Your Last Day.

   
      I'm sure you've heard someone say, "Live each day as if it were your last."
Have you ever thought of what that would mean? Everyone's last day would look different I'm sure. Some would spend that day at Disneyland, some would have a huge family get together, others would probably go sit outside and be with nature. I remember seeing a T.V. show where this couple, thinking the husband had a very short time to live, ran up an enormous debt vacationing and enjoying every second they had together.
     I'm not sure how living that way is going to be productive unless you tend to be a workaholic and never spend time on yourself. I even did a bible study using that thought as the premiss. I mean truthfully, if you have children and a spouse, you'd hope you would have things you wanted to tell them or share with them. That was the idea around the study. However, my mind went to other  places. Like, where I would like to go and things I want to eat!! Yea, I know, real deep. I suppose the truth has come out, I'm selfish. But, I wonder, aren't most of us? Maybe I'm going out on a limb here, hoping I'm not the only one that would think that way. I would tell my children how much I love them and all the important things I thought they would need to hear from me. Not so helpful would be that, I would spend much of the time being distraught over all I'd miss of their childhood and how they were going to get along without a mother. Then that would send me to the thought of- would my husband re-marry? NO! NEVER! He loves me too much. Then I would start thinking he should re-marry for his happiness and the kids. So, as you can see, that thought doesn't do me much good. Much mind wondering and distress over something that, hopefully, isn't going to happen any time soon.
     Then something very sad happened. One of the Pastors at our church had a daughter that was quite young come down with brain cancer. 
Jessie Rees was an amazing little girl that actually took the idea of, "what if this was my last day on earth" and left a huge imprint on so many. And since her journey to be with God, she is still making an impact. Wow. That is how we are all supposed to think when that question is posed to us. Unfortunately, I'm not sure I would. 
     It did make me think from another stand point though that did make an impact on me. The thought of that little girls parents and siblings living with the thought that any day she would likely be gone.  This thought horrified me. Oh my goodness, what if it were the last day of my husbands life, or my childs', or moms, etc. You get the idea. It is one of the many things that encouraged me to move back to TN to be with and help my Grandmother for those few short months. It has also been creeping into my head lately when I reprimand my children or get irritated with someone I know. Actually, I've been thinking this morning, it really should impact how I treat everyone. Even strangers. 
     If you knew this was the last time you were going to see someone you love, wouldn't you love them more and fuss less? Wouldn't you linger a little longer then be in such a rush to get on with the busyness of life? I mean people are why we are here, right? Relationships? God wants a relationship with all of us. So, we are to love too. "Love one another"

John 13:34-35

³⁴ “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. ³⁵ By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

Would you be a little more urgent with spreading the Gospel to those you thought didn't have much time?  Would you go out of your way to send notes of encouragement and love? Just pick up the phone and talk for a bit?
     Well, I'm going to think on this a little more. I want to stop and think more before I speak. Before I tell my husband I'm tired and don't want to go for a walk with him right now. Or that I'm too busy to go for the little drive to the gas station with him to keep him company. Before, I fuss at my kids for laughing to loud or being silly, I need to stop and enjoy that moment and let them enjoy it too. 
As for the stranger on the street that cuts me off or yells at me (maybe tells me "I'm #1"), I need to give a minute and some grace. I don't know what that person is going through. I don't know if he/she is experiencing a major loss in their life or they themselves will be gone tomorrow. 
     Many won't like this post. They'll probably tell me it's kinda morbid. It is. But, to all of those people who don't believe in our Christ, I bet we sound pretty morbid. I mean think about it. We worship this man that was beaten to a bloody mess and left to die. His family and friends spent much time thinking about what life was going to be like without him. To them (Jesus' family and friends) life was going to be awful and gut wrenching. But, He was prepared because He knew what was going to be waiting for him when it was all over. Heaven. But, for us people left behind, what of us? Did his mom feel like she told him she loved him enough? Did his brothers belittle his ministry? Remember when his family came to get him and told him to come home? Said he was out of his mind?

 Mark 3:21 says,"When his family heard about this, they went to take charge of him, for they said, "He is out of his mind."

     Boy, I bet they felt like heels. Especially, after the whole rising from the dead thing. None of us are raising Jesus. But, we are raising his disciples and our spouses are blessings that God has given us to make it through this life as a helper and encourager. That means you are supposed to be an encourager too. Are you? Am I? Well, I can say that I am going to try harder at being more loving and more encouraging. I am going to try to live my life treating my family and friends as if they were not going to be here tomorrow. Like I may never have the chance to love on them or tell them how important  they are to me. I'm going to use this time to lift them up and Help them to have a joyful outlook. 

     God loves all of His children and we are supposed to as well. 

Here are some verses to help us remember what it is God says about this. 

Ephesians 4:2-3 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

Philippians 2:2  complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.

1 John 3:18 Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.

I need to work on Philippians 2:2- "being of full accord and one mind."
And also Ephesians 4- to have "humility and gentleness, with patience...." Wow that is a doozy.

     So, with that; I will be looking at you all differently. Pardon me if I hold on a little longer when we hug Hello or Good bye. Excuse me for looking at you with an expression as if I am trying to memorize your face. And be understanding if I call you just to talk. 
     And in case you live too far away for me to hug you, know that I love you and am thinking of you often.

I'm No Moses

     Have you ever stopped and wondered how lonely Moses must have been? Or Abraham? What about Esther? Do you think Ruth ever stopped and thought, "What am I doing?! I could be at my parents house right now, eating goat and laughing with my mama. Why am I following this crazy old woman??"

     I read a post by my sweet cousin today. She is a missionary in Nicaragua with her husband and is pregnant with her first sweet baby. http://loveinleon.blogspot.com/2013/06/psalm-139-9-10.html?m=0 ( sorry I'm on my phone version and can't make that look prettier. No Internet for the computer yet). 

     OK. Tell the truth. You just went "oh my!" All of the lonely feelings and fear and emotions you felt when you were pregnant came flooding into your memory. Now you put yourself in a foreign country. Scary huh? And when I read her blog today, my heart aches for her. It is so scary to be pregnant. No matter how much you want to be. But, that is so true of many things in life. 

      God leads us to what he has made us to do at the time that he needs us to do them. We don't get to plan things the way we thing they would be perfect. We don't get to stockpile mounds of money. Or have it be the perfect timing in our eyes. It's all Gods timing and his plans. As a Christian I know that. And can somewhat accept that. As a human? No way! I want to shout somedays, "God, are you paying attention? Why now? Why me? Why can't you check off some of my to do list and needs and desires before I have to do that?" I want to shout, "God, I'm scared. I'm not equipped. No one will believe me. No one will help. I'm alone God. Why?? Why can't you make this easier? Why does it have to be so painful? Why does it have to be so scary?" 

     Funny though, HE's heard all of this a gagillion times. (Yes, that's a number! I think.). 

     Moses said send Someone else. (Exodus 4:13 I've said this before). Abraham said I'm too old. (Genesis 18:11) Sarah just laughed (Genesis 18:12) Esther said why me? (Esther 4:11) The list goes on. God picks those he can use and that bring glory to him. He chose David to kill Goliath (1 Samuel 17; 21:9) so that it would be an amazing feat. A boy kill a giant? Really? We're still talking about it. A young orphan girl saves her outcast, exiled people?(Esther) An old man and lady become mother and father of a nation?(Abraham) There are so many underdog stories in the bible. And they're great. 

But, when we are the underdog, .... It doesn't feel so great. It feels terrifying. Lonely. Too hard. Impossible. Being a child of God isn't always easy. In fact we're guaranteed trials because of being His child. 

     My family moved to a new state. Very far away from where we all grew up and knew everything. Even though we didn't like everything where we lived before, we knew where things were. We knew people. We had our foods that we knew and liked. We knew where places were. 

This new place feels like a foreign country. The people talk with accents and they have words we don't understand. They have customs we don't understand and some we really don't like. (I'm being honest). The food isn't what we are used to and like. Not everyone is glad we are here. 

     We moved here because we had been lead to move here for several years by God's prompting. Those who think that is a crazy statement, may as well stop reading now. It gets deeper. 

When ever we used logic or talked about not going God would do things to get our attention. Some tried to put roadblocks in front of us. Some told us we were crazy. WE said it was crazy. We pleaded with God for other answers. For better scenarios. For different scenarios. But, the reality is that God has a purpose for us and being here in this house, with this lovely, crazy old lady, in this strange town, with strange food, is where we are supposed to be. 

     My husband had a business. A good business. With his family. We had his family near us. We had an ocean view. We had friends. We had familiarity. We had a homeschool group. We had classes we could go to. We had stores we knew and liked. Natural foods, etc were plentiful and easy to get. We had awesome doctors. We had the beach. A church we loved. Wonderful weather, I better not keep going. 

     Now we are in a new land. We are learning new customs. And we are trying to figure out how to do everything in a new way. 

     Why? Some think its to gain material things. That isn't even really possible. And we have given up so many material possessions we have come somewhat, to the opinion that its all just things,and  stuff anyway. 

      Some believe that we were in financial crisis and that's why we're here. That we couldn't care for ourselves anymore. That one is interesting because, we have been in financial crisis, but we were on the recover. We waited on God to pull us through it. Besides we had more predictability with our finances there then we do here. 

     Some just think we are crazy. Maybe they are right. 

     Here is the real story. We have always dreamed of living on a farm. Raising our own food, open spaces, etc.,  etc. 

We love my grandma. We weren't happy with all of the ways that California was going in becoming one of the biggest nanny states. We hated the way we felt like we were always looking over our shoulder to see if someone was taking offense at how we raise our children, etc. 

It was getting more difficult each year to do business in California and make a profit. California is not friendly to the small business owner. We missed having more family around. Family our kids age. Those are all true statements. But, we also had so much we loved where we were. Like I stated above; the beach, family, friends, familiar foods, stores, places, doctors, weather, homeschool, etc. 

All of that aside; we moved because God prompted us. Grandma, has been diagnosed with dementia. She is getting worse. She lives on a big old farm. With space around her. A big house that was empty most of the time. She wasn't even able to sleep at home. All of our family that lives close to her works. And many live too far to help. 

     I'm not sure why God expected us to be the ones to give up our life and care for her but, he did. So we did. It is a ministry. God wants us to be here for this woman who has tried to be a godly woman her whole life. Who has served others, cared for others. Our mission is to be here for her. Love her. Fill the last part of her life with as much joy and peace as we can. In the mean time we get to teach our children what God means about sacrifice. We don't burn goats and sheep anymore. But we are supposed to sacrifice things that are much more difficult. Ourselves. Our comforts. This is a sacrifice. But it's also, such a blessing. I don't know if we'll live here in the south for the rest if our lives or not. I do know that we live here now. And we are supposed to squeeze all of the life out of being here that we can. 

     Am I ruining my children? Many would say it isn't fair to sacrifice your children's childhood (I believe is the way it was told to me by someone) to do something like this. But, we made this decision as a family. They wanted to come before my husband and I did. And how is teaching them by example about God's love bad? They are participating in daily life with Grandma. Her ability to teach them anything is quickly disappearing. But their ability to love her and learn how to care for another above themselves? That is priceless. All Christian parents talk about doing selfless things to teach and share with their kids. God has brought us here to do it. This is life. Right now. It is messy. It is unorganized much of the time. But, to see my Grandma light up to play a game with my two youngest. Or take my older two boys hand to walk across the grass, that is what this about. Her life. Right now. My kids do and will have childhood experiences. But, they will know that somedays Grandma is having a bad day. People all around us everyday have bad days. We need to be extra kind and aware of others around ourselves everyday. How is it that children are supposed to be given all of these "advantages" in toys, places to go, things to do, all geared to a wonderful childhood then suddenly grow up and be giving and self sacrificial? We need to teach by example. 

      My Grandma was the last to sit down at the table. She was the first to get up. She washed dishes, clothes, floors, walls, toilets, sinks, garages, and anything else she could reach. She grew food and canned them and preserved them and fed her family and anyone else that would come to a meal. Many have opinions as to why she was that way. Mine? She knew how to serve others above herself. Don't misunderstand me, no one is a saint. Not even Grandma (family is laughing and nodding) but, each of us cousins had a place to go and be a child. Be fed incredible food. Stay in an impeccably clean home. Run. We would run. All the while I never heard her list all that she had done that day. She did it silently. Everyday. I'm not good at that one. I may do many things during the day, but I want to tell you all I got accomplished. Sorry Grandma. I didn't learn that one. 

     I truly want to be a servant to God. I truly want to raise my children in his favor and his service. I truly want to do His will and graciously take the blessings HE wants to pour out on my family. I have to remember HIS idea of a blessing and my idea of a blessing are surely different sometimes. 

     HE is a good God. HE is a just God. HE is a living Father. HE wants what's best for me and my children. 

     Unfortunately, sometimes, many times, HIS path is lonely. When God is making a David or an Esther, HE doesn't always give them a buddy to do it with. HE wants the glory. Not the buddy not the servant. In our weakness HE is made great. 

     So please, if someone you know does something really counter culture and weird with their lives, try not to judge them by saying that they are being irresponsible. It looks and is irresponsible to the world and society to do many of what God wants. Tithing most of the time in today's world is irresponsible, having too many children, is irresponsible (even though God says all children are blessings), talking to and helping a homeless man is many times scary and irresponsible, moving to a third world country and having a baby there seems irresponsible, giving away most of your possessions and moving into an old lady's cluttered home, going to her church, and living where we know very little seems irresponsible. But, listening to a burning bush and trying to lead a people that only partially wanted you there(Moses) seems irresponsible, spending several years building an enormous boat many, many miles from any body of water(Noah) seems irresponsible, a young boy(David) fighting a giant is hugely irresponsible, marching around a secure city(Jericho) several times a day screaming is irresponsible and crazy, a young orphan girl that suddenly becomes queen throwing away her new found comforts and  her life possibly, to walk into the kings throne room uninvited to her possible death to save a people that saw her as nobody-is irresponsible. However, God knows what HE is doing. We will continue to follow HIS path for our family even though it is lonely. Even though others talk behind our back or worse to our face about how crazy and irresponsible we are being, we will love on Grandma and raise our children in this new life. This new adventure. 

       For the record, we aren't great, awesome, holy people. We are just a couple of people trying yo follow a God that has crazy plans. And hey, when was the last time you did anything "irresponsible" for God? Maybe you should try it. There is a since of freedom in the following HIM instead of controlling all that happens in our lives. 

     Remember what David said, "I will become even more in dignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes."

2 Samuel 6:22

How irresponsible was it to take several years to build a enormous boat many miles from any body of water?!

My Oil Is Overflowing.

        

            There are so many things in my life that 20 years ago I never would have thought I would do or be able to do. Some I am proud of, some I am still stunned. I had such a small vision of what I wanted to do with my life. I have fulfilled what I wanted to do, I suppose. I just hadn't thought of all that goes with it. When I dreamed of my life, this is where I went;
I wanted to be married to a man that adored me. Check
I wanted 2 kids. Check. Well, double check that one.
I wanted a boy and a girl. Check, check, check and ... check.
I wanted to live in a big house with a yard and a garden. Been there done that. Now I am moving on from that.
I wanted to stay home with my kids and raise them. Well, got that one covered and then some.
I wanted to be the mom that was home all day to bake cookies for when the kids came home from school, have a nice dinner, etc. Use that time during the day to get things done so I could be with my kids as they needed me when they got home. Well, curve ball number one. And it is a doozy!
Homeschooling changes that one enormously. I may have been too attached to the one where I stay home with my kids...

             After all of that life didn't seem to factor into my ideas of what it would all be like.
I never thought I'd have 4 kids. Or homeschool. That was for weird people. Freaks. I never thought I could have survived, much less, thrived through all we have been through in our marriage.
My husband and I look back over our 20 years that we have been together and we can easily see where God's hand has been. We can look at the "tapestry" and see the beautiful colors ALL weaved together. The dark sad times with the joyful happy times. Woven together are so pretty.
I always wonder about the stretching times. The times when you feel like God is just asking too much. I mean does HE really not get that I haven't had enough time to get my husbands underwear washed yet? And there is a funky smell in the bathroom that I haven't bleached out yet. There are dinners to cook, curriculum to decide, hiney's to wipe, and all of the other practicules  that keep a family of 6 just treading water. Not to mention, but we must to have, any joy, just that,... joyful things. Going to the beach, walks in the harbor, playing catch with the boys, watching the boys football games, teaching the littles to swim. These things take up time that is necessary as well.
            Then HE hits me a ball out in left field. Really. Not one I expected. I am now on the board of my homeschool group. I'm sorry, doesn't having 4 kids exempt me from being asked? Doesn't that job belong to someone with one, MAYBE 2 kids? Well, this year, God said, "NO!" It is my turn He says.
I pray often that God will send me a burning bush like Moses to make it pretty clear the direction I am supposed to go. I have ignored and justified my way out of not following God's prompts before. Well, it hurts in many ways when you are praying for God to use you and you choke when HE calls. HE makes you realize it would be much easier to just do the difficult task HE asks then... NOT. Either He will give you a swift kick in the back side or worse, HE will find someone else and pass by you the next time. "I guess that one can't be trusted to be given any responsibility."
           Well, as the offer was made to lead this group, I sat prepared to give my regrets and apologies that there was no way I should even be  expected to do the job she was asking.
         Then there it was. The burning bush. Right there. I think I even started to laugh a little and said under my breath. Well, there it is. The burning bush. Even my husband, whom I pray with often, said as I repeated all that the person who asked me had said to me, "Well, how's that burning bush looking to you?"
Which was funny because he also was prepared for me to say no. Remember, he is still waiting for his clean underwear.
            That is when my mind started to go into a state of shock. As e-mails and phone calls and meetings start taking place to frantically get some things done before the school year started for most of us, I started wondering how I could hide from it all. "WHAT HAVE I DONE!!" Really. There aren't any spare moments that are around, unless I stop sleeping (which is what I am doing to write this). Really, I do my daughters hair often while I am going potty myself. (TMI sorry).
             Then we go to church, and the last few weeks it has been brought up that with much a servant is trusted, much a servant is given.

Matthew 25:23

New International Version (NIV)

   ²³ “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’
              So the more I am willing to give as far as serving my time, my understanding is that means the more time I should be given. I really need to give lots of time then.
                 I so many times get a visual of my life. I have my hands cupped together and God is pouring oil into them. I am trying so hard to not let any of it out of my fingers to hit the floor. I can't do it. HE is pouring too much, too fast. Funny, because there are several places in the bible that to show wealth  or abundant blessings, it says my cup runs over .

Psalm 23:5

New International Version (NIV)

 ⁵ You prepare a table before me
   in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil; 

   my cup overflows. 
It talks about something running over. And oil was traded and was an important commodity in bible times. They used olive oil for so much. To have much olive oil, was a sign of wealth. My visual is incomplete. The rest is this: as I start to panic and feel like I just can't do it all. I can't be expected to DO EVERYTHING! How can I keep all of this together and not spill any of it? I know they are blessings but, how can I hold on to it all? That is when I realize, HIS hands are cupped under mine. I'm not supposed to do it all. HE will. IF HE  blessed me with something, HE will take care of it. I just have to make sure that I put HIS things first. And he will do the rest. 
                So as I count my blessings (love that song. I sing it often to myself and my kids), I realize HE is there to count them with me. God is going to bless me as long and as big as I am willing to keep following his burning bushes. If HE makes it burn, He'll make sure I can do it. 
                 NO the 17 year old me would never have been able to do all that I am and have done. But, 17 year old me, wasn't asking God for burning bushes and counting blessings. 17 year old me has learned a few things. Thankfully. 

Psalm 23:6

New International Version (NIV)

⁶ Surely your goodness and love will follow me
   all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
   forever.

Thank you Lord for the oil that overflows. 

Naked At The Opera

        

              Did I get your attention with that one? This was what I told my friend the other day. That she didn't want to show up unprepared for the opera. No she doesn't actually sing or even frequent the opera that I know of. It was a picture I was painting with words for her. It really made me think too. Here is where the conversation begins.
             Have you ever been in a holding pattern on a plane? I was a flight attendant in my younger days. I sat on planes in many holding patterns for many different reasons. Weather, plane traffic, power outages, you name it. I hated it. An unplanned delay in my day (or night). So frustrating because it was nothing that I had or had not done. Stuck sitting there. Now, there are good reasons to wait in the pattern. What if we had tried to land in some of that weather? We could have crashed. Not a good outcome.
               Many times in life God puts us in a holding pattern. Now talk about frustrating. We have our plans and something falls through. Or doesn't happen the way we thought they should. When it is really bad, is when we feel like we put ourselves in the situation that has us stuck in the pattern because of a prompting by God. Why if we are doing as we feel led, does He make us wait? My dear friend was in that situation. My husband and I had been in that situation. And I a sure that at some point in time you have or will have been in that situation. Now I'm not talking a few week pattern. I'm talking months, even a couple of years. Again, why? Why would He put us in this situation to have us, sit there? Waiting?
                I hate to tell you God NEVER does things by accident, or forgets about us. I will tell you, I was starting to really believe that He had forgotten us. Why would he put us in the situation we were in to make us wait? He does all the time. Let me tell you the verse that came to mind every time I prayed and questioned HIS motives for leaving me where I was and not letting us move forward.
            "Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10
                  I really have a hard time with this verse. First because being still is very hard for a mom of 4 kids. I mean when there is so much to be done, it is hard to be still. Even now, everyone is taking quiet time. Littles are asleep, Bigs are reading, even my husband is laying on the bed resting. Not me. Here I am writing. Obviously something I need to work on.
                   I firmly believe that when God puts us in a holding pattern it is either to wait on us to learn the lesson we are supposed to get from the situation we are in and/ or we are waiting for God to line everything up.
                   Here comes the opera. If you were the soprano in the opera each night, you know that you need to wait until many other things are done before you can go on stage to do your solo. First, tickets need to be sold. Cleaning people need to come and make sure everything is nice and clean. The lighting guys need to show up and check that each light works. You wouldn't want to be up there singing your heart out and be in the dark. Then there is the costume lady. What if she didn't come to do her job yet? Oh my, and you went out on stage before she had rechecked your stitches? You might have wardrobe malfunction. Not pretty when you are belting out the high note with your lungs straining. You would be standing in front of everyone naked. (Hence the title). Then of course there are the supporting people. What if when you showed up on stage the violins were out having a cigarette? All of them. And the tuba guy? Having a sandwich. Now what happens as you sing? Not as much as would happen with everyone in unison. An opera without all of the winds and strings, wouldn't be as pretty. As awesome.
               That is your holding pattern. God has us wait sometimes to get everyone where they need to be. You may be the soloist and you think this is your big debut. But, stop and think about the costume lady. This is her career. She wants to debut her best work as well. If you show up on stage with a faulty costume, it reflects badly on her. The tuba guy, this is the show his mother finally gets to come and see her son in the job of his life. The dream job he has worked so long and hard for.
               Life isn't all about you. Even though we are looking from our window, it is about all that goes into it. Have you thought of the peripheral people as well? There was a man tonight that was going to propose to his sweetheart at your concert and if you don't wait for the curtain to go up when the tickets say so, you have ruined his proposal. Your life affects other people. Even those you don't know. You need to wait on God and HIS plans for you. Because His are always better then we could ever dream of coming up with. Well, in the end.
              "I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
you. To prosper. That is never bad. To not harm. We all want that guarantee. And to give hope and a future? Wow. Meaning, I have a purpose and I am supposed to be here and doing this. HE knows the best for us. Just wait.
                  Besides, no offense but, no one wants to see your naked booty up on stage holding the high note for a count beyond measure.
                  Makes me squeamish thinking about it.

What Is Your Ministry?!

      



  

             I am a homeschool mom. I do not work for money outside of my home. I am home often. (Not always). And I am raising 4 children and teaching them what they need to know. I am also a wife. Our family is pretty traditional for the most part. He goes out and works all day and I am home teaching the kids and trying to manage the home in between. The house isn't always as managed as it should be. (When did I change the sheets last?) I also volunteer at our church for Kids Small Group once a week. Which is a bible study for each of the kids by age. This year I will be teaching one hour a week at our new co-op and volunteering 2 more hours there a week. Now I am on the board for our homeschool group. (That has been like a full time job the last 2 months.) No I'm not super mom or overly energetic. I really have a hard time getting through the day without a glass of sweet tea and a couple squares of chocolate around 4 p.m. I get cranky and frustrated. I get tired and worn out feeling. I'm a mom. Just like you.
             I want to share with you something I learned recently. I was feeling kind of... unimportant in the scheme of Gods' workers. I felt like my contributions to the world wasn't a whole lot.  I mean, there are days that I don't leave my house or carry on a conversation with someone that wouldn't think twice about wiping their nose on me mid-sentence. Because of schooling at home, I don't even have the mad dash of waving at other moms in the parking lot dropping or picking up some days. I spend my days singing the ABC's, checking spelling words, reading history, checking over math problems, coloring, cutting pasting, correcting term papers (my oldest has a couple of classes outside of our home), cooking, laundry, cleaning up, sweeping, planning, organizing, reorganizing, refereeing, screaming, laughing, crying, maintaining. You get the picture. Then you get a call from a friend saying they are going on a mission trip to dig wells in Africa, and another friend goes to Malaysia to share hygiene information, and then at church they are pitching for our kids to go on the mission trip to Mexico to build an orphanage. Oh yea, then there is my cousin that went to live in Nicaragua for 2 years to help at an orphanage and school. To teach about Jesus.
             Funny. I love my life. This one that God has blessed me with. Even all of the ups and downs. I am saddened by the people not blessed in the same way I am. So now I start feeling insignificant. Tiny. Unimportant.  Why aren't I going to Africa, or somewhere... I am not very worthy....  so I have spent many days on this thought and prayed fervently. Well, that is where the board position came in. Thanks God. I didn't say I didn't have anything to do. That I needed to fill my days. They are full. Why would you give me more things to do with so little time to do the things that I am responsible for now?
             That is when I heard it. Several times actually. It seems to be a theme. Several people have said the phrase to me, I have heard it in a song a couple of times, even the sermon had the phrase in it a few weeks ago.
"You have been put here for such a time as this." That is the phrase. Am I the only one that gets kinda weirded out by telling people what they hear God telling you? (Yes, I know weirded isn't a real word, word Nazi's). It's true. I have heard it over and over for the last 3 weeks. Well, if you know your bible, you know that phrase comes from Esther 4:14. The second part of the verse reads, "... And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"
               Wow. I have always loved the book of Esther because it's the book in the Bible that God himself isn't speaking or have a Prophet speaking for him. Esther and her family have to listen for God like we do. Maybe less. Esther is during the time when God was silent. Esther didn't see a burning bush. I don't know about you but, I always found it a bit unfair that Moses sees and hears a burning bush and I have to only rely on prayer and reading my Bible.  Well, I don't think God is silent now. We just aren't listening. I'm listening now.
                 I have come to realize in my many quiet times, that I am very significant. My contribution is really important. Before I was leading my homeschool group I was/am raising 4 disciples and christian soldiers to go out into the world to spread the gospel. To change the world. I have always known that I have been blessed with wonderful children. I have always known that they aren't mine
               Since my prayers for insignificance, God (as usual) is laughing at me. But, he is also cheering me on. As he cheers you on everyday. Ladies, being a wife and mother is an important ministry (at least it can be). Homeschooling your children is a huge ministry. So many just don't get why you do what you do. You do it because you have been called. Let's face it, many of us would love to drop our kids for several hours a day and be able to clean our house, work out, meet for lunch or coffee, grocery shop without sticky fingers grabbing everything on the shelf and distracting you from your list.
                 We have chosen the road less traveled. When neighbors and strangers look at us, they look with much more scrutinizing eyes. We could never exclaim to most of our neighbors or family for that matter, that we had a rotten day and didn't get any school work done today. Their answer would be, "Put them in school already." It's like complaining to someone that doesn't believe in breast feeding that your nipples are chapped. "Use a bottle."
                 I now realize that my job to minister isn't just to my family and neither is yours. My ministry is you. The other moms and especially other homeschool moms. Your ministry is me. Ladies, we are sisters in Christ. That makes us bonded to each other. We are the leaders preparing all of our children to go out and dig wells, teach orphans, help the poor, salvage a town after a disaster, all of the things we are commanded to do. You are not doing a tiny unimportant job. You are doing a huge job. You are raising up disciples. I know I have said it a few times. It is true.
                  Now have I scared you a little with the huge sense of responsibility that you have? Good. Now is the good part. You aren't alone. Not only do you have me; but best of all, you have God.
"Finally, be strong in the Lord, and in his mighty power." Ephesians 6:10
                 NOW, GIVE ME 50!!!  Hugs, words of encouragement, cups of shared coffee (or glasses of tea), trips to the park to encourage and build me up, of Mom's Night Out- to love and laugh with each other. Give me the love and support I need and I promise to be there for you as well. We can do this. You are important. And who knows, maybe one day you will lead a mission trip to the deepest part of the Amazon or to the top of a freezing mountain. What is your ministry now? What are you supposed to do to further God now? 

Tinker Bell's Gifts or Talents

            I have an odd habit that my husband pointed out once, that when I read anything or watch a show or movie, I am always looking for the God message in it. Weird, huh? Really, I see messages of Christianity and God in so many books and movies. I think some call it world view. Scooby Doo teaches you to really stop and scrutinize what others tell you. To never take anything for face value. That may be a mask and someone trying to do something in a way that isn't out in the open. There might just well be alterier motives. This is what I teach my children. There are messages both good in evil in everything around us. Some intentional and some, not so sure.
           Have you ever seen the movie Tinker Bell? I know it seems like a funny question to ask an adult but, really it is a good movie. It is all about how Tinker Bell came to be. If you know anything about fairy lore, you know fairies are born when a baby laughs for the first time. What you learn in the movie is how she became a tinker fairy and truthfully how she struggles with her gift or talent. Not to give away the movie but, after she is born, Tinker Bell must "choose" her talent. Funny thing about choosing is that she doesn't really choose. The talent "chooses" her. Or it is what she is born with and this is how she finds out. She doesn't really even want to go towards the hammer. It follows her and glows "brighter then anyone else's gift ever glowed!" Now comes the beginning of the dilema, she now catagorized as a tinker and she must go with the other tinkers. She is less then thrilled. The two tinkers are well,... dorky, geeky. She would rather go be a garden fairy or a water fairy. They are pretty and their talent is "useful".
             She spends so much of the movie rejecting her talent to go after something she thinks is much more glamorous. She tries many different talents and flops terribly at them all. Yet, you see she is overwhelmingly gifted in tinkering with things. Making things work. Even when she "runs away" to be alone she ends up tinkering with something trying to fix it. It is something she is just drawn to.
             I wonder, am I a tinker fairy? Do I possess a gift from God that I don't think is important enough or glamorous enough? Do I reject the talent that is right at my finger tips all day long? This is a good question for us all to ask. I asked my kids. I made them think about how do we discover our talents? A glowing hammer isn't going to appear out of thin air and circle us to tell us we should be a contractor. But, we do things everyday that tell us what our talent is and what gifts God has blessed us with.
            Don't be discouraged if your talent is organizing or cooking. Maybe you are an encourager. Are you really good at make-up? and hair? We have been taught in church the last couple of weeks that God doesn't bless us with gifts and talents to make our lives happy and comfortable. Not to bless ourselves. We are given those talents to bless others.
           Tinker Bell finds out, and so do the other fairies, that tinker fairies are one of the most important fairies. Everyone needs the tinkers. It may seem like a non-luxurious job but, it is so needed to make everyone else's life run smoothly. Tinker Bell finally understands that her gift is a blessing and she is proud that she is so good at it. She saves the day with her many tinkering abouts. The sad part for Tinker Bell was, she wasn't going to get to do the glorious job. She had to stay back and continue to tinker while everyone else went to far away places to do their jobs. It seemed she was missing out on the spotlight.
             God needs all of us. "Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with  Christ." 1 Corinthians 12:12 We are all needed. All of our "parts" or talents are important. If everyone was a garden fairy, nothing would grow. There would be no water, or light, no bees to pollinate and no tools to help you plant. 
             Be proud of the gift you possess and figure out how to use that gift to the best of your ability. Be a Tinker fairy and be proud. 

Listening When HE Talks.

          

To Listen Wholeheartedly. 

            Well, here I am again, in the middle of the night. Feeling unsettled. What is it? Why the unsettled feeling in my soul tonight? Actually, I have felt it all day. Our pastor has been talking on God talking to you and how we need to be ready and quiet and listening. It's imperative to have a dedicated prayer life and to read daily. However, he says he has talked to people that have said to him that God told them something. He says he is always amazed that they are still standing. He says that if God talked to him, he doesn't think you could even answer from the overwhelming power, awe, etc. of God himself. I suppose you could site the story of God having to put his hand over the crevice where Moses was so that He could pass by. And that the glory of God shown on Moses face when he spent time on the mount to receive the tablets. Exodus 34:29-30 ²⁹ When Moses came down from Mount Sinai with the two tablets of the covenant law in his hands, he was not aware that his face was radiant because he had spoken with the LORD. ³⁰ When Aaron and all the Israelites saw Moses, his face was radiant, and they were afraid to come near him.
In Exodus 3:6 Then he said, “I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob.” At this, Moses hid his face, because he was afraid to look at God.
              I can see how someone might say that to HEAR God would be almost (maybe) horrifying. I am struggling with this. The reason? I have heard God. I know, I have now had several of you roll your eyes and maybe even turn off this page. But, it is true. When my second son was so very sick and in the NICU for so long, I was up for many hours. I lived on very little sleep. I figured out once that I was living on 4 hours, accumulated sleep. I would catch time here and there when I could. One reason was because not all of the medical staff liked me being at my child's bedside at all hours of the day and night. I suppose, I was infringing on their turf. Not all of the nurses were that way though. Many said they would do the same. During this time, I was closer to God than I had ever been. I prayed a steady stream. I understand the passage in the Bible that says to pray without ceasing. I also read my bible a lot. I was seeking his guidance and comfort. 
            Well, one night I thought that I could slip off to bed for a few winks of sleep. My little darling was fed and sleeping. No meds scheduled for a few hours. I had a nurse that I thought was going to be on my side. Well, I had no sooner laid my head down and I heard, very clearly, "Get up! He needs you now!" I even was already on my feet. I didn't realize that there was no one in the room to say the words I heard until I hit the NICU door. Where I found the nurses all around my son's nurse as she was feeding him a bottle. (This was something that was against what I had researched. What he was wrong with my son would be helped much more with breast milk. And he had actually had a problem with the formula in the first week. ) When I walked through the door, she went pale and shook her head ( the other nurses spread out and I heard a lot of murmuring about me always being there, and I always seem to know. ) and asked, "How did you know?"
              I answered, "He told me." At the time it didn't seem strange. I just took it for granted the God had told me and it was normal. Even though I realized later that it really isn't a normal everyday occurrence. 
            Am I crazy? I didn't die. I didn't fall down in fear? Does that make me irreverent? Some would say that the sleep deprivation made me a little crazy. Maybe. But, I remember that moment in that 4 months so much more clearly then anything else. There other moments like that where I felt God's presence but, only that time when I heard him. 
           Well, as I struggle with the before mentioned sermon that was taught in church and think maybe I am crazy, I read this morning in my Bible: Acts 9:10

¹⁰ In Damascus there was a disciple named Ananias. The Lord called to him in a vision, “Ananias!”
   “Yes, Lord,” he answered.

                 Ananias didn't die either. He just answered. There are several examples just like this. 

What about Samuel? He was still a child when it happened to him. 

I Samuel 3:10- ¹⁰ The LORD came and stood there, calling as at the other times, “Samuel! Samuel!”
   Then Samuel said, “Speak, for your servant is listening.”


           Of all of the stories where God speaks or calls someone, Samuel's story is my favorite in that he is an innocent child and he doesn't even know it is God calling him. Also, it says that the Lord came and stood there. Samuel was still able to speak. 
             So with that said I think it safe to say, that God does speak on rare occasions. I am not saying that you sit and have a daily conversation in the way you and I could sit and talk. I think that when He wants to talk, He does. I just pray that if He ever talks to me again, I am listening. I am not from the camp of, "God CAN move mountains, He just chooses NOT to." I don't believe that for one minute. I believe He moves mountains everyday. We just are in a world that never stands still long enough to notice. He says, in Psalm 46:10-

¹⁰ He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
   I will be exalted among the nations,
   I will be exalted in the earth.”

           
               I know that my God talks and probably even sings. I know that he is here and everywhere. I know that He loves me and is concerned with the things that concern me. After reading that passage above about Samuel again, I know sometimes, he even stands near us. With that I hope that I can always say, "Speak, for your servant is listening."

Gratefulness. My List of 1,000 Things to Be Grateful For. (Ongoing)

        


                                                       Blessings come in all kinds of packages!!


             So, I have heard so many sermons on being thankful. I've read blogs on being truly grateful. Goodness, one of my favorite songs to sing to the kids is "Count Your Blessings". I really only sing the chorus to it when they are falling asleep ( one of the songs they like).
            It all makes me wonder, am I truly thankful for what I have. Do I consistently yearn for more? What am I modeling for my kids? Are they content and grateful? Well, we really had a test recently about being grateful for things, money, etc. And a few times we have been tested by how grateful we were for health as well as the little things. We know that God has blessed us with everything that we have. Every breath we breathe, every heartbeat, every second of everyday, God has blessed us with. I have seen photos of people in Rwanda and other 3rd world places that people walk for miles to get water. That isn't our life. If we have to drive 6 miles to a grocery, to choose what we feel like eating this week, we get frustrated. My husband and I have an ongoing debate as to which Trader Joe's to go to. The one that is 1.5 miles or the one with the nicer employees, and better parking that is 2.5 miles (can you tell which side I am on?). This is a luxury problem. Not even a problem. Why do I forget or overlook that it is a blessing to disagree on which Trader Joe's to go to. Some people don't have a grocery or the ability to choose what they eat even. I don't need to preach to you. I am just putting my own heart in the right place.
            With that said, I know many people; celebrities, teachers, preachers, friends, even family, have encouraged us all to write down what we are grateful for, or maybe what makes us happy. I have a friend that for the month of February, wrote everyday on what she loved. So, I have really thought about this and have decided that I, as well as my kids, (we'll see if hubby wants to do it) will be making a list. (I know I love lists). The list will be 1,000 things that we are grateful for, thankful for and count as a blessing. Big things, little things, anything.
            I will keep a running list here of mine and share some of the kids blessings they write down as they come along. I'm sure they will come up with some great ones.
I will add to it as time goes one. I am wondering how long it will take me to get to 1,000.


             My Blessing List!

1. Clean Water
2. Clean air to breath (used to live in Corona! Stinky and smoggy).
3. toothbrushes and toothpaste
4. my incredible husband
5. my wonderful children (I never dreamed of having 4!)
6. a warm house to live in
7. a car that is paid for
8. my ocean view
9. being saved
10. our church
11. dear friends 
12. a full pantry and refrigerator
13. a great natural Doctor
14. Dr. Bob
15. the beach
16. internet
17. chocolate (I would put sweet tea but, I am fasting from it right now. I'll save that one).
18. my car that is big enough to put everyone and still have room for groceries
19. Trader Joe's
20. Heat (it's cold today. Ha ha! 55.)
21. home-schooling
22. pounds dropping (albeit slowly) from the scale
23. My grandmother is still alive and my kids have been to her place. (wish we could go more)
24. That I can pick up the phone and talk to my mom 
25. Showers
26. swimming pools
27. books
28. The Bible
29. Prayer
30. Learning a lesson quickly rather then banging my head too many times first.

Well, here are the first 30. It may take me a good long while but, I really think that this is a fantastic exercise for each of us. I am hoping to do some everyday but, we'll see if that happens.

My Giving Jar Project

You are probably wondering why I have a calendar on my blog. Two in fact. well, I decided to make a giving jar. It is a way for my kids and the ones in our bible study class, to learn about blessings and giving. Really about serving others. Since we are called to serve others. To love others. This is another way to do that.
                    If you look at each day there is a task to do. All of the tasks involve giving a small amount of coins. Each one will give you the opportunity to talk about others that might night have all that we do. Our children aren't so much spoiled as they are unknowing. How can they be truly spoiled when they know nothing else? No other way than how we live. The other day another child on our street saw that we had a T.V. in our car. He was blown away. It struck me as so odd because all of the people we know have T.V.s in their car. In fact I know children that have never been in a car without one. Yet this child had never seen one. My kids were shocked at his reaction. How shocked would they be to meet a child that doesn't own shoes? This isn't a lesson in guilt but, in gratitude and serving. Is loving and caring for others.
                    We will go through each day and fill up the jar according to each task. Then at the end of the project on December 14th ( that is the last day of our bible study class until our break), we will donate our gift to the churches food pantry. Since it will be the Christmas season, there will be an even greater need there. Now these small children, 10 year olds will be able to say that they were able to help feed someone with just a few coins. I hope you enjoy my calendar and decide to use it with your kids. Enjoy.

Brain-Washing...

My steno pad can hold so many ideas, thoughts, recipes, and more.

           



           Every day I make a To Do list. I have a steno pad just for this purpose. It is the perfect size. It will fit in a book bag easily and can be dropped in the crack between the center console and the drivers seat in the car. I leave it open to the page I am on and I can use it all day. I can also write any notes I might need on the other side or flip a page. I will sometimes use it to write down a recipe I want to try or a phone number of someone I want to call. As long as I am using that pad of paper I have the info in there. When I am done with a pad, I will thumb through it and pull anything out of it anything I might  want. Sometimes I will pull out stuff I don't need and throw the used pad in a bottom drawer in my desk if it has info I may need later (conversation with an insurance man, or notes on the car repair).
             I will open the pad to a new page for the day and visually cut the page into 4 sections. From the top left, TO DO. Top right, TO CALL. Bottom left TO GO/APPT (appointments). Bottom right, TO BUY.
              To Do is pretty self explanatory. The To Buy isn't my whole grocery list or Target run, although I may write -See List under there if there is a big shopping list for today. Mostly it is for the odd items that you remember at odd times. Like," Prizes for kids at church."  Nail polish remover. something you may not go for today but, put on the big list later. Or it might be an item you get all by itself, like stamps. To Call I might  put in any e-mails I need to send or answer as well. To Go/Appt is just that. Where I need to go. Whether I have several stops and don't want to forget to pick up dry cleaning or it is an appointment I have that day, either out of the house or a service person to come. It can be a reminder of the time my son's writing class is, or what time the dentist appointment is.
              Well, like most of you, I don't always get everything done on the list everyday. In fact there is never enough hours in the day to do everything that needs to be done. Right? Well, my husband and I are really working on our relationship with God and what he wants for us to do with the time he has blessed us with. It is really hard to do everything else much less fit in what I need to do to grow in Christ. So tonight we went to bible study. It was about managing my time. I wanted to laugh. It talked about writing a time journal just like you would do a food journal if you were on a diet. I am thinking, are you kidding? Didn't you hear me I don't have time. I have a husband, 4 kids, I home school and I don't have a house keeper. Did I mention I have 4 kids and one of them is 2!? When will I have time to write down all of the stuff I do all day!!?? How detailed do you think I should do it? Little girl has a runny nose because she is cutting her 2 year molars. Do you have any idea how much time I spend in a day wiping noses? Really. It is a  lot of time. Well, I am still working on that in my mind but, I did really glean a big nugget of information that I will use starting tomorrow morning.
               I have read that there are 5 purposes for our life. They are to worship, to fellowship, to discipleship, to serve others and to share Jesus. It occurred to me that I remember a teacher in school doing the pickle jar visual years ago. It goes something like this. You put bigger rocks in the jar until it is full. These are the things that God wants you to do. Read His word, pray.  Then you say yes it is full. Then you put in the small pebbles, being careful to shake them into the crevices. These are your "have to's". Now the jar is for sure full. Then you pick up the sand and shake it into every empty crack in the jar. These are the things that come up that aren't planned for. A cold, flat tire, helping a friend pick up her kids, making dinner for a sick friend. Now the jar couldn't be any fuller. Now you put in the water. Slowly and steady until the jar is now full. This is all of the time you have left to do the things you want to do. Recreation. You would be surprised how much you can fit into your "full day" when you put things in their proper order. If you will put God first the rest will fit right in.
             Tomorrows To Do list will have 5 new things on it.

1. Worship - I can turn on a CD while the kids and I do chores in the morning. That will put us in the proper frame of mind. 
2.  Fellowship- that one is easy for me. On 2 days a week we are at the church working with other believers. On the others I talk on the phone to my dear friend who encourages and challenges me to stretch and be radical. Not to mention all of the other friends and family I talk to and visit with daily. 
3. Discipleship
4. Serve others- this one is going to take some thought. What can I do for someone today that will serve them? Make a meal to take to someone? Bake cookies to share with a lonely neighbor? Send a thoughtful note to a busy and overwhelmed friend.
5. Share Jesus- My hardest. Who can I share the gospel with today? I heard that the longer you are a Christian the less amount of unchurched friends you have. Also, the less likely you are to tell someone else the Good News. (That one scared me. That is complacency.) I guess I should just look around and start speaking up. I can share the gospel anywhere I go.  A neighbor, the check out guy at Trader Joe's  ( here we come Mr. Ken). 

My To Do list is my brain. This is a way for me to "wash " it. Who says brain washing is always bad? I'd rather have clean thoughts than dirty ones!