NOT ME!! I DIDN'T DO IT!!

"I am everywhere and I am nowhere."

                  

                


                  Someone eats all of the M&M's I bought to go in a recipe. Someone spills something on the carpet. Someone leaves the yogurt carton out. Someone rips moms notebook pages. Someone opens a soda and sips it a little at a time from the garage refridgerator.  Someone turns the answering machine off. Someone leaves the front door open. Someone leaves the lights on in the bathroom, or the water running. The list could keep going. When you have 4 kids, there is no end to this list. With one child they can only get away with so much. They can't very well blame dad for leaving Legos all over the floor. But with 4 kids, it could be anyone. 
                   The other day my hubby says to Girlie, " Don't kick the back of my seat." We were in the car.
                   Her response? "Hers did it!" Pointing at her Princess doll.
 Leave it to Girlie to find a new twist on that one. (yes she said Hers with an S. Don't know why she does that. A 3 year old quirk.)

                   Boy number  2 was asked to throw away a box of doughnuts that we had for 2 days and Dad and I had decided the kids had enough sugar.  There was a chocolate doughnut left in the box.
                  "Boyo 2, don't eat the doughnuts in the box. Just take them out to the big trash. They are old and we don't want you to eat them. Do you understand?"
                 "Yes."
                  2 minutes later Boyo number 2 came in the door with chocolate all over his face.
                "Why did you eat that doughnut?
                 "I didn't eat anything."
                Yes, it was a fib. And yes there were consequesnces. But, really we set him up to a certain degree. We didn't think about it but, really... How could he not eat it? At least that is what many would say. I think we are supposed to own up to what we do and exercise self control when ever possible.
             Sometimes these moments are comical like the cartoon above. But, the character traits that need to be worked on are glaring. The self control monster is a difficult one to tame for all of us. A piece of cake here. Over indulgence there. And owning up to something that we did is hard as well. Not just for a kid afraid of punishment but, for the adult afraid of the world knowing our shame. Do I really want everyone to know that I go into the pantry each day and eat a couple squares of chocolate? O.K. how about that maybe it isn't chocolate. Maybe someone wants to sneak a cigarette? Or something else. (I don't ). What about my vegetarian friend? What if she has a terrible craving for a double double with lots of onions from In-N-Out? Oh what if those couples in your bible study group knew that when you stepped on a Lego in the night you yelled out a stream of cuss words?
              O.K. you get the picture. What I am saying is that if I am going to be working on my own children's character flaws, it stinks but, I got to work on mine as well.
            So, here's to deciding which flaws to start with because, if you are anything like me-you've got a few. If you are unsure of your flaws, just ask your spouse or children. They'll know.
      By the way is that your 4th cup of Starbucks this week? And by the way it's monday.... hee hee.

The Hair Clip Distaster

             Little girl was on the toilet and starts screaming. I go running in to see what has happened.
She has dropped her hair clip down into the toilet where she has gone,... poop.
"Get it Mommy!! Get it out! Don't flush it!"
"No."
"Mommy, get it!! I want it. I love it! It's my favorite!"
" I am not putting my hand in there with your poop for a hair clip."
Disgusted look and angry darts blazed from her eyes.
"Get Daddy. He'll do it for me. D-A-D-D-Y!!!"

Dad replies, "I'll buy you a new one."
Girlie, "O.K. Daddy."

Really. I get glares and he gets an O.K. Daddy? I guess I was the one that flushed.

Stalker!!

Me: "Please carry the basket of clean clothes upstairs."
14 year old son: "Who will carry it when you get old?"
Me:"You."
Son:"What if I move away? To .....Alabama?"
Me: "I will move with you. Follow you"
Son: "That's called a Stalker."
Me: "That's called a Mom."

Things I Never Thought I would Hear or Say.

A day to remember.....

          


There are so many things on a daily basis that one of my kids will say and I will think, "did he/she really say that?"

            Couple from today:
I went to buy a new bra and I took my girlie (3) with me. I went to Nordstrom's because it has been so long since I went to buy a nice one that I was a bit overwhelmed by the choices.
I was in the dressing room trying on a bra as the sales lady left to get a couple more choices for me.
Girlie says (in her loudest voice), "Mommy, is this the BIG BOOBY STORE!"
giggles... from the other dressing rooms.....


            The next one was this morning. (Yes, I live an exciting life with these kids).
My youngest son and my girlie are in the tub while I am putting on my make-up. I had washed my hair last night and slept on it. So I wanted to wet it so I could style it. I thought, "Oh there is a tub with nice hot water. "
So, I leaned over the tub and used a cup to start wetting my hair. About half-way through, girlie says with a giggle, "Mommy, I peed in here."
FREEZE.
O.K.  So, there is a couple of the things I never thought I would hear. I will add as time goes on and the things I never thought I would have to say as well.

Rainbows And Cupcakes

Girlie is carrying around a teacup, telling us it is full of rainbows.
Little boyo grabs her cup and makes a big slurp noise.
"He stole my rainbow!" comes the umbelievimg girlie.
I am unflustered. Without skipping a beat, I say,"Spit it out." holding the cup to his lips.
He pretends to spit it out.
Girlie screams, "Now it's all wet!"
Of course.
Why didn't I think of that?
Little boyo doesn't want to be out done. Says back very authoritative, "I can only burp cupcakes. "

And that was my day.

Bats and MUMMA'S

           We don't celebrate Halloween in our house. We gave it up a long time ago. In fact, I don't know if my oldest even remembers doing it at all. My youngest have never done it.
            We were in the car and the boys were talking about it when Little Girlie pipes up, "We don't do any of that."
             "Any of what?" The boys ask her.
            "You know. Bats or Mumma's."
            " Mumma's?" I ask. "What is a Mumma?"
            "The one wrapped  in toilet paper."
           Oh. Of course.  A Mumma. Didn't you know that?

Frozen Yogurt

            I'm not a huge fan of frozen yogurt. I mean, really what is the benefit that is so great that out weighs ice cream? I LIKE ice cream. I really like ice cream. Why yogurt? It's like being on a diet and trying to pretend that you aren't. Like eating carob instead of milk chocolate. Really? Then we go and there isn't even chocolate mint. To me that is the only flavor even worth eating yogurt. So I get "Just Chocolate". That is really the name of it. Like, (in a dejected exhaling moan) "I guess I'll get Just Chocolate...." Yea! nothing says yum like Just Chocolate.
           So here I am eating frozen yogurt and it is getting cold outside. Yes, there were no seats inside. And I started telling my 2nd that he shouldn't steal his sisters mini chocolate chips. "Besides," I say,"they look like little mouse poops."
            Husband says, " Hey Heth, there is one right there."
             One what, I'm thinking.
           "You better look down. It's right there. "
            "Yea, right. " I know I can be gullible and I just said mouse but, really? I'm not fall!!!!.... AAAAAHHHHH!!! THERE IS A MOUSE UNDER MY CHAIR! SERIOUSLY! UNDER MY CHAIR!!! 
            Both legs pull up. OH NO! I don't do mice! Rodents are disgusting. OOOOO! It is nasty. Well, I realize I am pulling a famously wonderful mom moment. Again, because both of the "Littles" are shaking, have big eyes and are squealing in unison. I wait until the creepy little thing is not where I can see it anymore. Pick up my Frozen Yogurt (That stuff wasn't good or my idea. And a super gross waste of time) and toss the rest in the trash. I declare I'm cold and leaving. The Littles follow suit. Little Girlie licking a bit more of the Pink yogurt she is eating (with the mouse poop chips on it) and tosses the rest without question (this was Girlie. The one that questions everything). And jumps in the car saying,"And carry azezes (in english that is diseases)."
            O.K. I have scarred my children for life. Although the Bigs have faired quite well over the years with my mouse/rodent phobia. You know the usually giggles and peels of laughter as I walk by the little hairy monsters and shiver at the pet store. That kind of thing.
           The worst part? My brother was reminding me on the phone how Jaws had scared me when I was a kid so I wouldn't go in the ocean for half the summer. Him, he thought the movie was cheesy. He just knew King Kong was way worse anyway. My boys, having heard this conversation start saying, "I think we should call the mouse Jaws. Did you see jaws under the table mom? Ha ha ha ha!"
          The other one is a bit quicker in saying, "Not Jaws. NIBBLES!! Nibbles the Ferocious! Ha ha ha ha!"
           Great, now I'll be haunted by my children and Nibbles the killer baby mouse (Oh did I leave out the part where I was supposed to say it was a baby mouse. SO CREEPY!!). And no it isn't cute!!

I was going to put a picture of a
baby mouse but, I couldn't bring myself
to do it!! 

When Husbands Aren't Funny.... O.K. It Was Funny.

            I love my husband, he is a funny man. He lightens most situations and can make me laugh often. Really, it is one of the biggest reasons I married him. However, as you know when you are with someone funny, there are times you don't see the humor... until later.  Today is one of those days.
           After church today we were going to take care of two things I really enjoy. Going to Target (THE Happiest place on earth) and buy the substance that makes my "liquid gold", Loose Leaf Lipton Tea. I informed my dear husband that we had to drive an extra 10 minutes to the great big Target. He wasn't too excited but, it is the only place that I can find my beloved Lipton loose leaf tea. No one else here seems to carry it.

            When we got there we split up kids. He takes the boys and I take Girlie. I have the list, he browses. The store is remodeling and when I get to the grocery section to find the tea.... There was no loose leaf tea box. Not even a space on the shelf for it to go. I am very anxious. I am seriously irritated and frustrated. I made my dear husband drive further to go to this Target because of the tea. I set off to find the rest of the items on my list. This is where funny husband starts to make me grouchy. Yes, I see the humor now but, at the time it was like a gnat buzzing in your ear.
              He starts to text me on my phone. (This Target is so big that we have been known to loose each other in here before. So we always bring our phones). Here are the texts as they came in. I was looking to fill my list mind you and I had girlie who was getting very grabby of things on the shelves.

Him text: Where r u

Him: Where r u

Him: Where r u
(I wasn't ignoring him. My phone was on quiet still from church).

Him: Help Me! Target is draining the life blood from my soul. The lights are making me have hallucinations.
(this is a lie in case you are worried).

Him: Call the national guard! Send reinforcements- I went to my mega church and now am lost in Satan's lair---mega Target... It is full of sin and lies of the world.

Me: What kind of razor blades do u want?

Him: I need to engage my GPS on my phone to find a way out of this place!

Him: Oh my Lord! I can c the sun! I am going towards the light of day! Run Kids! Follow me to the light!

Me: What kind of blades do you want?

Him: Help! Read prior text!

Me: Come around to Health and Beauty. Please!

Him: Set off yellow smoke bomb to mark location!

Him: Set off yellow smoke bomb to mark location!

Him: Set off yellow smoke bomb to mark location!!

Him: My heart is racing as we approach the check out. I can already smell plastic of my debit card melting as we pass it thru the  "Finemaster's" machine!
( I asked what is the Finemaster? he said it is the cashier. He makes us pay a Fine for all of the sin we bought. ???)

Him: Help us oh God as we try to find comfort in the material things of this world. We know that happiness cannot be found at Target!
(I beg to differ  on that one. I buy loose leaf tea there. At least I have in the past!)

Him: (this gets adolescent now sorry) I think the check out guy is looking @ your boobs! I'm gonna smack him right in the nose. Punky Target Guy!

Then we sent my oldest back to get a new can of tomato sauce because the one I had was dented. And I also threw a package of paper towels at to my husband (to make him stop texting) to put in his cart.

Him: Tomato paste!?  Incoming- Duck! Paper towels! Help me Yaway!
Then I sent him out to the car with the cart because Girlie started yelling she had to pee. (really it was BIG potty which is delightful in public restrooms.

Him: Thank God we made it back outside alive!

Him: Love U!

O.K. yes, I see the humor now but, all I could think at the time is where am I going to go and find my tea. And, why doesn't he stop playing with his phone and come get his blades??

            So, living with a funny husband and a jovial guy is great most of the time. But, no I don't always see the humor until later when I can look at it from afar.
Kind of funny when I got to the car with Girlie, I asked him what the deal was with his texting today. He said he didn't know. Maybe I could blog it later. (He was being funny.)

          Sad thing that happened later. Son number 2 asked if he could have a sip of my tea while I was doing dishes. I said, "No. Please leave it alone. I want to drink it when I'm done with everything." I turned around the last of my tea in my glass ( I think I can make 2 more pitchers with what I have left), was gone. My husband drank it. He said he didn't think I would drink it. I was a little peeved. All evening.. O.K. until I sat down and read all of the texts. I give in, it was a funny yet sad ending to my not finding my tea.

This is my favorite cup to drink my tea in.