Your Last Day.

   
      I'm sure you've heard someone say, "Live each day as if it were your last."
Have you ever thought of what that would mean? Everyone's last day would look different I'm sure. Some would spend that day at Disneyland, some would have a huge family get together, others would probably go sit outside and be with nature. I remember seeing a T.V. show where this couple, thinking the husband had a very short time to live, ran up an enormous debt vacationing and enjoying every second they had together.
     I'm not sure how living that way is going to be productive unless you tend to be a workaholic and never spend time on yourself. I even did a bible study using that thought as the premiss. I mean truthfully, if you have children and a spouse, you'd hope you would have things you wanted to tell them or share with them. That was the idea around the study. However, my mind went to other  places. Like, where I would like to go and things I want to eat!! Yea, I know, real deep. I suppose the truth has come out, I'm selfish. But, I wonder, aren't most of us? Maybe I'm going out on a limb here, hoping I'm not the only one that would think that way. I would tell my children how much I love them and all the important things I thought they would need to hear from me. Not so helpful would be that, I would spend much of the time being distraught over all I'd miss of their childhood and how they were going to get along without a mother. Then that would send me to the thought of- would my husband re-marry? NO! NEVER! He loves me too much. Then I would start thinking he should re-marry for his happiness and the kids. So, as you can see, that thought doesn't do me much good. Much mind wondering and distress over something that, hopefully, isn't going to happen any time soon.
     Then something very sad happened. One of the Pastors at our church had a daughter that was quite young come down with brain cancer. 
Jessie Rees was an amazing little girl that actually took the idea of, "what if this was my last day on earth" and left a huge imprint on so many. And since her journey to be with God, she is still making an impact. Wow. That is how we are all supposed to think when that question is posed to us. Unfortunately, I'm not sure I would. 
     It did make me think from another stand point though that did make an impact on me. The thought of that little girls parents and siblings living with the thought that any day she would likely be gone.  This thought horrified me. Oh my goodness, what if it were the last day of my husbands life, or my childs', or moms, etc. You get the idea. It is one of the many things that encouraged me to move back to TN to be with and help my Grandmother for those few short months. It has also been creeping into my head lately when I reprimand my children or get irritated with someone I know. Actually, I've been thinking this morning, it really should impact how I treat everyone. Even strangers. 
     If you knew this was the last time you were going to see someone you love, wouldn't you love them more and fuss less? Wouldn't you linger a little longer then be in such a rush to get on with the busyness of life? I mean people are why we are here, right? Relationships? God wants a relationship with all of us. So, we are to love too. "Love one another"

John 13:34-35

³⁴ “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. ³⁵ By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

Would you be a little more urgent with spreading the Gospel to those you thought didn't have much time?  Would you go out of your way to send notes of encouragement and love? Just pick up the phone and talk for a bit?
     Well, I'm going to think on this a little more. I want to stop and think more before I speak. Before I tell my husband I'm tired and don't want to go for a walk with him right now. Or that I'm too busy to go for the little drive to the gas station with him to keep him company. Before, I fuss at my kids for laughing to loud or being silly, I need to stop and enjoy that moment and let them enjoy it too. 
As for the stranger on the street that cuts me off or yells at me (maybe tells me "I'm #1"), I need to give a minute and some grace. I don't know what that person is going through. I don't know if he/she is experiencing a major loss in their life or they themselves will be gone tomorrow. 
     Many won't like this post. They'll probably tell me it's kinda morbid. It is. But, to all of those people who don't believe in our Christ, I bet we sound pretty morbid. I mean think about it. We worship this man that was beaten to a bloody mess and left to die. His family and friends spent much time thinking about what life was going to be like without him. To them (Jesus' family and friends) life was going to be awful and gut wrenching. But, He was prepared because He knew what was going to be waiting for him when it was all over. Heaven. But, for us people left behind, what of us? Did his mom feel like she told him she loved him enough? Did his brothers belittle his ministry? Remember when his family came to get him and told him to come home? Said he was out of his mind?

 Mark 3:21 says,"When his family heard about this, they went to take charge of him, for they said, "He is out of his mind."

     Boy, I bet they felt like heels. Especially, after the whole rising from the dead thing. None of us are raising Jesus. But, we are raising his disciples and our spouses are blessings that God has given us to make it through this life as a helper and encourager. That means you are supposed to be an encourager too. Are you? Am I? Well, I can say that I am going to try harder at being more loving and more encouraging. I am going to try to live my life treating my family and friends as if they were not going to be here tomorrow. Like I may never have the chance to love on them or tell them how important  they are to me. I'm going to use this time to lift them up and Help them to have a joyful outlook. 

     God loves all of His children and we are supposed to as well. 

Here are some verses to help us remember what it is God says about this. 

Ephesians 4:2-3 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

Philippians 2:2  complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.

1 John 3:18 Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.

I need to work on Philippians 2:2- "being of full accord and one mind."
And also Ephesians 4- to have "humility and gentleness, with patience...." Wow that is a doozy.

     So, with that; I will be looking at you all differently. Pardon me if I hold on a little longer when we hug Hello or Good bye. Excuse me for looking at you with an expression as if I am trying to memorize your face. And be understanding if I call you just to talk. 
     And in case you live too far away for me to hug you, know that I love you and am thinking of you often.

God's Love And My Anger.

     I have tried to write this post several times. There are so many reasons why it has been difficult, only a few of which could I even post in a public forum. So, I am going to attempt this one last time. If it doesn't work, I am going to put the subject to rest. Then it means that it is too private to share.

     As I have posted before, my family moved to TN to move in and help out my grandmother. She lives on a big farm with a large house, by herself. She was showing some real signs of Dementia and needed someone there with her full time. So, after much prayer (that was actually several years of prayer) and several things lined up to show us that we needed to go, we went. We packed up what we could fit in a trailer and the rest we gave away. We truly felt God calling us for so many reasons. Not only to help my Grandmother but, to live a different life, to try some dreams we had held (my husband and I ) since we had been married, to let the children see and experience a different way of living, to have my children get to know my grandmother before it was too late, as well as many other family members and to appreciate and understand that we love and care for all family.
     The total time we were there was about 7 months. In that time so many things occurred. My children grew and flourished like I could never have imagined physically. They matured and learned so many things we could never have taught them here in Orange County, CA. Between raising goats, and attempting a garden, learning to do real yard work (seriously hard labor), how to drive an old beat up farm truck with the gears on the tree (the same one my brothers and boy cousins all learned to drive on), wildlife and how to deal with them without calling animal control. Death of an animal. Loving and training animals. They met new family they had never known was there. They learned to navigate an elderly woman with a nasty temper but, who is also quite childlike many times, that thought ice cream makes all things better. They learned that all churches and peoples ideas of God and how to worship and serve Him was different. They learned that healthy food really is better. And you really can get sick of fast food to the point of craving healthy veggies and fish. They learned to climb trees and swing from the branches. They learned that mud squished between toes is an amazing feeling. They learned that if they were really patient the donkey and even the goats would give them a little ride. They learned that running everywhere was exhilarating and that playing outside without an adult having to keep constant vigilant watch over them was amazing freedom. They learned to entertain themselves without T.V. or video games. They learned to catch crawdads and even what one was. They learned there are an amazing amount of bugs in TN and that there are hardly any bugs in CA worth worrying about. One of my children learned he is severally allergic to many of those bugs. We all learned that a small hole in the ground was to be avoided at all cost (poor Greg and the swarm of hornets!) We learned how to kill a snake and then why some were actually good, even if they creep Dad out. They learned how to fire a gun and how scary and powerful guns really are. They learned that people (kids) from small towns can be as snobby as kids from Orange County. That teenagers are cliche-ish everywhere. One of my children got his first job and learned how rewarding that can be.
     Sadly, all of us learned that Dementia is a cruel disease. That it hurts the person it is in but, that it really hurts so many of the ones that person loves, as well. We learned treating all people with humility and respect are so important. Even when the other person or people aren't nice or respectful to us. That Jesus was kind and He loved those people, even those that hated Him and a glimpse of just how hard that must have been. We learned that you must love someone and tell them that everyday. Whenever you leave from each other you tell them you love them and hug them. You never know when it will be the last time you see them or the last time they know who you are. We learned that just because someone was related to you by blood doesn't mean they love you, or care what you think, or even think about you. (This was an even harder lesson for me then anyone.) We learned that some people that aren't even related to you may love you much more then some you share blood with. We learned that one persons actions in one short period of time can affect not just that person, but a whole group of family and people for several generations-whether for good or bad. (Also, a terrible and hard lesson for me, but also a shockingly positive one too).  We learned that what a person can spend a life time building can by broken down much quicker then it took to build and the opposite too. You don't have to repeat the same life your family did. You don't have to behave the way that others tell you you should. We don't have to live the words that others have put on us. Lost things can be found and have great meaning. That lost people can too.
     So we learned all of that and so much more. Then we came home......



     God had called us to TN to teach us so many things that He wanted and needed us to learn. Then He allowed us to come home. And know that this was home. (This was also a terribly hard lesson).  We know that God has a plan that is so much bigger then we are. We know that sometimes we could never grasp that whole plan and that is why He gives us snippets instead of showing us the whole story.
     I left TN so very angry with God. I know this is a shocking statement to many. It is a shocking statement to me as well. I have lived my life trying to just accept whatever happens, because I know HE knows best. My family has had MANY trials over the life of this marriage, and as hard as they all were to accept I always just would give in knowing He loved me and wanted the best. Don't get me wrong, there have been many times I have cried out in the night screaming WHY!? but, I always was able to give in. This time, ..... I was furious. I was livid and sick. Literally, I had become sick with sadness, disappointment, confusion, and just plan heartache. Hopes, dreams, ideas, and beliefs-all thrown away. I still totally believed in God and knew He was in control but, I was angry at why and how and what He was doing.
     I am slowly getting over some of it. I still am working through other parts, but, the anger is slowly subsiding and now I believe I am going to go through the phases of mourning. Mourning so much. So many things. But, He is in control and wants the best for my family and me. I am trying to give in to this and take time to heal. Take time to regroup and love my family. Let them feel how much I appreciate each one of them.
     A few things I have learned is that my husband is an amazing man with a huge capacity for love, patience and strength. I also learned that he loves me and our children so much more then I could have ever imagined. I also learned that my children are seriously adaptable and they are able to love some very unlovable people. Also, the strength they all have was so neat to see but, my favorite was  how they would all stand up for and care for each other.
     As much as this post leaves others that haven't spent the time with us in our journey with more questions it did serve to give me a place to let some of this out. I am sure as healing comes, so will posts.
     So if you are getting tired of my posts on FaceBook about the beauty and my gratitude for living here in CA, know that I truly am just that-Grateful. And more then that, I am truly blessed by a God that does love me, even when I am so angry at Him.
     As I close this I will end with the verse that seems to have overshadowed our return to CA.


"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the POWER of the Holy Spirit."
Romans 15:13
(emphasis is mine).

What color are your eyes??

       I have brown eyes. Growing up I always felt like I didn't have as pretty of eyes as girls with blue eyes. My best friend had blue eyes. My mom told me she had hoped that when she married a man with blue eyes, her children would have blue eyes. Once in school while talking about discrimination, the teacher had told us about an experiment that another class had done where the brown eyed kids were treated different then the blue. Less important. I'm sure I remember that the class switched the preferred eye color to blue the next day. But, all I remember is that brown eyes must not be as special. I wasn't upset about it. Just hoped that I had a blue eyed child. It must be prettier. Right?
      I did have a blue eyed child. In fact, I had 4 of them. I am the only one in my family with brown eyes (well, the dog did. But, we had to give him away when we moved. So just me). Well, one of those beautiful blue eyed children was a girl. A precious, 4 year old, blue eyed, blond, curly haired darling. She is as beautiful inside as she is out. (O.K. I'm a bit biased). The other day she said to me, "Mommy, I love your chocolate eyes."
     WHAT?! 
     Chocolate?
     I had never heard them called that before?
     Chocolate is wonderful.
     I like chocolate. A LOT!
     A child's perspective is completely amazing and different then ours. I had never thought of my eyes as chocolate color. I love it. Aren't you jealous of my chocolate eyes? You only have blue. So sad for you!! HaHaHa. 
     So there you have it. 
     She sadly told me she wished she had my black straight hair too. Oh no little one. You are a dead ringer for Shirley Temple. You are one spectacular little girl. Love who God made you.
     

A Wedding Gift (this one was written awhile ago and forgotten. So, I'll post it now just because. )

            So, a very sweet cousin of mine just got married. She is one of those people that you just want to be around. Smiling, vivacious, and beautiful. People can't help but notice her when she walks in the room. She is quite tall and striking. But, I'm writing because she is a newlywed. She is a new wife. Someday hopefully, a mama. She will be running a household. Her job will be extensive as those of us that have already taken on this job know.
            I am late with my gift because I have really wanted to get a gift that would be used and remembered. One that she would actually use. She will be living in Nicaragua for the first bit of her marriage. She is a missionary and now she is bringing her sweet new husband with her. So you can see my dilimna in that she won't be bringing all of the normal wedding gifts with her. Blenders, toasters, china, it will all be packed away in her parents attic until they return from their mission trip is over. I wanted to give her something she could use now.
            So, what have I decided on, you ask. Advice. I know, go ahead and groan. I'm no expert. I didn't go to college to be a marriage counselor. But, I am blessed with a marriage that I am so happy to be in everyday still. There aren't days that I wake up wishing I were somewhere else. Now that doesn't mean everything is always just the way I wish. No while my darling daughter threw up on my foot and all over the floor this morning, laying on a beach in Hawaii with a sweet iced tea, with an umbrella in my hand sounded divine. But, that is normal. It also doesn't mean that nothing bad has ever happened in our married time together. No in fact there are days I think we are getting more then our share of stressful, difficult times. Money troubles, horribly ill children, bedrest for months, family crisis, and so much more. But, it is those times over the almost 20 years that have brought us closer and love each other more.
              I will tell you that my husband and I have been together for 22 years this next Christmas. We have been married for 19 this July. I love him more then I did on that July afternoon 19 years ago and he is very truly my best friend.
              First, I ordered some books that I think are great for starting a marriage. A blank book to keep a "household book" as they used to call it in the old days. Or to journal ideas and advice. Recipes. Gathering of ideas on how to do something special for someone. The front says, "We remember moments  not days."I think that is so appropriate. It is true.
             Other books I ordered for her are: 1001 Ways to be romantic . I bought this book when we were getting married. I have used it many times over the years, not only for us and building our relationship but, for getting especially extra special gifts for anyone that you want to make an impression on. All of the ideas are different and out of the ordinary. He teaches you that romantic just means that you thought about that person and you know them, and think that what they say is important enough to remember. Who doesn't want a gift like that. Also, no matter how much time goes by, or how many kids you have, or what house or city you live in, it is essential that you always remember that you married him for a reason. That he married you for his own reasons. Remember that the marriage is the first thing to nurture. Not the kids and not everyone else in the families emotions.
             I got her two books on celebrating traditions. Celebrating the Christian year , and Celebrations that touch the heart are both books to help you come up with some fun traditions to start in your family. Both from a Christian point of view. I believe traditions can be super grounding. A way to pull the family in together. If you hear or kids that lived through very difficult lives growing up, it always seems to be the "traditions" that their family did that they clung to. That may sound weird but if a child that doesn't grow up with overwhelming love and joy and Christ in their life and those moments made them feel good and able to make it through another day, then what more can it do for our families?
             A Christmas memory book with their name on it. I bought one for Greg and I our first Christmas and we have been writing in it every year. We put in a picture and the card we sent. It is great to look back and see how God has blessed us from year to year.
             The Encyclopedia of Modern Cooking, I use mine to find interesting and new (old) recipes to share with my family. Why is this important? Because food/flavors is associated with memories. And Food is a good way to start traditions. My family growing up always made certain foods to go with particular holidays. I have continued some and added some of our own. Also, family comes back to the dinner table. It is good for us to eat together, break bread together. The dinner table is the place that as they grow up and move out we can still get them to come to and eat. And if they have a good memory attached to a particular food even better. Eating times should be associated with enjoyable moments.
             The Red Plate: we use this each night at dinner. We rotate who gets it. When you get it each person at the table has to tell you why you are special today. This not only teaches us to give and receive compliments (it's funny how we have had visitors come to dinner and they don't want the red plate because they don't know how to take a compliment. ) But, you also stop and think what happened that day, with that person. This helps us not take each other for granted. Did he wash your car today? Did she scrub the floor? Or Did they work so hard today for someone else and you noticed how hard they worked. It feels good to have someone say that they noticed.
             The package is sealed up now so I think that was all of it. I hope they like the gift. It is much work to locate each piece but, a well thought our marriage is going to be nurtured and thought of . Our marriages need to be thought of and purposely cared for. You can't get married and think that is the end of it. It keeps going. And the more people involved the harder it can become to nurture your own marriage. Whether it is a mother in law or a sister or children that come later. All will try to pull your attention away from your marriage. And many times we have the attitude that it will always be there. That now that the ceremony is over you can file it and put it on the back burner. Your marriage should always be on the front burner. Next to your relationship with God.
             O.K. the box is ready to send and my soap box is over. Thanks for taking the time to read this today. I hope it blessed you in some way.

The Hair Clip Distaster

             Little girl was on the toilet and starts screaming. I go running in to see what has happened.
She has dropped her hair clip down into the toilet where she has gone,... poop.
"Get it Mommy!! Get it out! Don't flush it!"
"No."
"Mommy, get it!! I want it. I love it! It's my favorite!"
" I am not putting my hand in there with your poop for a hair clip."
Disgusted look and angry darts blazed from her eyes.
"Get Daddy. He'll do it for me. D-A-D-D-Y!!!"

Dad replies, "I'll buy you a new one."
Girlie, "O.K. Daddy."

Really. I get glares and he gets an O.K. Daddy? I guess I was the one that flushed.

An Adventure Of A Lifetime!

Is this the most exciting thing you can think of to do?

            




           Today I celebrated being married to the man of my dreams for 18 years. (I wrote this last summer. It got buried. Thought I'd go ahead and push it through). He and I have been together for 20 years. Half of my life. Over the last half of my life I have gained much; money, debt, new cars, old cars, big houses, little condos, gray hair, a "comfortable" body, jewelry, collectibles, Tupperware, books, love, Lots, and lots of love, children, family, friends, jobs, skills, relationships, scars, sadness, joy, pure simple joy, laughter, so much laughter I have wet my pants, tears, wounds, pain, elation, and so much more than I could ever write or share with anyone. The term we have used for years to describe our life together has been an adventure. Adventure defined in the dictionary:

ad·ven·ture

noun /adˈvenCHər/  /əd-/  An unusual and exciting, typically hazardous, experience or activity Daring and exciting activity calling for enterprise and enthusiasm

verb /adˈvenCHər/  /əd-/  Engage in hazardous and exciting activity, esp. the exploration of unknown territory Put (something, esp. money or one's life) at risk

Let's see according to the list I made above, I think our life together qualifies as an 
adventure. I never thought of a marriage as anything really very exciting before but, I think that is because I believed the bologna that I was taught by society.  Funny, most movies are full of the lies that tell young men and women and actually old ones too, that marriage is a sell out. It is the boring life. Men, you will never have fun again. Sex will be monotonous, and with the same woman for the rest of your LIFE!! Never will you be able to be you, and hang out with your friends. Ladies, we will be bored, and taken advantage of. We will turn into hags. NO, OUR MOTHERS!! The horror!! All I have to say is, marriage isn't for sissies. It is a serious endeavor that takes huge sacrifice, and humility. But, if played out right, you will have the ride of your life. 
           Humility. That word can strike fear in the meekest of us. Humility is the opposite of pride. Pride. Men, we know where you stand on Pride. I just need to put down a few names and we get the idea, right? John Wayne. Daniel Boone. Clint Eastwood. You get the picture. Strong, tough, shoot now ask questions later. Women, all I need to do is show what the other definition of pride is. All of  the female lions in a male lions harem. Well, we all know who hunts and takes care of everything. The female lion. The male is there to share in the kill and have his fun. Pride. I am woman hear me ROAR. This is the picture that the ERA would love to have you paint. 
             Look at the definition of adventure again. The number one listed is:
1."An unusual and exciting, typically hazardous, experience or activity"
A happy marriage in this day, seems to be unusual. At least that is what we are told. Exciting? Well, there have been days that I have left teeth marks in my seat. Most people ride roller coasters. I gave those up when I got married. Typically hazardous? Well, I wasn't kidding when I say I have scars. The silliest scar, is from falling into the fake Christmas tree trying to hang the last ornament and fell into the tree. All I wanted was to have the perfect tree for our family to enjoy. Broke the ornament and the tree. The ornament shattered (it was the kind of ornament my husband likes.) and dug into my arm. I still have the scar and that was at least 6 years ago. Most difficult scars? Having children. We all know there are ugly scars on many of us moms bodies. Some very visible, others in places only are dear husbands see. That fulfills the first definition listed. 
               Second part of the definition:
2."Daring and exciting activity calling for enterprise and enthusiasm"
Having had lots of money and then not...that calls for someone to become very enterprising. Especially when there are 6 mouths to feed. And for him, no jobs. Anywhere. We have been called on to be enterprising. Resourceful is another way to say that. 
Enthusiasm. It must be called on to continue the momentum that is needed to keep a marriage rolling. Even when the terrain to be rolled on is uphill. Like a cheerleader we both had to become. For our relationship as husband and wife, as friends, and as parents. 
                 When it says; "the exploration of unknown territory," you have to know that in order to have a different kind of marriage then we had ever seen, in order to be all that we knew we could be fore each other, there was totally unknown territory. Being put through trials that we have been put through; one of us seriously ill, fatally sick child, bed rest for 5 months, with the belief that it was probably not going to turn out good anyway (it did though), loosing everything, and all of the roadblocks in the middle of those "highlights", we had never seen or done anything like it. This was new territory.
                 And the last part, "Put (something, esp. money or one's life) at risk." I'm laughing in the face of those that say that marriage is boring. Mine has NEVER been boring. I just shared a few of the exciting parts. Putting money at risk? Been there, done that. One's life at risk? Yep, there too. When I was on bed rest, I was told that they would be watching closely to the stats because I could bleed out at any minute and both I and the baby would die. Pretty monotonous stuff, huh? 
                 Through all of the ups and downs, corkscrews, and loopty loos, you have two choices: hold on with everything you got and pray or give up. Run, screaming for the hills. Yelling, it's just too hard.
                 Hard? Maybe. Monotonous? I don't think so. So I ask, will you go on an adventure that is full of smaller excursions on the way or will you be a sissy and give up at the smallest skirmish? Come on put on your big girl panties and throw your arms up in the air and scream with delight through all that life throws at you. What you get through as a couple will make your relationship stronger and your character more complete. 
             
           

Stalker!!

Me: "Please carry the basket of clean clothes upstairs."
14 year old son: "Who will carry it when you get old?"
Me:"You."
Son:"What if I move away? To .....Alabama?"
Me: "I will move with you. Follow you"
Son: "That's called a Stalker."
Me: "That's called a Mom."

Things I Never Thought I would Hear or Say.

A day to remember.....

          


There are so many things on a daily basis that one of my kids will say and I will think, "did he/she really say that?"

            Couple from today:
I went to buy a new bra and I took my girlie (3) with me. I went to Nordstrom's because it has been so long since I went to buy a nice one that I was a bit overwhelmed by the choices.
I was in the dressing room trying on a bra as the sales lady left to get a couple more choices for me.
Girlie says (in her loudest voice), "Mommy, is this the BIG BOOBY STORE!"
giggles... from the other dressing rooms.....


            The next one was this morning. (Yes, I live an exciting life with these kids).
My youngest son and my girlie are in the tub while I am putting on my make-up. I had washed my hair last night and slept on it. So I wanted to wet it so I could style it. I thought, "Oh there is a tub with nice hot water. "
So, I leaned over the tub and used a cup to start wetting my hair. About half-way through, girlie says with a giggle, "Mommy, I peed in here."
FREEZE.
O.K.  So, there is a couple of the things I never thought I would hear. I will add as time goes on and the things I never thought I would have to say as well.

Rainbows And Cupcakes

Girlie is carrying around a teacup, telling us it is full of rainbows.
Little boyo grabs her cup and makes a big slurp noise.
"He stole my rainbow!" comes the umbelievimg girlie.
I am unflustered. Without skipping a beat, I say,"Spit it out." holding the cup to his lips.
He pretends to spit it out.
Girlie screams, "Now it's all wet!"
Of course.
Why didn't I think of that?
Little boyo doesn't want to be out done. Says back very authoritative, "I can only burp cupcakes. "

And that was my day.

My Oil Is Overflowing.

        

            There are so many things in my life that 20 years ago I never would have thought I would do or be able to do. Some I am proud of, some I am still stunned. I had such a small vision of what I wanted to do with my life. I have fulfilled what I wanted to do, I suppose. I just hadn't thought of all that goes with it. When I dreamed of my life, this is where I went;
I wanted to be married to a man that adored me. Check
I wanted 2 kids. Check. Well, double check that one.
I wanted a boy and a girl. Check, check, check and ... check.
I wanted to live in a big house with a yard and a garden. Been there done that. Now I am moving on from that.
I wanted to stay home with my kids and raise them. Well, got that one covered and then some.
I wanted to be the mom that was home all day to bake cookies for when the kids came home from school, have a nice dinner, etc. Use that time during the day to get things done so I could be with my kids as they needed me when they got home. Well, curve ball number one. And it is a doozy!
Homeschooling changes that one enormously. I may have been too attached to the one where I stay home with my kids...

             After all of that life didn't seem to factor into my ideas of what it would all be like.
I never thought I'd have 4 kids. Or homeschool. That was for weird people. Freaks. I never thought I could have survived, much less, thrived through all we have been through in our marriage.
My husband and I look back over our 20 years that we have been together and we can easily see where God's hand has been. We can look at the "tapestry" and see the beautiful colors ALL weaved together. The dark sad times with the joyful happy times. Woven together are so pretty.
I always wonder about the stretching times. The times when you feel like God is just asking too much. I mean does HE really not get that I haven't had enough time to get my husbands underwear washed yet? And there is a funky smell in the bathroom that I haven't bleached out yet. There are dinners to cook, curriculum to decide, hiney's to wipe, and all of the other practicules  that keep a family of 6 just treading water. Not to mention, but we must to have, any joy, just that,... joyful things. Going to the beach, walks in the harbor, playing catch with the boys, watching the boys football games, teaching the littles to swim. These things take up time that is necessary as well.
            Then HE hits me a ball out in left field. Really. Not one I expected. I am now on the board of my homeschool group. I'm sorry, doesn't having 4 kids exempt me from being asked? Doesn't that job belong to someone with one, MAYBE 2 kids? Well, this year, God said, "NO!" It is my turn He says.
I pray often that God will send me a burning bush like Moses to make it pretty clear the direction I am supposed to go. I have ignored and justified my way out of not following God's prompts before. Well, it hurts in many ways when you are praying for God to use you and you choke when HE calls. HE makes you realize it would be much easier to just do the difficult task HE asks then... NOT. Either He will give you a swift kick in the back side or worse, HE will find someone else and pass by you the next time. "I guess that one can't be trusted to be given any responsibility."
           Well, as the offer was made to lead this group, I sat prepared to give my regrets and apologies that there was no way I should even be  expected to do the job she was asking.
         Then there it was. The burning bush. Right there. I think I even started to laugh a little and said under my breath. Well, there it is. The burning bush. Even my husband, whom I pray with often, said as I repeated all that the person who asked me had said to me, "Well, how's that burning bush looking to you?"
Which was funny because he also was prepared for me to say no. Remember, he is still waiting for his clean underwear.
            That is when my mind started to go into a state of shock. As e-mails and phone calls and meetings start taking place to frantically get some things done before the school year started for most of us, I started wondering how I could hide from it all. "WHAT HAVE I DONE!!" Really. There aren't any spare moments that are around, unless I stop sleeping (which is what I am doing to write this). Really, I do my daughters hair often while I am going potty myself. (TMI sorry).
             Then we go to church, and the last few weeks it has been brought up that with much a servant is trusted, much a servant is given.

Matthew 25:23

New International Version (NIV)

   ²³ “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’
              So the more I am willing to give as far as serving my time, my understanding is that means the more time I should be given. I really need to give lots of time then.
                 I so many times get a visual of my life. I have my hands cupped together and God is pouring oil into them. I am trying so hard to not let any of it out of my fingers to hit the floor. I can't do it. HE is pouring too much, too fast. Funny, because there are several places in the bible that to show wealth  or abundant blessings, it says my cup runs over .

Psalm 23:5

New International Version (NIV)

 ⁵ You prepare a table before me
   in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil; 

   my cup overflows. 
It talks about something running over. And oil was traded and was an important commodity in bible times. They used olive oil for so much. To have much olive oil, was a sign of wealth. My visual is incomplete. The rest is this: as I start to panic and feel like I just can't do it all. I can't be expected to DO EVERYTHING! How can I keep all of this together and not spill any of it? I know they are blessings but, how can I hold on to it all? That is when I realize, HIS hands are cupped under mine. I'm not supposed to do it all. HE will. IF HE  blessed me with something, HE will take care of it. I just have to make sure that I put HIS things first. And he will do the rest. 
                So as I count my blessings (love that song. I sing it often to myself and my kids), I realize HE is there to count them with me. God is going to bless me as long and as big as I am willing to keep following his burning bushes. If HE makes it burn, He'll make sure I can do it. 
                 NO the 17 year old me would never have been able to do all that I am and have done. But, 17 year old me, wasn't asking God for burning bushes and counting blessings. 17 year old me has learned a few things. Thankfully. 

Psalm 23:6

New International Version (NIV)

⁶ Surely your goodness and love will follow me
   all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
   forever.

Thank you Lord for the oil that overflows. 

Bats and MUMMA'S

           We don't celebrate Halloween in our house. We gave it up a long time ago. In fact, I don't know if my oldest even remembers doing it at all. My youngest have never done it.
            We were in the car and the boys were talking about it when Little Girlie pipes up, "We don't do any of that."
             "Any of what?" The boys ask her.
            "You know. Bats or Mumma's."
            " Mumma's?" I ask. "What is a Mumma?"
            "The one wrapped  in toilet paper."
           Oh. Of course.  A Mumma. Didn't you know that?

Frozen Yogurt

            I'm not a huge fan of frozen yogurt. I mean, really what is the benefit that is so great that out weighs ice cream? I LIKE ice cream. I really like ice cream. Why yogurt? It's like being on a diet and trying to pretend that you aren't. Like eating carob instead of milk chocolate. Really? Then we go and there isn't even chocolate mint. To me that is the only flavor even worth eating yogurt. So I get "Just Chocolate". That is really the name of it. Like, (in a dejected exhaling moan) "I guess I'll get Just Chocolate...." Yea! nothing says yum like Just Chocolate.
           So here I am eating frozen yogurt and it is getting cold outside. Yes, there were no seats inside. And I started telling my 2nd that he shouldn't steal his sisters mini chocolate chips. "Besides," I say,"they look like little mouse poops."
            Husband says, " Hey Heth, there is one right there."
             One what, I'm thinking.
           "You better look down. It's right there. "
            "Yea, right. " I know I can be gullible and I just said mouse but, really? I'm not fall!!!!.... AAAAAHHHHH!!! THERE IS A MOUSE UNDER MY CHAIR! SERIOUSLY! UNDER MY CHAIR!!! 
            Both legs pull up. OH NO! I don't do mice! Rodents are disgusting. OOOOO! It is nasty. Well, I realize I am pulling a famously wonderful mom moment. Again, because both of the "Littles" are shaking, have big eyes and are squealing in unison. I wait until the creepy little thing is not where I can see it anymore. Pick up my Frozen Yogurt (That stuff wasn't good or my idea. And a super gross waste of time) and toss the rest in the trash. I declare I'm cold and leaving. The Littles follow suit. Little Girlie licking a bit more of the Pink yogurt she is eating (with the mouse poop chips on it) and tosses the rest without question (this was Girlie. The one that questions everything). And jumps in the car saying,"And carry azezes (in english that is diseases)."
            O.K. I have scarred my children for life. Although the Bigs have faired quite well over the years with my mouse/rodent phobia. You know the usually giggles and peels of laughter as I walk by the little hairy monsters and shiver at the pet store. That kind of thing.
           The worst part? My brother was reminding me on the phone how Jaws had scared me when I was a kid so I wouldn't go in the ocean for half the summer. Him, he thought the movie was cheesy. He just knew King Kong was way worse anyway. My boys, having heard this conversation start saying, "I think we should call the mouse Jaws. Did you see jaws under the table mom? Ha ha ha ha!"
          The other one is a bit quicker in saying, "Not Jaws. NIBBLES!! Nibbles the Ferocious! Ha ha ha ha!"
           Great, now I'll be haunted by my children and Nibbles the killer baby mouse (Oh did I leave out the part where I was supposed to say it was a baby mouse. SO CREEPY!!). And no it isn't cute!!

I was going to put a picture of a
baby mouse but, I couldn't bring myself
to do it!! 

Shopping With The Girlie!

The bigger it spins, the better the dress. 

           

             I took my girlie for our first girls shopping trip. Nothing fancy, just Kohl's. I really hadn't shopped there much before. Just a couple of run in, run out shopping is all. And always with the whole crew.
So, this was different.
            She is 2. Well, almost 3. So she is a fashionesta. I never really got why moms would buy things or allow their daughters to dress so fancy to go out and about. Then I had Girlie.... Yep, she has a big opinion about what she wears and what she wants. She wears a pink tu-tu all the time. Just because. I was a mom of 3 boys first. I was used to going to the store with Superman, or a pirate, but a pink tu-tu? And jewelry?
             Several months ago, Girlie decided she wanted earrings. She would ask everyday. Well, I didn't have any clip on ones and piercing a 2 year olds ears isn't something I was willing to do. When she is old enough to take care of them and not get hit in the head with a soccer ball and get it embeded into the side of her neck, then we will be good to go. Well, I asked a friend where to get those stick on earrings. You know (or maybe you don't if you only have boys.)  She has 4 girls (God bless her!). Claire's was where she said to go. Full of girls pretty little do-dads.
              A place of unknown treasures to a mom of 3 boys. This  is a place I had never ventured. You know, like the pink aisle at the toy store. You just don't go there if you have boys. Well, I am learning a whole new side to parenting a girl. So much fun. The toys she likes, I would have liked. I don't have to hear her drown on about the latest Transformers, or Beyblade toy. I can only hear how Optimus Prime and blah, blah blah, fought blah, blah, to blah, blah.... They start to sound like the parents in the Peanuts cartoons. Sorry, I do listen to my kids. But, how many times do I have to listen to Death Star scenarios???
               Oh and movies. Don't get me wrong I loved Toy Story, and Cars  was great but, wouldn't it be nice to throw in a princess or two? I missed Belle and Cinderella. What about a little Tinker Bell? I am a girl for goodness sake. I did learn to love Indiana Jones but, Star Wars ( I am so sorry those of you that think it is a sacred movie) , I hate it. I can sit through some if it but, it really seems like all the same story all over again and again. (I know I am not Jedi worthy).
                All of this said, I come back to my original thought. Shopping. I used to love to shop. What girl doesn't? What wasn't to love when I had my cute high school firm body. Before kids. Well, now there are several reasons not to like it. I don't have that body anymore. I have 4 kids to take with me (Hence the body change), the kids need stuff more then I do, and it is expensive. Oh yea, and the boys don't want to shop unless it is the toy store, Gamestop, or maybe the book store. I just decided that I just didn't like to shop anymore. I would just pick up an item here or there. Needless to say my wardrobe is not anything to rave about.
                Then comes girlie. We went into that store with the intent to buy a couple pairs of shorts for me and maybe a couple of t-shirts. It was like a whole new experience. She loved it. We looked at tops together. I would try on a skirt and she would say, "Oh mommy, that is pretty. Spin."
Spin? Spin? I remember doing that as a little girl. The best dresses and skirts would spin so big. Remember that? How does she know that? Is it something a little girl is born with? To know that the best skirts spin big?  I would pick out a top and she would find me a better one.
                Then came the conversations in the dressing room. Now this got a little embarressing when I realized that everyone else in there was laughing because they could hear her. I know that is why they are laughing because one of them said, "I am loving listening to her. My daughter was the same way. She is well on her way to being your fashion coordinator."
                We were in the dressing room and I had picked out a sensible white top. Girlie declared quite loudly that it was ugly! And that I needed the purple one she picked. It was very pretty. She even told me one looked old. Not sure what that meant but, I didn't buy it.
              Then I needed undies. Well, I'm looking for beige, and ivory, maybe brown or something mellow. Every time I looked in the cart, she had thrown in these fuschia lacy panties with a diamond on the front. I gave up the 4th time and left them in. I did draw the line at the bright Pink and purple zebra striped ones. I could not have made it through the check out with a straight face with those in there.
             We even got to look at jewelry together. You know the fun bangles and dangles. I never look at those anymore. The boys are always antsy by the time I pick something out quickly and maybe try something on. I would never push them by making them sit through the bangles. Besides it isn't fun to look alone. She picked out some doozies there too. A huge bejeweled owl necklace. You know the kind that your 3rd grade teacher would have worn every day until the bug eyes would make you have bad dreams. I talked her into some fun colorful bracelets. And I bought a purse. Pink not brown because girlie said it was prettier, and she was right.
             Shopping may be fun again. I may have to try that a couple more times. Mommy and girlie time. What a totally new concept to me.
             The Lord knew what I needed at this point in my life. I have 3 wonderful boys. 3 sons. I love my boys and have done so many boy things for so many years (14 to be exact). I taught them all to enjoy baking and tea parties. All of them have had a doll at one time or another. We even owned a kitchen for a short time with the first son. The doll was never a baby and the kitchen never baked a cake; only bug pies and Hot Wheels pizza. That is fine. They had fun and so did I. I did long for an Easy Bake Oven. Or a baby dolls with all of the accessories to go with her. But, I was resigned to the fact that I would be buying and playing with Hot Wheels for the rest of my life.
              Well, not now. Girlie and I will play with the Hot Wheels but, we will also play with dolls and pretend "baby" is sleeping or is cranky and needs a nap. I will get to go shopping again and pick out pretty clothes, not just functional clothes. I will again enjoy the little more frilly side of life. Thank you God for my girlie.
                 What icing on the cake that you made her so adorable. Blond ringlet curls and big blue eyes. Not at all like me. But even more beautiful then I could have dreamed.
                 Now if I can just convince her that I am as nice as Daddy, we will be all set.