When Mama Bear Isn't Sure What To Do!

   

Don't mess with Mama bear!

      I am totally a Mama bear. You have heard of Tiger moms, I am a Mama Bear. Anyone that knows me would agree. Some don't like it. I've been told by some family they think it's a little too much even. Well, whether others like it or not, I am. No one can mess with my children without having to go through me. I'm not psycho about it, just very involved and protective.
     So, as a Mama bear, I know that my job is to stand up for my kids. Any threat to them will be dealt with. I will obliterate the threat and protect my cubs. It's a simple idea, right?
     Here is the problem that I have just recently encountered, and have been spending several days thinking, about in depth. When there is a threat to my children it is easy; I target the threat and protect the child.... What if the threat is the child itself? Meaning, what if my child chooses to do something that is harmful to him or herself? Making choices that are not good choices. What if my child choose to smoke cigarettes, do drugs, become enamored with someone that is not a good influence or worse. What if they choose to get involved in activities that can truly harm their character or influence their character in a negative way?
(Disclaimer: My kids are fine and not doing anything in this manner. I am listening to others talk about activities or choices their kids have made and I am reevaluating the Mama Bear instinct in me).
      I had always thought, it would be easy. I'd do whatever I had to do to keep my child from that activity. I would be happy going to extremes.






      But, that goes along with the idea that I was an amazing parent-BEFORE I had kids. Then reality sets in. Then you realize, you have a small window that you get to direct all of your kids activities. I am at some point demoted to coach rather then complete life director. When they hit the teen years I think we are just as important, in many ways more, but we need to take the passenger seat and let the teen drive. It's just like when they get their driving permit, we as parents, have to sit in the passenger seat and try to encourage and point out the best directions. Reminding them of the turn signals and when to brake so as to not jar everyone in the cars necks.  I am not in the drivers seat anymore. This is a terrifying place to be; both literally and metaphorically.
Some parents are really good at sitting in the passenger seat with their child driving. Some parents are more then ready to hand over their child's decision making to them. Mama Bear is freaking out isn't so sure. My mom was a freak in the car. Still is. I'm 41 years old and my mom will still hit the imaginary brake and turn the imaginary steering wheel when she is in the car with me. I don't think I'm that bad but, I am certainly not taking a nap either.
      So, back to the thought of them making choices for their own lives, I'm not sure what to do. If my child is going to make a poor choice for his or her life- who do I obliterate to keep them safe?! How do I protect my child from the danger if the danger is my own child's mind or intentions?
     I grew up with many girls that had eating disorders. Many had anorexia or bulimia. Those eating disorders started somewhere. Were there waring signs before they became bulimic? How do you as a parent deal with that? Or a girl or boy that has a desire to be with another that is so unhealthy for them to be with? How do you get rid of the threat if the threat comes from within your own child? (yes, you get counseling when it is necessary but, as a family how do you deal with it? And as you suspect the beginnings of it?) The issue becomes if I do too much I may drive my child right into the activity that is harmful. If I do too little, .... well, I should have done more.
     I don't know that there is one answer, but I will say that my parenting style of Mama Bear is having a very difficult time figuring out how to respond. I love my children fiercely. I would do almost anything for them. My children fully believe that if they were ever in trouble that their dad and I would be there to help them. But, how does Mama and Papa bear help a child from themselves?
     Boy, parenting was so much easier when they were little and the threat was a loose dog in the neighborhood or a mean child at the park.
     Well, here comes parenting teenagers!

NOT ME!! I DIDN'T DO IT!!

"I am everywhere and I am nowhere."

                  

                


                  Someone eats all of the M&M's I bought to go in a recipe. Someone spills something on the carpet. Someone leaves the yogurt carton out. Someone rips moms notebook pages. Someone opens a soda and sips it a little at a time from the garage refridgerator.  Someone turns the answering machine off. Someone leaves the front door open. Someone leaves the lights on in the bathroom, or the water running. The list could keep going. When you have 4 kids, there is no end to this list. With one child they can only get away with so much. They can't very well blame dad for leaving Legos all over the floor. But with 4 kids, it could be anyone. 
                   The other day my hubby says to Girlie, " Don't kick the back of my seat." We were in the car.
                   Her response? "Hers did it!" Pointing at her Princess doll.
 Leave it to Girlie to find a new twist on that one. (yes she said Hers with an S. Don't know why she does that. A 3 year old quirk.)

                   Boy number  2 was asked to throw away a box of doughnuts that we had for 2 days and Dad and I had decided the kids had enough sugar.  There was a chocolate doughnut left in the box.
                  "Boyo 2, don't eat the doughnuts in the box. Just take them out to the big trash. They are old and we don't want you to eat them. Do you understand?"
                 "Yes."
                  2 minutes later Boyo number 2 came in the door with chocolate all over his face.
                "Why did you eat that doughnut?
                 "I didn't eat anything."
                Yes, it was a fib. And yes there were consequesnces. But, really we set him up to a certain degree. We didn't think about it but, really... How could he not eat it? At least that is what many would say. I think we are supposed to own up to what we do and exercise self control when ever possible.
             Sometimes these moments are comical like the cartoon above. But, the character traits that need to be worked on are glaring. The self control monster is a difficult one to tame for all of us. A piece of cake here. Over indulgence there. And owning up to something that we did is hard as well. Not just for a kid afraid of punishment but, for the adult afraid of the world knowing our shame. Do I really want everyone to know that I go into the pantry each day and eat a couple squares of chocolate? O.K. how about that maybe it isn't chocolate. Maybe someone wants to sneak a cigarette? Or something else. (I don't ). What about my vegetarian friend? What if she has a terrible craving for a double double with lots of onions from In-N-Out? Oh what if those couples in your bible study group knew that when you stepped on a Lego in the night you yelled out a stream of cuss words?
              O.K. you get the picture. What I am saying is that if I am going to be working on my own children's character flaws, it stinks but, I got to work on mine as well.
            So, here's to deciding which flaws to start with because, if you are anything like me-you've got a few. If you are unsure of your flaws, just ask your spouse or children. They'll know.
      By the way is that your 4th cup of Starbucks this week? And by the way it's monday.... hee hee.

What color are your eyes??

       I have brown eyes. Growing up I always felt like I didn't have as pretty of eyes as girls with blue eyes. My best friend had blue eyes. My mom told me she had hoped that when she married a man with blue eyes, her children would have blue eyes. Once in school while talking about discrimination, the teacher had told us about an experiment that another class had done where the brown eyed kids were treated different then the blue. Less important. I'm sure I remember that the class switched the preferred eye color to blue the next day. But, all I remember is that brown eyes must not be as special. I wasn't upset about it. Just hoped that I had a blue eyed child. It must be prettier. Right?
      I did have a blue eyed child. In fact, I had 4 of them. I am the only one in my family with brown eyes (well, the dog did. But, we had to give him away when we moved. So just me). Well, one of those beautiful blue eyed children was a girl. A precious, 4 year old, blue eyed, blond, curly haired darling. She is as beautiful inside as she is out. (O.K. I'm a bit biased). The other day she said to me, "Mommy, I love your chocolate eyes."
     WHAT?! 
     Chocolate?
     I had never heard them called that before?
     Chocolate is wonderful.
     I like chocolate. A LOT!
     A child's perspective is completely amazing and different then ours. I had never thought of my eyes as chocolate color. I love it. Aren't you jealous of my chocolate eyes? You only have blue. So sad for you!! HaHaHa. 
     So there you have it. 
     She sadly told me she wished she had my black straight hair too. Oh no little one. You are a dead ringer for Shirley Temple. You are one spectacular little girl. Love who God made you.
     

Baby Boy Driving.

     He was perfect. I had dreamed of him my whole life. And he was just the way I had dreamed. Soft skin, beautiful blue eyes, cute little nose, sweet little lips.
My first child. My son. My precious little darling. I loved him so much that it actually, physically hurt me. I didn't know that I could live that much. My heart swelled. It was huge with love for him.
     He grew. He loved me back. He would grab my hand. He'd cuddle up next to me to watch his favorite show. When we were apart, he'd squeal, and ran to me, so excited to see me
And the best part? Sometimes when I was really blessed, he'd look at me, and say, "Mommy, I love you."
     What more would any mom want? Yes I was smitten by my firstborn son.
Well, he's growing up. He has hit many milestones. One by one. I celebrated each one. His Birthday came yesterday. He turned 15. I thought that was a big deal. Then today happened.
Today my oldest son was learning to drive. He and my husband got in the 1972 Jeep Commando that my husband restored. The thing is super hard to drive. It's a stick shift. No power anything. Not brakes, steering. And certainly not windows. My husband says if he can drive that he can drive anything.
     So, there we go. My baby boy driving. He was so intense. Very focused. I was so proud. And misty all at once. He drove by our house about 5 times.
     Well, it's happening. He's growing up. I'm so happy he's growing up.   Also very proud. But, I'll tell you the truth. It is happening. Going quickly are the days when I am his favorite person in his life. That is good. But still pulls at a moms heart strings. Especially when it is the first born. First there will be driving, then college classes, his job and a woman. Not any woman. THE woman. The woman that will take my place. Is it weird that I see my son driving and I go to the woman that will hold my sons heart??
     I'm so excited for those days to come. I am nostalgic for the cuddle time on the couch and the little boy squealing that I'm home. So here I am. Quite aware that I am watching the end of my little boys mother worship. Have you been here? How am I supposed to feel?

The Hair Clip Distaster

             Little girl was on the toilet and starts screaming. I go running in to see what has happened.
She has dropped her hair clip down into the toilet where she has gone,... poop.
"Get it Mommy!! Get it out! Don't flush it!"
"No."
"Mommy, get it!! I want it. I love it! It's my favorite!"
" I am not putting my hand in there with your poop for a hair clip."
Disgusted look and angry darts blazed from her eyes.
"Get Daddy. He'll do it for me. D-A-D-D-Y!!!"

Dad replies, "I'll buy you a new one."
Girlie, "O.K. Daddy."

Really. I get glares and he gets an O.K. Daddy? I guess I was the one that flushed.

An Adventure Of A Lifetime!

Is this the most exciting thing you can think of to do?

            




           Today I celebrated being married to the man of my dreams for 18 years. (I wrote this last summer. It got buried. Thought I'd go ahead and push it through). He and I have been together for 20 years. Half of my life. Over the last half of my life I have gained much; money, debt, new cars, old cars, big houses, little condos, gray hair, a "comfortable" body, jewelry, collectibles, Tupperware, books, love, Lots, and lots of love, children, family, friends, jobs, skills, relationships, scars, sadness, joy, pure simple joy, laughter, so much laughter I have wet my pants, tears, wounds, pain, elation, and so much more than I could ever write or share with anyone. The term we have used for years to describe our life together has been an adventure. Adventure defined in the dictionary:

ad·ven·ture

noun /adˈvenCHər/  /əd-/  An unusual and exciting, typically hazardous, experience or activity Daring and exciting activity calling for enterprise and enthusiasm

verb /adˈvenCHər/  /əd-/  Engage in hazardous and exciting activity, esp. the exploration of unknown territory Put (something, esp. money or one's life) at risk

Let's see according to the list I made above, I think our life together qualifies as an 
adventure. I never thought of a marriage as anything really very exciting before but, I think that is because I believed the bologna that I was taught by society.  Funny, most movies are full of the lies that tell young men and women and actually old ones too, that marriage is a sell out. It is the boring life. Men, you will never have fun again. Sex will be monotonous, and with the same woman for the rest of your LIFE!! Never will you be able to be you, and hang out with your friends. Ladies, we will be bored, and taken advantage of. We will turn into hags. NO, OUR MOTHERS!! The horror!! All I have to say is, marriage isn't for sissies. It is a serious endeavor that takes huge sacrifice, and humility. But, if played out right, you will have the ride of your life. 
           Humility. That word can strike fear in the meekest of us. Humility is the opposite of pride. Pride. Men, we know where you stand on Pride. I just need to put down a few names and we get the idea, right? John Wayne. Daniel Boone. Clint Eastwood. You get the picture. Strong, tough, shoot now ask questions later. Women, all I need to do is show what the other definition of pride is. All of  the female lions in a male lions harem. Well, we all know who hunts and takes care of everything. The female lion. The male is there to share in the kill and have his fun. Pride. I am woman hear me ROAR. This is the picture that the ERA would love to have you paint. 
             Look at the definition of adventure again. The number one listed is:
1."An unusual and exciting, typically hazardous, experience or activity"
A happy marriage in this day, seems to be unusual. At least that is what we are told. Exciting? Well, there have been days that I have left teeth marks in my seat. Most people ride roller coasters. I gave those up when I got married. Typically hazardous? Well, I wasn't kidding when I say I have scars. The silliest scar, is from falling into the fake Christmas tree trying to hang the last ornament and fell into the tree. All I wanted was to have the perfect tree for our family to enjoy. Broke the ornament and the tree. The ornament shattered (it was the kind of ornament my husband likes.) and dug into my arm. I still have the scar and that was at least 6 years ago. Most difficult scars? Having children. We all know there are ugly scars on many of us moms bodies. Some very visible, others in places only are dear husbands see. That fulfills the first definition listed. 
               Second part of the definition:
2."Daring and exciting activity calling for enterprise and enthusiasm"
Having had lots of money and then not...that calls for someone to become very enterprising. Especially when there are 6 mouths to feed. And for him, no jobs. Anywhere. We have been called on to be enterprising. Resourceful is another way to say that. 
Enthusiasm. It must be called on to continue the momentum that is needed to keep a marriage rolling. Even when the terrain to be rolled on is uphill. Like a cheerleader we both had to become. For our relationship as husband and wife, as friends, and as parents. 
                 When it says; "the exploration of unknown territory," you have to know that in order to have a different kind of marriage then we had ever seen, in order to be all that we knew we could be fore each other, there was totally unknown territory. Being put through trials that we have been put through; one of us seriously ill, fatally sick child, bed rest for 5 months, with the belief that it was probably not going to turn out good anyway (it did though), loosing everything, and all of the roadblocks in the middle of those "highlights", we had never seen or done anything like it. This was new territory.
                 And the last part, "Put (something, esp. money or one's life) at risk." I'm laughing in the face of those that say that marriage is boring. Mine has NEVER been boring. I just shared a few of the exciting parts. Putting money at risk? Been there, done that. One's life at risk? Yep, there too. When I was on bed rest, I was told that they would be watching closely to the stats because I could bleed out at any minute and both I and the baby would die. Pretty monotonous stuff, huh? 
                 Through all of the ups and downs, corkscrews, and loopty loos, you have two choices: hold on with everything you got and pray or give up. Run, screaming for the hills. Yelling, it's just too hard.
                 Hard? Maybe. Monotonous? I don't think so. So I ask, will you go on an adventure that is full of smaller excursions on the way or will you be a sissy and give up at the smallest skirmish? Come on put on your big girl panties and throw your arms up in the air and scream with delight through all that life throws at you. What you get through as a couple will make your relationship stronger and your character more complete. 
             
           

Stalker!!

Me: "Please carry the basket of clean clothes upstairs."
14 year old son: "Who will carry it when you get old?"
Me:"You."
Son:"What if I move away? To .....Alabama?"
Me: "I will move with you. Follow you"
Son: "That's called a Stalker."
Me: "That's called a Mom."

Rainbows And Cupcakes

Girlie is carrying around a teacup, telling us it is full of rainbows.
Little boyo grabs her cup and makes a big slurp noise.
"He stole my rainbow!" comes the umbelievimg girlie.
I am unflustered. Without skipping a beat, I say,"Spit it out." holding the cup to his lips.
He pretends to spit it out.
Girlie screams, "Now it's all wet!"
Of course.
Why didn't I think of that?
Little boyo doesn't want to be out done. Says back very authoritative, "I can only burp cupcakes. "

And that was my day.

Frozen Yogurt

            I'm not a huge fan of frozen yogurt. I mean, really what is the benefit that is so great that out weighs ice cream? I LIKE ice cream. I really like ice cream. Why yogurt? It's like being on a diet and trying to pretend that you aren't. Like eating carob instead of milk chocolate. Really? Then we go and there isn't even chocolate mint. To me that is the only flavor even worth eating yogurt. So I get "Just Chocolate". That is really the name of it. Like, (in a dejected exhaling moan) "I guess I'll get Just Chocolate...." Yea! nothing says yum like Just Chocolate.
           So here I am eating frozen yogurt and it is getting cold outside. Yes, there were no seats inside. And I started telling my 2nd that he shouldn't steal his sisters mini chocolate chips. "Besides," I say,"they look like little mouse poops."
            Husband says, " Hey Heth, there is one right there."
             One what, I'm thinking.
           "You better look down. It's right there. "
            "Yea, right. " I know I can be gullible and I just said mouse but, really? I'm not fall!!!!.... AAAAAHHHHH!!! THERE IS A MOUSE UNDER MY CHAIR! SERIOUSLY! UNDER MY CHAIR!!! 
            Both legs pull up. OH NO! I don't do mice! Rodents are disgusting. OOOOO! It is nasty. Well, I realize I am pulling a famously wonderful mom moment. Again, because both of the "Littles" are shaking, have big eyes and are squealing in unison. I wait until the creepy little thing is not where I can see it anymore. Pick up my Frozen Yogurt (That stuff wasn't good or my idea. And a super gross waste of time) and toss the rest in the trash. I declare I'm cold and leaving. The Littles follow suit. Little Girlie licking a bit more of the Pink yogurt she is eating (with the mouse poop chips on it) and tosses the rest without question (this was Girlie. The one that questions everything). And jumps in the car saying,"And carry azezes (in english that is diseases)."
            O.K. I have scarred my children for life. Although the Bigs have faired quite well over the years with my mouse/rodent phobia. You know the usually giggles and peels of laughter as I walk by the little hairy monsters and shiver at the pet store. That kind of thing.
           The worst part? My brother was reminding me on the phone how Jaws had scared me when I was a kid so I wouldn't go in the ocean for half the summer. Him, he thought the movie was cheesy. He just knew King Kong was way worse anyway. My boys, having heard this conversation start saying, "I think we should call the mouse Jaws. Did you see jaws under the table mom? Ha ha ha ha!"
          The other one is a bit quicker in saying, "Not Jaws. NIBBLES!! Nibbles the Ferocious! Ha ha ha ha!"
           Great, now I'll be haunted by my children and Nibbles the killer baby mouse (Oh did I leave out the part where I was supposed to say it was a baby mouse. SO CREEPY!!). And no it isn't cute!!

I was going to put a picture of a
baby mouse but, I couldn't bring myself
to do it!! 

Shopping With The Girlie!

The bigger it spins, the better the dress. 

           

             I took my girlie for our first girls shopping trip. Nothing fancy, just Kohl's. I really hadn't shopped there much before. Just a couple of run in, run out shopping is all. And always with the whole crew.
So, this was different.
            She is 2. Well, almost 3. So she is a fashionesta. I never really got why moms would buy things or allow their daughters to dress so fancy to go out and about. Then I had Girlie.... Yep, she has a big opinion about what she wears and what she wants. She wears a pink tu-tu all the time. Just because. I was a mom of 3 boys first. I was used to going to the store with Superman, or a pirate, but a pink tu-tu? And jewelry?
             Several months ago, Girlie decided she wanted earrings. She would ask everyday. Well, I didn't have any clip on ones and piercing a 2 year olds ears isn't something I was willing to do. When she is old enough to take care of them and not get hit in the head with a soccer ball and get it embeded into the side of her neck, then we will be good to go. Well, I asked a friend where to get those stick on earrings. You know (or maybe you don't if you only have boys.)  She has 4 girls (God bless her!). Claire's was where she said to go. Full of girls pretty little do-dads.
              A place of unknown treasures to a mom of 3 boys. This  is a place I had never ventured. You know, like the pink aisle at the toy store. You just don't go there if you have boys. Well, I am learning a whole new side to parenting a girl. So much fun. The toys she likes, I would have liked. I don't have to hear her drown on about the latest Transformers, or Beyblade toy. I can only hear how Optimus Prime and blah, blah blah, fought blah, blah, to blah, blah.... They start to sound like the parents in the Peanuts cartoons. Sorry, I do listen to my kids. But, how many times do I have to listen to Death Star scenarios???
               Oh and movies. Don't get me wrong I loved Toy Story, and Cars  was great but, wouldn't it be nice to throw in a princess or two? I missed Belle and Cinderella. What about a little Tinker Bell? I am a girl for goodness sake. I did learn to love Indiana Jones but, Star Wars ( I am so sorry those of you that think it is a sacred movie) , I hate it. I can sit through some if it but, it really seems like all the same story all over again and again. (I know I am not Jedi worthy).
                All of this said, I come back to my original thought. Shopping. I used to love to shop. What girl doesn't? What wasn't to love when I had my cute high school firm body. Before kids. Well, now there are several reasons not to like it. I don't have that body anymore. I have 4 kids to take with me (Hence the body change), the kids need stuff more then I do, and it is expensive. Oh yea, and the boys don't want to shop unless it is the toy store, Gamestop, or maybe the book store. I just decided that I just didn't like to shop anymore. I would just pick up an item here or there. Needless to say my wardrobe is not anything to rave about.
                Then comes girlie. We went into that store with the intent to buy a couple pairs of shorts for me and maybe a couple of t-shirts. It was like a whole new experience. She loved it. We looked at tops together. I would try on a skirt and she would say, "Oh mommy, that is pretty. Spin."
Spin? Spin? I remember doing that as a little girl. The best dresses and skirts would spin so big. Remember that? How does she know that? Is it something a little girl is born with? To know that the best skirts spin big?  I would pick out a top and she would find me a better one.
                Then came the conversations in the dressing room. Now this got a little embarressing when I realized that everyone else in there was laughing because they could hear her. I know that is why they are laughing because one of them said, "I am loving listening to her. My daughter was the same way. She is well on her way to being your fashion coordinator."
                We were in the dressing room and I had picked out a sensible white top. Girlie declared quite loudly that it was ugly! And that I needed the purple one she picked. It was very pretty. She even told me one looked old. Not sure what that meant but, I didn't buy it.
              Then I needed undies. Well, I'm looking for beige, and ivory, maybe brown or something mellow. Every time I looked in the cart, she had thrown in these fuschia lacy panties with a diamond on the front. I gave up the 4th time and left them in. I did draw the line at the bright Pink and purple zebra striped ones. I could not have made it through the check out with a straight face with those in there.
             We even got to look at jewelry together. You know the fun bangles and dangles. I never look at those anymore. The boys are always antsy by the time I pick something out quickly and maybe try something on. I would never push them by making them sit through the bangles. Besides it isn't fun to look alone. She picked out some doozies there too. A huge bejeweled owl necklace. You know the kind that your 3rd grade teacher would have worn every day until the bug eyes would make you have bad dreams. I talked her into some fun colorful bracelets. And I bought a purse. Pink not brown because girlie said it was prettier, and she was right.
             Shopping may be fun again. I may have to try that a couple more times. Mommy and girlie time. What a totally new concept to me.
             The Lord knew what I needed at this point in my life. I have 3 wonderful boys. 3 sons. I love my boys and have done so many boy things for so many years (14 to be exact). I taught them all to enjoy baking and tea parties. All of them have had a doll at one time or another. We even owned a kitchen for a short time with the first son. The doll was never a baby and the kitchen never baked a cake; only bug pies and Hot Wheels pizza. That is fine. They had fun and so did I. I did long for an Easy Bake Oven. Or a baby dolls with all of the accessories to go with her. But, I was resigned to the fact that I would be buying and playing with Hot Wheels for the rest of my life.
              Well, not now. Girlie and I will play with the Hot Wheels but, we will also play with dolls and pretend "baby" is sleeping or is cranky and needs a nap. I will get to go shopping again and pick out pretty clothes, not just functional clothes. I will again enjoy the little more frilly side of life. Thank you God for my girlie.
                 What icing on the cake that you made her so adorable. Blond ringlet curls and big blue eyes. Not at all like me. But even more beautiful then I could have dreamed.
                 Now if I can just convince her that I am as nice as Daddy, we will be all set.

It Is Coming..... Sooner Rather Than Later

      
             I saw it. I just caught a glimpse but, it was enough to make me choke back a tiny gasp and put a lump in my throat. I knew it was coming but, to actually see it... To know that the inevitable was going to come SOME day was O.K. To know that it is here.... Excuse me while I have a good cry. Not all sad tears. Joyful, excited, anxious tears. I know I am like all other moms (especially homeschool moms) that say, "Really God? Now? Why do you make it happen so fast?! I don't think I'm ready." 
            One day he was a chubby little bug, grabbing my pants and giggling. Then he was the smiling little buddy, following Daddy everywhere around with his own work boots and tool belt on. Hammering every surface around. Now...sniff..., he is on the threshold of manhood. Really. He is taller then I am. His voice is deep and booming. His body is full of muscles cut all down his six pack stomach. He can even carry on a regular adult conversation with adults that doesn't include any words that describe bodily functions, or their sounds. 
             How is a mom to do this? How does God expect me to be anything but, bittersweet about this. I imagine Hannah must be my hero in the Bible to be able to give up her son just after he was weaned. I would have nursed that guy as long as is physically possible. I am happy he is becoming a man. And I really am seeing glimpses of a good man. One with strength of his belief in God. A man that will talk to a person no matter what they look like, or who they are. He loves to laugh and joke. He loves to read and share obscure facts. This is who he is. At least the first little bit of him. I am so anxious to see where God will lead him. 
              My husband just took him to an information night for the Mariners Sea Scouts. It is a sailing program. They teach them all about sailing but, it is in a boy scout type of format. He will be out in the ocean in a 1 man or 2 man boat at times. He will be out on a 37 foot yacht sailing to Catalina Island with a crew of men and women his age, and chaperone's. It could be a weekend trip. They have competitions with other Sea Scouts at the naval base. This isn't an easy adventure he is coming up on. This will be hard and at times intense work to do the drills that he has to do. 
              His classes for school are suddenly becoming more intense. He will have much more work to do. He is teaching the Kindergarten class (where his little brother is)at church, He is becoming a leader to others. He has been asked to be on the student council with our high school group. Girls talk to him. And he talks back!! I am so proud. (Girls can be scary. I know I am one. )
               I am ready, mostly, for him to cross that threshold but, I will watch him with an ache in my heart and a lump in my throat. My perfect little boy. My first born. The one I thought that I loved so much that I couldn't have anymore children because, I couldn't love them as much. (Little did I know that God stretches a moms heart to love and adore all of her children). When I looked into his little blue eyes, I knew this is what I was made to do. Raise him (and his brother's and sister). He was the beginning of motherhood for me. My series of milestones began with him as well. With him, I had my first Mother's day and felt so funny that someone else was going to call me Mom. I had my first Christmas that was about the "kids" and not myself or my husband. I have many firsts with him, just as I watched all of his firsts. 
                Maybe we should have a Mother's First Milestone book as well. My first time to nurse (WEEEEIIIIRD!). My first all nighter that didn't involve textbooks or a bag of Doritos and a bucket of chocolate ice cream. My first time being puked on, pooped on and snotted on. My first time to go out of the house with all 3 still on my shirt and not having a clue because I was so tired it never occurred to me to look in a mirror before I left. 
The first time my baby was hurt by another child. (I wanted to kick that kid!) The first time to go shopping and wanting to hurry through the mall because shopping wasn't (sniff) fun anymore. The first time he got hurt and I couldn't make it go away. The first time my child lost a tooth,  slept through the night, used the big potty, and was weaned to a big boy cup. All of his firsts went along side all of my firsts. I was so proud. I am so proud. 
find one that suits your life even better. 
               “Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your path.” Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)
                 He will direct your paths. He will be the best director of where you go. O.K. I am going to start bowing out now. It is your time to shine. A boy doesn't need his mommy around all the time to make sure he is doing the right thing and not missing opportunities. Baby, it is time for you to do that. Pray. Pray and read the Word. That is the best map. I will continue to be here but, on the sidelines. O.K.? I will not be the coach quite as often anymore. I am going to start becoming the cheerleader. Always here, cheering you on to YOUR success'. I am so excited to see the man that you become. I am so thrilled to watch as God guides you to the full man HE wants you to be. Just listen. Pray and listen. 
                 Now, go out and grab everything God puts in your path. Do everything with all your might. And don't forget to wave at me sometimes on the sidelines so I know you haven't forgotten about me. 
                  I love you, my darling first born. My the Lord continue to bless you and keep you close to HIM. 

YEA!! GO!!! RIGHT ON!!! WOO HOO!!!!

Well, really it will look more like this even though I feel like the other one. 

What Is Your Ministry?!

      



  

             I am a homeschool mom. I do not work for money outside of my home. I am home often. (Not always). And I am raising 4 children and teaching them what they need to know. I am also a wife. Our family is pretty traditional for the most part. He goes out and works all day and I am home teaching the kids and trying to manage the home in between. The house isn't always as managed as it should be. (When did I change the sheets last?) I also volunteer at our church for Kids Small Group once a week. Which is a bible study for each of the kids by age. This year I will be teaching one hour a week at our new co-op and volunteering 2 more hours there a week. Now I am on the board for our homeschool group. (That has been like a full time job the last 2 months.) No I'm not super mom or overly energetic. I really have a hard time getting through the day without a glass of sweet tea and a couple squares of chocolate around 4 p.m. I get cranky and frustrated. I get tired and worn out feeling. I'm a mom. Just like you.
             I want to share with you something I learned recently. I was feeling kind of... unimportant in the scheme of Gods' workers. I felt like my contributions to the world wasn't a whole lot.  I mean, there are days that I don't leave my house or carry on a conversation with someone that wouldn't think twice about wiping their nose on me mid-sentence. Because of schooling at home, I don't even have the mad dash of waving at other moms in the parking lot dropping or picking up some days. I spend my days singing the ABC's, checking spelling words, reading history, checking over math problems, coloring, cutting pasting, correcting term papers (my oldest has a couple of classes outside of our home), cooking, laundry, cleaning up, sweeping, planning, organizing, reorganizing, refereeing, screaming, laughing, crying, maintaining. You get the picture. Then you get a call from a friend saying they are going on a mission trip to dig wells in Africa, and another friend goes to Malaysia to share hygiene information, and then at church they are pitching for our kids to go on the mission trip to Mexico to build an orphanage. Oh yea, then there is my cousin that went to live in Nicaragua for 2 years to help at an orphanage and school. To teach about Jesus.
             Funny. I love my life. This one that God has blessed me with. Even all of the ups and downs. I am saddened by the people not blessed in the same way I am. So now I start feeling insignificant. Tiny. Unimportant.  Why aren't I going to Africa, or somewhere... I am not very worthy....  so I have spent many days on this thought and prayed fervently. Well, that is where the board position came in. Thanks God. I didn't say I didn't have anything to do. That I needed to fill my days. They are full. Why would you give me more things to do with so little time to do the things that I am responsible for now?
             That is when I heard it. Several times actually. It seems to be a theme. Several people have said the phrase to me, I have heard it in a song a couple of times, even the sermon had the phrase in it a few weeks ago.
"You have been put here for such a time as this." That is the phrase. Am I the only one that gets kinda weirded out by telling people what they hear God telling you? (Yes, I know weirded isn't a real word, word Nazi's). It's true. I have heard it over and over for the last 3 weeks. Well, if you know your bible, you know that phrase comes from Esther 4:14. The second part of the verse reads, "... And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"
               Wow. I have always loved the book of Esther because it's the book in the Bible that God himself isn't speaking or have a Prophet speaking for him. Esther and her family have to listen for God like we do. Maybe less. Esther is during the time when God was silent. Esther didn't see a burning bush. I don't know about you but, I always found it a bit unfair that Moses sees and hears a burning bush and I have to only rely on prayer and reading my Bible.  Well, I don't think God is silent now. We just aren't listening. I'm listening now.
                 I have come to realize in my many quiet times, that I am very significant. My contribution is really important. Before I was leading my homeschool group I was/am raising 4 disciples and christian soldiers to go out into the world to spread the gospel. To change the world. I have always known that I have been blessed with wonderful children. I have always known that they aren't mine
               Since my prayers for insignificance, God (as usual) is laughing at me. But, he is also cheering me on. As he cheers you on everyday. Ladies, being a wife and mother is an important ministry (at least it can be). Homeschooling your children is a huge ministry. So many just don't get why you do what you do. You do it because you have been called. Let's face it, many of us would love to drop our kids for several hours a day and be able to clean our house, work out, meet for lunch or coffee, grocery shop without sticky fingers grabbing everything on the shelf and distracting you from your list.
                 We have chosen the road less traveled. When neighbors and strangers look at us, they look with much more scrutinizing eyes. We could never exclaim to most of our neighbors or family for that matter, that we had a rotten day and didn't get any school work done today. Their answer would be, "Put them in school already." It's like complaining to someone that doesn't believe in breast feeding that your nipples are chapped. "Use a bottle."
                 I now realize that my job to minister isn't just to my family and neither is yours. My ministry is you. The other moms and especially other homeschool moms. Your ministry is me. Ladies, we are sisters in Christ. That makes us bonded to each other. We are the leaders preparing all of our children to go out and dig wells, teach orphans, help the poor, salvage a town after a disaster, all of the things we are commanded to do. You are not doing a tiny unimportant job. You are doing a huge job. You are raising up disciples. I know I have said it a few times. It is true.
                  Now have I scared you a little with the huge sense of responsibility that you have? Good. Now is the good part. You aren't alone. Not only do you have me; but best of all, you have God.
"Finally, be strong in the Lord, and in his mighty power." Ephesians 6:10
                 NOW, GIVE ME 50!!!  Hugs, words of encouragement, cups of shared coffee (or glasses of tea), trips to the park to encourage and build me up, of Mom's Night Out- to love and laugh with each other. Give me the love and support I need and I promise to be there for you as well. We can do this. You are important. And who knows, maybe one day you will lead a mission trip to the deepest part of the Amazon or to the top of a freezing mountain. What is your ministry now? What are you supposed to do to further God now?