It wasn't really any easier of a lesson with the last two babies then it was with the first. I know, I should have been an expert by baby number 4 but, truthfully it was harder because I had other children and responsibilities by then.
One day I was complaining to my husband that all I do is sit here all day in a chair like a milk cow. (So I was a bit dramatic. Allow for hormones, would ya?)
He snickered and said, "We'll, it is kinda like you are one."
He was kidding, the humor was lost on me.
Then he said, "Enjoy it. This is God's way of making you slow down long enough to breath in the smell our baby, watch the breeze blow the leaves, enjoy the stillness and all that God has created."
He was being so very real and deep. I just wanted to complain and whine. I'm being honest. But, he was right. I knew it. And with each baby I relearned how to be still. I learned to just BE in the moments in life. As the scripture says, "Be still, and know that I am God,..." Psalm 46:10
The first baby was the easiest. There were no distractions. Him and me.
Baby number two? It was harder because he was sick. But, still a super lesson for me because amongst all of the hospital muck and rules, and proceedires, etc. it was hard to find the peace of a moment with my baby. The ones I had were savored like dripping butter and salt on hot summer corn.
Baby three was a lesson in patience and waiting. I was on bed rest before he was even born. 6 months of being still.
By the time this little guy was born, I was an expert at being still. (Not really). When this one was born it had been 6 years since I had a nursing baby. Again I struggled with trying to revel in the moment.
By the time baby 4 was born, I was feeling pretty cocky about knowing it all. HA! God threw me a curve ball. It was a girl and I had to learn all over again, how to diaper, hair bows, and all that goes with a girl. I had started to embrace the being still part but, that was probably more exhaustion then applied learning. With an 11year old, 8year old and a 2 year old with a newborn I was exhausted. Did I mention that I homeschool?
The pattern of learning to be still has continued through my life. I obviously must have a problem with patience and slowing down. I really thought maybe it was just me. I'd read articles about moms needing to slow down and people needing to take time out to eat with their family or spend more quantity of time with their kids. I came to the thought that it wasn't just me.
Several years have past since my last little one was born ( almost 5 to be exact). I really thought my husband and I had this slowing of our pace down. We do everything the experts say to do and more. We eat all meals with our kids. We homeschool so we are around them more then most. We do chores together, and play together, spend time at home. We would even sit on the beach once a week during the summer all day! What's more peaceful and slow then that?! We were quite counterculture. Granted we were living in a very fast town. In a culture that believes that every minute should count.people around us has their kids in all kinds of wonderful activities. School, soccer, karate, play dates, computer classes, all kinds. Good stuff but so busy all the time. How many times I heard people say that they'd love to do this or that but, that they were too busy. When I hear that, I think of that verse again. "Be still and know that I am God."
I think we are missing the point. We fill our lives with so much. Most of it truly are good things. Just too much.
I'm not nursing any babies and haven't for several years. I find myself following Gods lead and end up living with my Grandma, on her farm, in the middle of the south. She's 88. She's been diagnosed with dementia. Sad to watch her struggle with the same questions over and over. Terrible to watch her live out the same angry moments in her life again and again. Guess what God is teaching me after all these years? "Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10
Grandma's favorite thing to do is to sit on her big wooden swing and rock and watch the birds. Watch the leaves blow in the trees. Look at flowers.
How hard do you think it is for me, with 4 kids, in a new state, with so much to do, to stop my whole day or chore I'm doing, to swing? Swing, count the birds, name all the ones she knows, and tell me all of thing she wants done (for the 411th time today). But, I just am amazed at what I heard God say today. "Just BE, enjoy the moment, breath in the air, smell the flowers, watch the leaves blow. Just be still."
I seem to see a pattern.
But, really I thi k it's time at 41 to listen and really try to do what god has been trying to tell me all along. That is that life moves much to fast when you are busy. There are so many things to do but, they will still be there tomorrow-or not. But this moment, this second, it will never be here again. Make it a memory. Make it a special moment in time. Make it the point in time that when you are 88 and have trouble remembering things, it will be what you remember.
Or as HE likes to say, "Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10.
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