The Hair Clip Distaster

             Little girl was on the toilet and starts screaming. I go running in to see what has happened.
She has dropped her hair clip down into the toilet where she has gone,... poop.
"Get it Mommy!! Get it out! Don't flush it!"
"No."
"Mommy, get it!! I want it. I love it! It's my favorite!"
" I am not putting my hand in there with your poop for a hair clip."
Disgusted look and angry darts blazed from her eyes.
"Get Daddy. He'll do it for me. D-A-D-D-Y!!!"

Dad replies, "I'll buy you a new one."
Girlie, "O.K. Daddy."

Really. I get glares and he gets an O.K. Daddy? I guess I was the one that flushed.

Stalker!!

Me: "Please carry the basket of clean clothes upstairs."
14 year old son: "Who will carry it when you get old?"
Me:"You."
Son:"What if I move away? To .....Alabama?"
Me: "I will move with you. Follow you"
Son: "That's called a Stalker."
Me: "That's called a Mom."

Things I Never Thought I would Hear or Say.

A day to remember.....

          


There are so many things on a daily basis that one of my kids will say and I will think, "did he/she really say that?"

            Couple from today:
I went to buy a new bra and I took my girlie (3) with me. I went to Nordstrom's because it has been so long since I went to buy a nice one that I was a bit overwhelmed by the choices.
I was in the dressing room trying on a bra as the sales lady left to get a couple more choices for me.
Girlie says (in her loudest voice), "Mommy, is this the BIG BOOBY STORE!"
giggles... from the other dressing rooms.....


            The next one was this morning. (Yes, I live an exciting life with these kids).
My youngest son and my girlie are in the tub while I am putting on my make-up. I had washed my hair last night and slept on it. So I wanted to wet it so I could style it. I thought, "Oh there is a tub with nice hot water. "
So, I leaned over the tub and used a cup to start wetting my hair. About half-way through, girlie says with a giggle, "Mommy, I peed in here."
FREEZE.
O.K.  So, there is a couple of the things I never thought I would hear. I will add as time goes on and the things I never thought I would have to say as well.

Rainbows And Cupcakes

Girlie is carrying around a teacup, telling us it is full of rainbows.
Little boyo grabs her cup and makes a big slurp noise.
"He stole my rainbow!" comes the umbelievimg girlie.
I am unflustered. Without skipping a beat, I say,"Spit it out." holding the cup to his lips.
He pretends to spit it out.
Girlie screams, "Now it's all wet!"
Of course.
Why didn't I think of that?
Little boyo doesn't want to be out done. Says back very authoritative, "I can only burp cupcakes. "

And that was my day.

Bats and MUMMA'S

           We don't celebrate Halloween in our house. We gave it up a long time ago. In fact, I don't know if my oldest even remembers doing it at all. My youngest have never done it.
            We were in the car and the boys were talking about it when Little Girlie pipes up, "We don't do any of that."
             "Any of what?" The boys ask her.
            "You know. Bats or Mumma's."
            " Mumma's?" I ask. "What is a Mumma?"
            "The one wrapped  in toilet paper."
           Oh. Of course.  A Mumma. Didn't you know that?

Frozen Yogurt

            I'm not a huge fan of frozen yogurt. I mean, really what is the benefit that is so great that out weighs ice cream? I LIKE ice cream. I really like ice cream. Why yogurt? It's like being on a diet and trying to pretend that you aren't. Like eating carob instead of milk chocolate. Really? Then we go and there isn't even chocolate mint. To me that is the only flavor even worth eating yogurt. So I get "Just Chocolate". That is really the name of it. Like, (in a dejected exhaling moan) "I guess I'll get Just Chocolate...." Yea! nothing says yum like Just Chocolate.
           So here I am eating frozen yogurt and it is getting cold outside. Yes, there were no seats inside. And I started telling my 2nd that he shouldn't steal his sisters mini chocolate chips. "Besides," I say,"they look like little mouse poops."
            Husband says, " Hey Heth, there is one right there."
             One what, I'm thinking.
           "You better look down. It's right there. "
            "Yea, right. " I know I can be gullible and I just said mouse but, really? I'm not fall!!!!.... AAAAAHHHHH!!! THERE IS A MOUSE UNDER MY CHAIR! SERIOUSLY! UNDER MY CHAIR!!! 
            Both legs pull up. OH NO! I don't do mice! Rodents are disgusting. OOOOO! It is nasty. Well, I realize I am pulling a famously wonderful mom moment. Again, because both of the "Littles" are shaking, have big eyes and are squealing in unison. I wait until the creepy little thing is not where I can see it anymore. Pick up my Frozen Yogurt (That stuff wasn't good or my idea. And a super gross waste of time) and toss the rest in the trash. I declare I'm cold and leaving. The Littles follow suit. Little Girlie licking a bit more of the Pink yogurt she is eating (with the mouse poop chips on it) and tosses the rest without question (this was Girlie. The one that questions everything). And jumps in the car saying,"And carry azezes (in english that is diseases)."
            O.K. I have scarred my children for life. Although the Bigs have faired quite well over the years with my mouse/rodent phobia. You know the usually giggles and peels of laughter as I walk by the little hairy monsters and shiver at the pet store. That kind of thing.
           The worst part? My brother was reminding me on the phone how Jaws had scared me when I was a kid so I wouldn't go in the ocean for half the summer. Him, he thought the movie was cheesy. He just knew King Kong was way worse anyway. My boys, having heard this conversation start saying, "I think we should call the mouse Jaws. Did you see jaws under the table mom? Ha ha ha ha!"
          The other one is a bit quicker in saying, "Not Jaws. NIBBLES!! Nibbles the Ferocious! Ha ha ha ha!"
           Great, now I'll be haunted by my children and Nibbles the killer baby mouse (Oh did I leave out the part where I was supposed to say it was a baby mouse. SO CREEPY!!). And no it isn't cute!!

I was going to put a picture of a
baby mouse but, I couldn't bring myself
to do it!! 

Shopping With The Girlie!

The bigger it spins, the better the dress. 

           

             I took my girlie for our first girls shopping trip. Nothing fancy, just Kohl's. I really hadn't shopped there much before. Just a couple of run in, run out shopping is all. And always with the whole crew.
So, this was different.
            She is 2. Well, almost 3. So she is a fashionesta. I never really got why moms would buy things or allow their daughters to dress so fancy to go out and about. Then I had Girlie.... Yep, she has a big opinion about what she wears and what she wants. She wears a pink tu-tu all the time. Just because. I was a mom of 3 boys first. I was used to going to the store with Superman, or a pirate, but a pink tu-tu? And jewelry?
             Several months ago, Girlie decided she wanted earrings. She would ask everyday. Well, I didn't have any clip on ones and piercing a 2 year olds ears isn't something I was willing to do. When she is old enough to take care of them and not get hit in the head with a soccer ball and get it embeded into the side of her neck, then we will be good to go. Well, I asked a friend where to get those stick on earrings. You know (or maybe you don't if you only have boys.)  She has 4 girls (God bless her!). Claire's was where she said to go. Full of girls pretty little do-dads.
              A place of unknown treasures to a mom of 3 boys. This  is a place I had never ventured. You know, like the pink aisle at the toy store. You just don't go there if you have boys. Well, I am learning a whole new side to parenting a girl. So much fun. The toys she likes, I would have liked. I don't have to hear her drown on about the latest Transformers, or Beyblade toy. I can only hear how Optimus Prime and blah, blah blah, fought blah, blah, to blah, blah.... They start to sound like the parents in the Peanuts cartoons. Sorry, I do listen to my kids. But, how many times do I have to listen to Death Star scenarios???
               Oh and movies. Don't get me wrong I loved Toy Story, and Cars  was great but, wouldn't it be nice to throw in a princess or two? I missed Belle and Cinderella. What about a little Tinker Bell? I am a girl for goodness sake. I did learn to love Indiana Jones but, Star Wars ( I am so sorry those of you that think it is a sacred movie) , I hate it. I can sit through some if it but, it really seems like all the same story all over again and again. (I know I am not Jedi worthy).
                All of this said, I come back to my original thought. Shopping. I used to love to shop. What girl doesn't? What wasn't to love when I had my cute high school firm body. Before kids. Well, now there are several reasons not to like it. I don't have that body anymore. I have 4 kids to take with me (Hence the body change), the kids need stuff more then I do, and it is expensive. Oh yea, and the boys don't want to shop unless it is the toy store, Gamestop, or maybe the book store. I just decided that I just didn't like to shop anymore. I would just pick up an item here or there. Needless to say my wardrobe is not anything to rave about.
                Then comes girlie. We went into that store with the intent to buy a couple pairs of shorts for me and maybe a couple of t-shirts. It was like a whole new experience. She loved it. We looked at tops together. I would try on a skirt and she would say, "Oh mommy, that is pretty. Spin."
Spin? Spin? I remember doing that as a little girl. The best dresses and skirts would spin so big. Remember that? How does she know that? Is it something a little girl is born with? To know that the best skirts spin big?  I would pick out a top and she would find me a better one.
                Then came the conversations in the dressing room. Now this got a little embarressing when I realized that everyone else in there was laughing because they could hear her. I know that is why they are laughing because one of them said, "I am loving listening to her. My daughter was the same way. She is well on her way to being your fashion coordinator."
                We were in the dressing room and I had picked out a sensible white top. Girlie declared quite loudly that it was ugly! And that I needed the purple one she picked. It was very pretty. She even told me one looked old. Not sure what that meant but, I didn't buy it.
              Then I needed undies. Well, I'm looking for beige, and ivory, maybe brown or something mellow. Every time I looked in the cart, she had thrown in these fuschia lacy panties with a diamond on the front. I gave up the 4th time and left them in. I did draw the line at the bright Pink and purple zebra striped ones. I could not have made it through the check out with a straight face with those in there.
             We even got to look at jewelry together. You know the fun bangles and dangles. I never look at those anymore. The boys are always antsy by the time I pick something out quickly and maybe try something on. I would never push them by making them sit through the bangles. Besides it isn't fun to look alone. She picked out some doozies there too. A huge bejeweled owl necklace. You know the kind that your 3rd grade teacher would have worn every day until the bug eyes would make you have bad dreams. I talked her into some fun colorful bracelets. And I bought a purse. Pink not brown because girlie said it was prettier, and she was right.
             Shopping may be fun again. I may have to try that a couple more times. Mommy and girlie time. What a totally new concept to me.
             The Lord knew what I needed at this point in my life. I have 3 wonderful boys. 3 sons. I love my boys and have done so many boy things for so many years (14 to be exact). I taught them all to enjoy baking and tea parties. All of them have had a doll at one time or another. We even owned a kitchen for a short time with the first son. The doll was never a baby and the kitchen never baked a cake; only bug pies and Hot Wheels pizza. That is fine. They had fun and so did I. I did long for an Easy Bake Oven. Or a baby dolls with all of the accessories to go with her. But, I was resigned to the fact that I would be buying and playing with Hot Wheels for the rest of my life.
              Well, not now. Girlie and I will play with the Hot Wheels but, we will also play with dolls and pretend "baby" is sleeping or is cranky and needs a nap. I will get to go shopping again and pick out pretty clothes, not just functional clothes. I will again enjoy the little more frilly side of life. Thank you God for my girlie.
                 What icing on the cake that you made her so adorable. Blond ringlet curls and big blue eyes. Not at all like me. But even more beautiful then I could have dreamed.
                 Now if I can just convince her that I am as nice as Daddy, we will be all set.

Keeping My Sense of Humor

        

"Do you like my silly face, Mom?"

           Who knew that raising kids would be so.... funny? I mean, we all have moments when we want to cry, and especially times we want to scream (and truthfully many times we do both). But, laugh? No one told me this. I used to love comedies, at the movies, now who needs them? I've got kids. Right? And the amount of children you have living under your roof is directly correlated with how often you will laugh. Well, that is if you remember to stop and look around at the absurdity of the situation you are in.
            Examples are plentiful, but let me share a couple from the last couple of days. Night before last, I had gotten everyone in bed, and was enjoying my end of the day shower. You know when I get to wash off all of the "stuff" that has accumulated on me. Both physically and emotionally (I pray a LOT in the shower). I emerged feeling peaceful and calm, only to open the curtain to see 2 year old girlie standing there. I gave her my stern, "You better get your booty in bed." This was followed by her mumbling something and whimpering. I repeated as I followed her, as did she, mumbling and whimpering. After I successfully chased her back to bed, I finally told her, "I can't hear you with your binky in your mouth" and pulled it out. When she promptly said, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" very sleepily. I snapped, "To get to the other side! Now go to sleep!"
This was all followed by my darling husband busting up in the hall outside her room. "O.K. It's funny, but, I was focused." He said, "focused? You didn't miss a beat!"
               Flash to today, same said 2 year old is sitting on the potty, throwing a bit of a tantrum. I am really not sure why. She's 2! Does it really need anymore explanations?! So in the midst of the tears, screams, and (let's face it ) drama, she screams. "I'm a BIG GIRL! WHAAAAA!" Yes, I did step back and laugh. I have felt this very feeling in the midst of a break down but, it is still no less ironic to those around.
               The comedy of the moment is many times forgotten and brushed aside. Mom is often tired, busy, or even feeling less then joyful and the moment is lost. A moment that God put there to lighten the feeling. But, I worry that if I am not paying attention or someone isn't, we will miss those moments. Mom's breathe. This is that time when we are down in the trenches and it gets hot, messy, stinky, and darn it, I want my tea!! But, God is blessing you with the tiny moments. Pick your head up out of the trench and look back into it. Life with kids, is funny. I know my family has been known to make perfect strangers laugh. So often I have wanted to snap, "I'm glad you think my life is so entertaining! I'm so happy I could make YOU laugh today!" That is when we need to look back in. It is funny.
                O.K. gotta go. 2 year old girlie is missing and quiet. Not a good combo. Last time I heard this much silence in my house, the now 10 year old boy was redecorating his bedroom with a container of baby powder. Yea, not pretty. I think he was 2 then as well. Gotta love toddlers.

P.S. I found her. She came crawling in the room with her brothers raccoon skin cap on saying, "I'm a skunk mommy. Oh what do skunks do?" Yea, gotta stop and laugh a little each day.