Baby Boy Driving.

     He was perfect. I had dreamed of him my whole life. And he was just the way I had dreamed. Soft skin, beautiful blue eyes, cute little nose, sweet little lips.
My first child. My son. My precious little darling. I loved him so much that it actually, physically hurt me. I didn't know that I could live that much. My heart swelled. It was huge with love for him.
     He grew. He loved me back. He would grab my hand. He'd cuddle up next to me to watch his favorite show. When we were apart, he'd squeal, and ran to me, so excited to see me
And the best part? Sometimes when I was really blessed, he'd look at me, and say, "Mommy, I love you."
     What more would any mom want? Yes I was smitten by my firstborn son.
Well, he's growing up. He has hit many milestones. One by one. I celebrated each one. His Birthday came yesterday. He turned 15. I thought that was a big deal. Then today happened.
Today my oldest son was learning to drive. He and my husband got in the 1972 Jeep Commando that my husband restored. The thing is super hard to drive. It's a stick shift. No power anything. Not brakes, steering. And certainly not windows. My husband says if he can drive that he can drive anything.
     So, there we go. My baby boy driving. He was so intense. Very focused. I was so proud. And misty all at once. He drove by our house about 5 times.
     Well, it's happening. He's growing up. I'm so happy he's growing up.   Also very proud. But, I'll tell you the truth. It is happening. Going quickly are the days when I am his favorite person in his life. That is good. But still pulls at a moms heart strings. Especially when it is the first born. First there will be driving, then college classes, his job and a woman. Not any woman. THE woman. The woman that will take my place. Is it weird that I see my son driving and I go to the woman that will hold my sons heart??
     I'm so excited for those days to come. I am nostalgic for the cuddle time on the couch and the little boy squealing that I'm home. So here I am. Quite aware that I am watching the end of my little boys mother worship. Have you been here? How am I supposed to feel?

A Wedding Gift (this one was written awhile ago and forgotten. So, I'll post it now just because. )

            So, a very sweet cousin of mine just got married. She is one of those people that you just want to be around. Smiling, vivacious, and beautiful. People can't help but notice her when she walks in the room. She is quite tall and striking. But, I'm writing because she is a newlywed. She is a new wife. Someday hopefully, a mama. She will be running a household. Her job will be extensive as those of us that have already taken on this job know.
            I am late with my gift because I have really wanted to get a gift that would be used and remembered. One that she would actually use. She will be living in Nicaragua for the first bit of her marriage. She is a missionary and now she is bringing her sweet new husband with her. So you can see my dilimna in that she won't be bringing all of the normal wedding gifts with her. Blenders, toasters, china, it will all be packed away in her parents attic until they return from their mission trip is over. I wanted to give her something she could use now.
            So, what have I decided on, you ask. Advice. I know, go ahead and groan. I'm no expert. I didn't go to college to be a marriage counselor. But, I am blessed with a marriage that I am so happy to be in everyday still. There aren't days that I wake up wishing I were somewhere else. Now that doesn't mean everything is always just the way I wish. No while my darling daughter threw up on my foot and all over the floor this morning, laying on a beach in Hawaii with a sweet iced tea, with an umbrella in my hand sounded divine. But, that is normal. It also doesn't mean that nothing bad has ever happened in our married time together. No in fact there are days I think we are getting more then our share of stressful, difficult times. Money troubles, horribly ill children, bedrest for months, family crisis, and so much more. But, it is those times over the almost 20 years that have brought us closer and love each other more.
              I will tell you that my husband and I have been together for 22 years this next Christmas. We have been married for 19 this July. I love him more then I did on that July afternoon 19 years ago and he is very truly my best friend.
              First, I ordered some books that I think are great for starting a marriage. A blank book to keep a "household book" as they used to call it in the old days. Or to journal ideas and advice. Recipes. Gathering of ideas on how to do something special for someone. The front says, "We remember moments  not days."I think that is so appropriate. It is true.
             Other books I ordered for her are: 1001 Ways to be romantic . I bought this book when we were getting married. I have used it many times over the years, not only for us and building our relationship but, for getting especially extra special gifts for anyone that you want to make an impression on. All of the ideas are different and out of the ordinary. He teaches you that romantic just means that you thought about that person and you know them, and think that what they say is important enough to remember. Who doesn't want a gift like that. Also, no matter how much time goes by, or how many kids you have, or what house or city you live in, it is essential that you always remember that you married him for a reason. That he married you for his own reasons. Remember that the marriage is the first thing to nurture. Not the kids and not everyone else in the families emotions.
             I got her two books on celebrating traditions. Celebrating the Christian year , and Celebrations that touch the heart are both books to help you come up with some fun traditions to start in your family. Both from a Christian point of view. I believe traditions can be super grounding. A way to pull the family in together. If you hear or kids that lived through very difficult lives growing up, it always seems to be the "traditions" that their family did that they clung to. That may sound weird but if a child that doesn't grow up with overwhelming love and joy and Christ in their life and those moments made them feel good and able to make it through another day, then what more can it do for our families?
             A Christmas memory book with their name on it. I bought one for Greg and I our first Christmas and we have been writing in it every year. We put in a picture and the card we sent. It is great to look back and see how God has blessed us from year to year.
             The Encyclopedia of Modern Cooking, I use mine to find interesting and new (old) recipes to share with my family. Why is this important? Because food/flavors is associated with memories. And Food is a good way to start traditions. My family growing up always made certain foods to go with particular holidays. I have continued some and added some of our own. Also, family comes back to the dinner table. It is good for us to eat together, break bread together. The dinner table is the place that as they grow up and move out we can still get them to come to and eat. And if they have a good memory attached to a particular food even better. Eating times should be associated with enjoyable moments.
             The Red Plate: we use this each night at dinner. We rotate who gets it. When you get it each person at the table has to tell you why you are special today. This not only teaches us to give and receive compliments (it's funny how we have had visitors come to dinner and they don't want the red plate because they don't know how to take a compliment. ) But, you also stop and think what happened that day, with that person. This helps us not take each other for granted. Did he wash your car today? Did she scrub the floor? Or Did they work so hard today for someone else and you noticed how hard they worked. It feels good to have someone say that they noticed.
             The package is sealed up now so I think that was all of it. I hope they like the gift. It is much work to locate each piece but, a well thought our marriage is going to be nurtured and thought of . Our marriages need to be thought of and purposely cared for. You can't get married and think that is the end of it. It keeps going. And the more people involved the harder it can become to nurture your own marriage. Whether it is a mother in law or a sister or children that come later. All will try to pull your attention away from your marriage. And many times we have the attitude that it will always be there. That now that the ceremony is over you can file it and put it on the back burner. Your marriage should always be on the front burner. Next to your relationship with God.
             O.K. the box is ready to send and my soap box is over. Thanks for taking the time to read this today. I hope it blessed you in some way.

An Adventure Of A Lifetime!

Is this the most exciting thing you can think of to do?

            




           Today I celebrated being married to the man of my dreams for 18 years. (I wrote this last summer. It got buried. Thought I'd go ahead and push it through). He and I have been together for 20 years. Half of my life. Over the last half of my life I have gained much; money, debt, new cars, old cars, big houses, little condos, gray hair, a "comfortable" body, jewelry, collectibles, Tupperware, books, love, Lots, and lots of love, children, family, friends, jobs, skills, relationships, scars, sadness, joy, pure simple joy, laughter, so much laughter I have wet my pants, tears, wounds, pain, elation, and so much more than I could ever write or share with anyone. The term we have used for years to describe our life together has been an adventure. Adventure defined in the dictionary:

ad·ven·ture

noun /adˈvenCHər/  /əd-/  An unusual and exciting, typically hazardous, experience or activity Daring and exciting activity calling for enterprise and enthusiasm

verb /adˈvenCHər/  /əd-/  Engage in hazardous and exciting activity, esp. the exploration of unknown territory Put (something, esp. money or one's life) at risk

Let's see according to the list I made above, I think our life together qualifies as an 
adventure. I never thought of a marriage as anything really very exciting before but, I think that is because I believed the bologna that I was taught by society.  Funny, most movies are full of the lies that tell young men and women and actually old ones too, that marriage is a sell out. It is the boring life. Men, you will never have fun again. Sex will be monotonous, and with the same woman for the rest of your LIFE!! Never will you be able to be you, and hang out with your friends. Ladies, we will be bored, and taken advantage of. We will turn into hags. NO, OUR MOTHERS!! The horror!! All I have to say is, marriage isn't for sissies. It is a serious endeavor that takes huge sacrifice, and humility. But, if played out right, you will have the ride of your life. 
           Humility. That word can strike fear in the meekest of us. Humility is the opposite of pride. Pride. Men, we know where you stand on Pride. I just need to put down a few names and we get the idea, right? John Wayne. Daniel Boone. Clint Eastwood. You get the picture. Strong, tough, shoot now ask questions later. Women, all I need to do is show what the other definition of pride is. All of  the female lions in a male lions harem. Well, we all know who hunts and takes care of everything. The female lion. The male is there to share in the kill and have his fun. Pride. I am woman hear me ROAR. This is the picture that the ERA would love to have you paint. 
             Look at the definition of adventure again. The number one listed is:
1."An unusual and exciting, typically hazardous, experience or activity"
A happy marriage in this day, seems to be unusual. At least that is what we are told. Exciting? Well, there have been days that I have left teeth marks in my seat. Most people ride roller coasters. I gave those up when I got married. Typically hazardous? Well, I wasn't kidding when I say I have scars. The silliest scar, is from falling into the fake Christmas tree trying to hang the last ornament and fell into the tree. All I wanted was to have the perfect tree for our family to enjoy. Broke the ornament and the tree. The ornament shattered (it was the kind of ornament my husband likes.) and dug into my arm. I still have the scar and that was at least 6 years ago. Most difficult scars? Having children. We all know there are ugly scars on many of us moms bodies. Some very visible, others in places only are dear husbands see. That fulfills the first definition listed. 
               Second part of the definition:
2."Daring and exciting activity calling for enterprise and enthusiasm"
Having had lots of money and then not...that calls for someone to become very enterprising. Especially when there are 6 mouths to feed. And for him, no jobs. Anywhere. We have been called on to be enterprising. Resourceful is another way to say that. 
Enthusiasm. It must be called on to continue the momentum that is needed to keep a marriage rolling. Even when the terrain to be rolled on is uphill. Like a cheerleader we both had to become. For our relationship as husband and wife, as friends, and as parents. 
                 When it says; "the exploration of unknown territory," you have to know that in order to have a different kind of marriage then we had ever seen, in order to be all that we knew we could be fore each other, there was totally unknown territory. Being put through trials that we have been put through; one of us seriously ill, fatally sick child, bed rest for 5 months, with the belief that it was probably not going to turn out good anyway (it did though), loosing everything, and all of the roadblocks in the middle of those "highlights", we had never seen or done anything like it. This was new territory.
                 And the last part, "Put (something, esp. money or one's life) at risk." I'm laughing in the face of those that say that marriage is boring. Mine has NEVER been boring. I just shared a few of the exciting parts. Putting money at risk? Been there, done that. One's life at risk? Yep, there too. When I was on bed rest, I was told that they would be watching closely to the stats because I could bleed out at any minute and both I and the baby would die. Pretty monotonous stuff, huh? 
                 Through all of the ups and downs, corkscrews, and loopty loos, you have two choices: hold on with everything you got and pray or give up. Run, screaming for the hills. Yelling, it's just too hard.
                 Hard? Maybe. Monotonous? I don't think so. So I ask, will you go on an adventure that is full of smaller excursions on the way or will you be a sissy and give up at the smallest skirmish? Come on put on your big girl panties and throw your arms up in the air and scream with delight through all that life throws at you. What you get through as a couple will make your relationship stronger and your character more complete. 
             
           

My Oil Is Overflowing.

        

            There are so many things in my life that 20 years ago I never would have thought I would do or be able to do. Some I am proud of, some I am still stunned. I had such a small vision of what I wanted to do with my life. I have fulfilled what I wanted to do, I suppose. I just hadn't thought of all that goes with it. When I dreamed of my life, this is where I went;
I wanted to be married to a man that adored me. Check
I wanted 2 kids. Check. Well, double check that one.
I wanted a boy and a girl. Check, check, check and ... check.
I wanted to live in a big house with a yard and a garden. Been there done that. Now I am moving on from that.
I wanted to stay home with my kids and raise them. Well, got that one covered and then some.
I wanted to be the mom that was home all day to bake cookies for when the kids came home from school, have a nice dinner, etc. Use that time during the day to get things done so I could be with my kids as they needed me when they got home. Well, curve ball number one. And it is a doozy!
Homeschooling changes that one enormously. I may have been too attached to the one where I stay home with my kids...

             After all of that life didn't seem to factor into my ideas of what it would all be like.
I never thought I'd have 4 kids. Or homeschool. That was for weird people. Freaks. I never thought I could have survived, much less, thrived through all we have been through in our marriage.
My husband and I look back over our 20 years that we have been together and we can easily see where God's hand has been. We can look at the "tapestry" and see the beautiful colors ALL weaved together. The dark sad times with the joyful happy times. Woven together are so pretty.
I always wonder about the stretching times. The times when you feel like God is just asking too much. I mean does HE really not get that I haven't had enough time to get my husbands underwear washed yet? And there is a funky smell in the bathroom that I haven't bleached out yet. There are dinners to cook, curriculum to decide, hiney's to wipe, and all of the other practicules  that keep a family of 6 just treading water. Not to mention, but we must to have, any joy, just that,... joyful things. Going to the beach, walks in the harbor, playing catch with the boys, watching the boys football games, teaching the littles to swim. These things take up time that is necessary as well.
            Then HE hits me a ball out in left field. Really. Not one I expected. I am now on the board of my homeschool group. I'm sorry, doesn't having 4 kids exempt me from being asked? Doesn't that job belong to someone with one, MAYBE 2 kids? Well, this year, God said, "NO!" It is my turn He says.
I pray often that God will send me a burning bush like Moses to make it pretty clear the direction I am supposed to go. I have ignored and justified my way out of not following God's prompts before. Well, it hurts in many ways when you are praying for God to use you and you choke when HE calls. HE makes you realize it would be much easier to just do the difficult task HE asks then... NOT. Either He will give you a swift kick in the back side or worse, HE will find someone else and pass by you the next time. "I guess that one can't be trusted to be given any responsibility."
           Well, as the offer was made to lead this group, I sat prepared to give my regrets and apologies that there was no way I should even be  expected to do the job she was asking.
         Then there it was. The burning bush. Right there. I think I even started to laugh a little and said under my breath. Well, there it is. The burning bush. Even my husband, whom I pray with often, said as I repeated all that the person who asked me had said to me, "Well, how's that burning bush looking to you?"
Which was funny because he also was prepared for me to say no. Remember, he is still waiting for his clean underwear.
            That is when my mind started to go into a state of shock. As e-mails and phone calls and meetings start taking place to frantically get some things done before the school year started for most of us, I started wondering how I could hide from it all. "WHAT HAVE I DONE!!" Really. There aren't any spare moments that are around, unless I stop sleeping (which is what I am doing to write this). Really, I do my daughters hair often while I am going potty myself. (TMI sorry).
             Then we go to church, and the last few weeks it has been brought up that with much a servant is trusted, much a servant is given.

Matthew 25:23

New International Version (NIV)

   ²³ “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’
              So the more I am willing to give as far as serving my time, my understanding is that means the more time I should be given. I really need to give lots of time then.
                 I so many times get a visual of my life. I have my hands cupped together and God is pouring oil into them. I am trying so hard to not let any of it out of my fingers to hit the floor. I can't do it. HE is pouring too much, too fast. Funny, because there are several places in the bible that to show wealth  or abundant blessings, it says my cup runs over .

Psalm 23:5

New International Version (NIV)

 ⁵ You prepare a table before me
   in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil; 

   my cup overflows. 
It talks about something running over. And oil was traded and was an important commodity in bible times. They used olive oil for so much. To have much olive oil, was a sign of wealth. My visual is incomplete. The rest is this: as I start to panic and feel like I just can't do it all. I can't be expected to DO EVERYTHING! How can I keep all of this together and not spill any of it? I know they are blessings but, how can I hold on to it all? That is when I realize, HIS hands are cupped under mine. I'm not supposed to do it all. HE will. IF HE  blessed me with something, HE will take care of it. I just have to make sure that I put HIS things first. And he will do the rest. 
                So as I count my blessings (love that song. I sing it often to myself and my kids), I realize HE is there to count them with me. God is going to bless me as long and as big as I am willing to keep following his burning bushes. If HE makes it burn, He'll make sure I can do it. 
                 NO the 17 year old me would never have been able to do all that I am and have done. But, 17 year old me, wasn't asking God for burning bushes and counting blessings. 17 year old me has learned a few things. Thankfully. 

Psalm 23:6

New International Version (NIV)

⁶ Surely your goodness and love will follow me
   all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
   forever.

Thank you Lord for the oil that overflows. 

It Is Coming..... Sooner Rather Than Later

      
             I saw it. I just caught a glimpse but, it was enough to make me choke back a tiny gasp and put a lump in my throat. I knew it was coming but, to actually see it... To know that the inevitable was going to come SOME day was O.K. To know that it is here.... Excuse me while I have a good cry. Not all sad tears. Joyful, excited, anxious tears. I know I am like all other moms (especially homeschool moms) that say, "Really God? Now? Why do you make it happen so fast?! I don't think I'm ready." 
            One day he was a chubby little bug, grabbing my pants and giggling. Then he was the smiling little buddy, following Daddy everywhere around with his own work boots and tool belt on. Hammering every surface around. Now...sniff..., he is on the threshold of manhood. Really. He is taller then I am. His voice is deep and booming. His body is full of muscles cut all down his six pack stomach. He can even carry on a regular adult conversation with adults that doesn't include any words that describe bodily functions, or their sounds. 
             How is a mom to do this? How does God expect me to be anything but, bittersweet about this. I imagine Hannah must be my hero in the Bible to be able to give up her son just after he was weaned. I would have nursed that guy as long as is physically possible. I am happy he is becoming a man. And I really am seeing glimpses of a good man. One with strength of his belief in God. A man that will talk to a person no matter what they look like, or who they are. He loves to laugh and joke. He loves to read and share obscure facts. This is who he is. At least the first little bit of him. I am so anxious to see where God will lead him. 
              My husband just took him to an information night for the Mariners Sea Scouts. It is a sailing program. They teach them all about sailing but, it is in a boy scout type of format. He will be out in the ocean in a 1 man or 2 man boat at times. He will be out on a 37 foot yacht sailing to Catalina Island with a crew of men and women his age, and chaperone's. It could be a weekend trip. They have competitions with other Sea Scouts at the naval base. This isn't an easy adventure he is coming up on. This will be hard and at times intense work to do the drills that he has to do. 
              His classes for school are suddenly becoming more intense. He will have much more work to do. He is teaching the Kindergarten class (where his little brother is)at church, He is becoming a leader to others. He has been asked to be on the student council with our high school group. Girls talk to him. And he talks back!! I am so proud. (Girls can be scary. I know I am one. )
               I am ready, mostly, for him to cross that threshold but, I will watch him with an ache in my heart and a lump in my throat. My perfect little boy. My first born. The one I thought that I loved so much that I couldn't have anymore children because, I couldn't love them as much. (Little did I know that God stretches a moms heart to love and adore all of her children). When I looked into his little blue eyes, I knew this is what I was made to do. Raise him (and his brother's and sister). He was the beginning of motherhood for me. My series of milestones began with him as well. With him, I had my first Mother's day and felt so funny that someone else was going to call me Mom. I had my first Christmas that was about the "kids" and not myself or my husband. I have many firsts with him, just as I watched all of his firsts. 
                Maybe we should have a Mother's First Milestone book as well. My first time to nurse (WEEEEIIIIRD!). My first all nighter that didn't involve textbooks or a bag of Doritos and a bucket of chocolate ice cream. My first time being puked on, pooped on and snotted on. My first time to go out of the house with all 3 still on my shirt and not having a clue because I was so tired it never occurred to me to look in a mirror before I left. 
The first time my baby was hurt by another child. (I wanted to kick that kid!) The first time to go shopping and wanting to hurry through the mall because shopping wasn't (sniff) fun anymore. The first time he got hurt and I couldn't make it go away. The first time my child lost a tooth,  slept through the night, used the big potty, and was weaned to a big boy cup. All of his firsts went along side all of my firsts. I was so proud. I am so proud. 
find one that suits your life even better. 
               “Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your path.” Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)
                 He will direct your paths. He will be the best director of where you go. O.K. I am going to start bowing out now. It is your time to shine. A boy doesn't need his mommy around all the time to make sure he is doing the right thing and not missing opportunities. Baby, it is time for you to do that. Pray. Pray and read the Word. That is the best map. I will continue to be here but, on the sidelines. O.K.? I will not be the coach quite as often anymore. I am going to start becoming the cheerleader. Always here, cheering you on to YOUR success'. I am so excited to see the man that you become. I am so thrilled to watch as God guides you to the full man HE wants you to be. Just listen. Pray and listen. 
                 Now, go out and grab everything God puts in your path. Do everything with all your might. And don't forget to wave at me sometimes on the sidelines so I know you haven't forgotten about me. 
                  I love you, my darling first born. My the Lord continue to bless you and keep you close to HIM. 

YEA!! GO!!! RIGHT ON!!! WOO HOO!!!!

Well, really it will look more like this even though I feel like the other one. 

My Knight in Shining Armor

        

             There are several things I want to post next but, it is a midnight rambling time of night so, I guess here I go again. I am so very blessed with one of the most wonderful men on the planet. I married him because I recognized it rather quickly and knew if I didn't snatch him up, someone else would see how great he was and grab him. So I did. I have never looked back or had a doubt as to the choice I made. For once in my young life I had made the right decision. I wasn't always so good at that. He was the best thing that had ever happened to me up to that point in my life. I was young when we started dating. 18 and it was only the Christmas after I graduated high school. We got married 2 1/2 years later.  I look back on the first date we had, the day after Christmas, 1990. I never saw this as a potential for anything but a mellow fun time. Nothing serious or heavy. Boy, was I wrong. Funny how God takes our "plans" for our lives and says, "you know this could be o.k. but, I have something even better planned for you. "
               He was so fun and made me feel,... like me. I didn't really know who I was or what I wanted out of life but, when I was with him I could laugh and really think about what I believed and wanted to do. Funny the only issues I ever had with his and mines relationship was I really thought it was more of a friendship. At first, that is really what I thought. Then, oh just a fun night out. But, he grew on me. Yes, like a fungus. No really. I couldn't shake the sense of "home" when I was around him. Comfort. Security. Strength. Not just his strength, he made me feel strength in me that I didn't realize I had. That was intoxicating. Strength. I had always believed I was... weak, fragile.  That I needed others to make me anything. But, he made me feel that I could do anything. Even without someone holding my hand.
                That strength became key to my life. We dedicated our engagement and then marriage to God. And tried to do that with everything else as time went on. Houses, cars, jobs, kids. All of it, we really tried to dedicate and thank God for them daily. We both grew leaps and bounds in our faith as each year went by. To grow in our faith and our strength in Jesus, comes trials. Oh my, we have had a few. The beginning of our marriage was plagued with me getting very sick. I had developed Crohn's disease. It was awful. I wanted to hide. Here is my wonderful new husband and the things going on with me were very less then lovely or beautiful. He was fantastic. He did so much for me and it strengthened us in our faith and in our relationship. Amazing how something so nasty could turn into a little cement to hold us firmer together.
                 Bought our first home. Had our first baby. Things were great. Then my husband faced some stressful choices about work and our family and the direction we were going. These times were difficult for us and caused me to go to my knees and to realize that I needed God even more. That I wanted to be re-baptized. (First time was done under worry and stress). My husband ended up on his knees about the same time and we were baptized on the same day.
               Then came baby number 2..... So much to say about him. He was a beautiful big baby. Almost 10 pounds. But, it became clear quickly something was wrong with him. Super long story (and an incredible one at that) he was very sick. As horrible as those 4 months were I learned to lean on God like I had never leaned before. We knew that the only way we could get through that terrible time in our life was to lean hard on God. God worked huge miracles for us during that time. Things that the doctors said would never happen, did. Things they said he would never do, he does. He is such a miracle. Again my husband and I grew stronger in each other and our faith.
               Long time of prosperity and blessings came 6 years after baby 2 we decided to have baby 3. He was a difficult pregnancy. I was on bed rest for 5 months. That seemed to me an impossible feat. My personality didn't do well laying in a bed. But, I did and my husband cared for me and the kids. What a wonderful guy. This scary time really put some of mine and my husbands beliefs to the test. My life was in danger as well as the babies, and it was really hard to lay there each hour and pray that God would get us through this terrifying time. Of course he did and our faith grew (see a theme yet?). Baby 3 came into the world with a bit of fanfare. He was early and it scared me terribly that he would be sick. (after #2 it was hard not to worry). Everything ended up great and fine. Thanks again God!
                 Well, with so much space between baby 2 and baby 3, it seemed only right to have a 4th. When I was pregnant this time, things around us were changing. My husbands work slowed down a lot. We didn't worry too much. God had always provided a way out of trouble for us before. When baby number 4 surprised us all by being a girl after 3 boys, we were in shock. Thrilled but, shocked none the less. My husband was actually speechless. Made the doctor laugh. She came in with much excitement. We were at church and I was in full labor. I didn't want to leave, it was a good sermon and labor always takes hours. I had plenty of time. Well, not so much as I thought. She was born just an hour or so after my husband made me go to the hospital. Incredible!
                   With the birth of our little girl, my husband didn't have anymore work. We weren't sure what to do. We used up the savings, and the credit cards. Then we missed house payments. Now it was really bad. Like so many people we were contacted by the bank, they wanted to "work a deal". They called it a modification. Well, it made it worse and worse. Finally, we were going to lose the house. Not just a house, but our home of ten years. We were both sick with grief and sorrow. Why would God desert us after all we had been through in our lives with Him by our side? Why would he leave us now? God brought us a buyer so we didn't lose the house. We just both thought we were robbed. We had believed this was our opportunity to move to the south to help my grandma and live on a farm. A dream we had for many years. Well, at the last possible moment, that fell through. Now what? You can imagine the crying out to God we did. Daily, hourly.  My husband struggled with our situation. His entire identity was being turned into something he didn't recognize.  Still calling out to God. Growing even stronger in each other.
                     Well, my daughter is now 2. Which means our lives completely started to change 2 years ago. We now live in a much smaller duplex. I drive a 1993 suburban with lots of miles on it ( we paid cash from the sale of the house). We call her Suzy. She is much easier to load up all of the kids and groceries, etc. We don't go and do many of the things we used to. My husbands work has been much leaner since all of the changes, but, we are able to make our rent and feed our family. Both of us are making time to volunteer at the church. Sunday has become Our Lord's day to our family. A day of rest in Him and each other. We have learned to make more time for God and what He wants for us. Our kids are happy. They like where we live now. Actually better, they say, then the old place. We aren't totally settled in but, we'll get there. Besides, God is using us and we are supposed to "travel light" right? My husband and mines marriage is even stronger than before. We have less materially but, we have so much more than we ever have. He is still my knight and my safe place. We are learning to really lean on God. He provides us our daily bread.
                      It is really interesting how when I look back over my life with this wonderful man, the times that were the worst, scariest, most painful were the times that we clung to each other all the more and helped each other to look heavenward. I truly think that is what we are supposed to do for each other. Be the navigator. Keep each other looking forward. Remember in the bible when the angels came to get Lot and his family out of Sodom and Gomorah.  The angels said to them not to look back. Poor Lot's wife couldn't let go of the past. She had to look back just one more time. Tried to take one more lingering look at her past life. Then she turned to a pillar of salt. How did Lot not look back at her at that moment and turn into one himself? Genesis 19:26. Jesus points out to us Christians in Luke 17:32 to not be like Lot's wife. He is telling us not to look back at our old life. I have been given many blessings in my life. Especially in the 20 years that God has blessed me so far with this wonderful man. I want to not be like poor Lot's wife (who isn't even named in the bible) and look at all that I am leaving behind or that has been taken away. Which is it? Taken or saved from. Has our old life of prosperity been taken from us or are we being saved from it? I am not sure even what we would be saved from.

                   I want to move forward and hold on to the blessings I have. I want to be ready to go and do whatever the Lord would have me do for him. I am realizing that evangelism isn't something that just happens. I have to step out of my comfort zone and I have to do it when God prompts. Not when I am good and ready. So Lord, I am grateful for this wonderful strong man that makes me laugh and feel good about who I am. Who loves his kids and really enjoys spending time with them. I am grateful for the little blessings of these four children, and am excited to see where you lead them. And Lord I am ready to lead in your army. I am an able body and mind. Use me Lord. Show me the right path to go. Even though it will be rocky and curvy, with my incredible family, we will trudge forward. Thank you Lord.

A Visit From the Binky Fairy

          

           Son number three is having a birthday this next week. Since he is turning 4 I thought it would be a great idea to start talking about the Binky Fairy. All of my children have used one. I am not sure if you know what  a binky is but, in our house it is the pacifier. Well, my son seemed skeptical about giving it up. Even for a prize in it's place. And honestly, my husband did the whole, "Are you sure about this? He sleeps so good. He is a good napper." In my experience letting go of the binky can totally ruin a good napper. So after his talk, I was a little hesitant to push the Fairy visit. Well, my darling little boy tells me at bedtime that he is ready to do it. I promptly start talking him out of it. I mean, maybe it would be fine if he had it a little longer. I love nap time. It also means, as my husband put it, that we have one less baby in the house. Yes, we know he isn't a baby but, there are milestones (we've talked about these before) that choke us parents up as much as if not more than the first tooth and haircut. There are so many more things that mean your child is moving towards being an independent being. They are good things. In fact they are great. Just milestones worth taking pause over. Well, the night came and he had trouble going to sleep. So much so, I forgot to change out the Binky Box with the prize. Thankfully, my husband checked when he woke up and reminded me. I'm just glad it was a morning that the little guy ended up sleeping in. Late night and all. So the gift was exchanged (CARS Guys of course). Son wakes up and is so thrilled. He said these were special ones that the fairy must have gotten at the Fairy factory (oh there is a Fairy factory?) because he had never seen these before. I had stashed them for his birthday. Oh well, I will get him something else. The fairy gets credit for these.

                                               Elvis and Marco are their names they are cool.

Just thought I would share one of those special milestones in our family. For the record, it has been two days. He got out of bed 2 times last night and couldn't sleep for nap yesterday. Then he didn't want to fall asleep in the car today without the binky. He finally did. Not very long yet. I think I might miss the binky more than he does.