. Then, oh just a fun night out. But, he grew on me. Yes, like a fungus. No really. I couldn't shake the sense of "home" when I was around him. Comfort. Security. Strength. Not just his strength, he made me feel strength in me that I didn't realize I had. That was intoxicating. Strength. I had always believed I was... weak, fragile. That I needed others to make me anything. But, he made me feel that I could do anything. Even without someone holding my hand.
That strength became key to my life. We dedicated our engagement and then marriage to God. And tried to do that with everything else as time went on. Houses, cars, jobs, kids. All of it, we really tried to dedicate and thank God for them daily. We both grew leaps and bounds in our faith as each year went by. To grow in our faith and our strength in Jesus, comes trials. Oh my, we have had a few. The beginning of our marriage was plagued with me getting very sick. I had developed Crohn's disease. It was awful. I wanted to hide. Here is my wonderful new husband and the things going on with me were very less then lovely or beautiful. He was fantastic. He did so much for me and it strengthened us in our faith and in our relationship. Amazing how something so nasty could turn into a little cement to hold us firmer together.
Bought our first home. Had our first baby. Things were great. Then my husband faced some stressful choices about work and our family and the direction we were going. These times were difficult for us and caused me to go to my knees and to realize that I needed God even more. That I wanted to be re-baptized. (First time was done under worry and stress). My husband ended up on his knees about the same time and we were baptized on the same day.
Then came baby number 2..... So much to say about him. He was a beautiful big baby. Almost 10 pounds. But, it became clear quickly something was wrong with him. Super long story (and an incredible one at that) he was very sick. As horrible as those 4 months were I learned to lean on God like I had never leaned before. We knew that the only way we could get through that terrible time in our life was to lean hard on God. God worked huge miracles for us during that time. Things that the doctors said would never happen, did. Things they said he would never do, he does. He is such a miracle. Again my husband and I grew stronger in each other and our faith.
Long time of prosperity and blessings came 6 years after baby 2 we decided to have baby 3. He was a difficult pregnancy. I was on bed rest for 5 months. That seemed to me an impossible feat. My personality didn't do well laying in a bed. But, I did and my husband cared for me and the kids. What a wonderful guy. This scary time really put some of mine and my husbands beliefs to the test. My life was in danger as well as the babies, and it was really hard to lay there each hour and pray that God would get us through this terrifying time. Of course he did and our faith grew (see a theme yet?). Baby 3 came into the world with a bit of fanfare. He was early and it scared me terribly that he would be sick. (after #2 it was hard not to worry). Everything ended up great and fine. Thanks again God!
Well, with so much space between baby 2 and baby 3, it seemed only right to have a 4th. When I was pregnant this time, things around us were changing. My husbands work slowed down a lot. We didn't worry too much. God had always provided a way out of trouble for us before. When baby number 4 surprised us all by being a girl after 3 boys, we were in shock. Thrilled but, shocked none the less. My husband was actually speechless. Made the doctor laugh. She came in with much excitement. We were at church and I was in full labor. I didn't want to leave, it was a good sermon and labor always takes hours. I had plenty of time. Well, not so much as I thought. She was born just an hour or so after my husband made me go to the hospital. Incredible!
With the birth of our little girl, my husband didn't have anymore work. We weren't sure what to do. We used up the savings, and the credit cards. Then we missed house payments. Now it was really bad. Like so many people we were contacted by the bank, they wanted to "work a deal". They called it a modification. Well, it made it worse and worse. Finally, we were going to lose the house. Not just a house, but our home of ten years. We were both sick with grief and sorrow. Why would God desert us after all we had been through in our lives with Him by our side? Why would he leave us now? God brought us a buyer so we didn't lose the house. We just both thought we were robbed. We had believed this was our opportunity to move to the south to help my grandma and live on a farm. A dream we had for many years. Well, at the last possible moment, that fell through. Now what? You can imagine the crying out to God we did. Daily, hourly. My husband struggled with our situation. His entire identity was being turned into something he didn't recognize. Still calling out to God. Growing even stronger in each other.
Well, my daughter is now 2. Which means our lives completely started to change 2 years ago. We now live in a much smaller duplex. I drive a 1993 suburban with lots of miles on it ( we paid cash from the sale of the house). We call her Suzy. She is much easier to load up all of the kids and groceries, etc. We don't go and do many of the things we used to. My husbands work has been much leaner since all of the changes, but, we are able to make our rent and feed our family. Both of us are making time to volunteer at the church. Sunday has become Our Lord's day to our family. A day of rest in Him and each other. We have learned to make more time for God and what He wants for us. Our kids are happy. They like where we live now. Actually better, they say, then the old place. We aren't totally settled in but, we'll get there. Besides, God is using us and we are supposed to "travel light" right? My husband and mines marriage is even stronger than before. We have less materially but, we have so much more than we ever have. He is still my knight and my safe place. We are learning to really lean on God. He provides us our daily bread.
It is really interesting how when I look back over my life with this wonderful man, the times that were the worst, scariest, most painful were the times that we clung to each other all the more and helped each other to look heavenward. I truly think that is what we are supposed to do for each other. Be the navigator. Keep each other looking forward. Remember in the bible when the angels came to get Lot and his family out of Sodom and Gomorah. The angels said to them not to look back. Poor Lot's wife couldn't let go of the past. She had to look back just one more time. Tried to take one more lingering look at her past life. Then she turned to a pillar of salt. How did Lot not look back at her at that moment and turn into one himself? Genesis 19:26. Jesus points out to us Christians in Luke 17:32 to not be like Lot's wife. He is telling us not to look back at our old life. I have been given many blessings in my life. Especially in the 20 years that God has blessed me so far with this wonderful man. I want to not be like poor Lot's wife (who isn't even named in the bible) and look at all that I am leaving behind or that has been taken away. Which is it? Taken or saved from. Has our old life of prosperity been taken from us or are we being saved from it? I am not sure even what we would be saved from.
I want to move forward and hold on to the blessings I have. I want to be ready to go and do whatever the Lord would have me do for him. I am realizing that evangelism isn't something that just happens. I have to step out of my comfort zone and I have to do it when God prompts. Not when I am good and ready. So Lord, I am grateful for this wonderful strong man that makes me laugh and feel good about who I am. Who loves his kids and really enjoys spending time with them. I am grateful for the little blessings of these four children, and am excited to see where you lead them. And Lord I am ready to lead in your army. I am an able body and mind. Use me Lord. Show me the right path to go. Even though it will be rocky and curvy, with my incredible family, we will trudge forward. Thank you Lord.
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