A Wedding Gift (this one was written awhile ago and forgotten. So, I'll post it now just because. )

            So, a very sweet cousin of mine just got married. She is one of those people that you just want to be around. Smiling, vivacious, and beautiful. People can't help but notice her when she walks in the room. She is quite tall and striking. But, I'm writing because she is a newlywed. She is a new wife. Someday hopefully, a mama. She will be running a household. Her job will be extensive as those of us that have already taken on this job know.
            I am late with my gift because I have really wanted to get a gift that would be used and remembered. One that she would actually use. She will be living in Nicaragua for the first bit of her marriage. She is a missionary and now she is bringing her sweet new husband with her. So you can see my dilimna in that she won't be bringing all of the normal wedding gifts with her. Blenders, toasters, china, it will all be packed away in her parents attic until they return from their mission trip is over. I wanted to give her something she could use now.
            So, what have I decided on, you ask. Advice. I know, go ahead and groan. I'm no expert. I didn't go to college to be a marriage counselor. But, I am blessed with a marriage that I am so happy to be in everyday still. There aren't days that I wake up wishing I were somewhere else. Now that doesn't mean everything is always just the way I wish. No while my darling daughter threw up on my foot and all over the floor this morning, laying on a beach in Hawaii with a sweet iced tea, with an umbrella in my hand sounded divine. But, that is normal. It also doesn't mean that nothing bad has ever happened in our married time together. No in fact there are days I think we are getting more then our share of stressful, difficult times. Money troubles, horribly ill children, bedrest for months, family crisis, and so much more. But, it is those times over the almost 20 years that have brought us closer and love each other more.
              I will tell you that my husband and I have been together for 22 years this next Christmas. We have been married for 19 this July. I love him more then I did on that July afternoon 19 years ago and he is very truly my best friend.
              First, I ordered some books that I think are great for starting a marriage. A blank book to keep a "household book" as they used to call it in the old days. Or to journal ideas and advice. Recipes. Gathering of ideas on how to do something special for someone. The front says, "We remember moments  not days."I think that is so appropriate. It is true.
             Other books I ordered for her are: 1001 Ways to be romantic . I bought this book when we were getting married. I have used it many times over the years, not only for us and building our relationship but, for getting especially extra special gifts for anyone that you want to make an impression on. All of the ideas are different and out of the ordinary. He teaches you that romantic just means that you thought about that person and you know them, and think that what they say is important enough to remember. Who doesn't want a gift like that. Also, no matter how much time goes by, or how many kids you have, or what house or city you live in, it is essential that you always remember that you married him for a reason. That he married you for his own reasons. Remember that the marriage is the first thing to nurture. Not the kids and not everyone else in the families emotions.
             I got her two books on celebrating traditions. Celebrating the Christian year , and Celebrations that touch the heart are both books to help you come up with some fun traditions to start in your family. Both from a Christian point of view. I believe traditions can be super grounding. A way to pull the family in together. If you hear or kids that lived through very difficult lives growing up, it always seems to be the "traditions" that their family did that they clung to. That may sound weird but if a child that doesn't grow up with overwhelming love and joy and Christ in their life and those moments made them feel good and able to make it through another day, then what more can it do for our families?
             A Christmas memory book with their name on it. I bought one for Greg and I our first Christmas and we have been writing in it every year. We put in a picture and the card we sent. It is great to look back and see how God has blessed us from year to year.
             The Encyclopedia of Modern Cooking, I use mine to find interesting and new (old) recipes to share with my family. Why is this important? Because food/flavors is associated with memories. And Food is a good way to start traditions. My family growing up always made certain foods to go with particular holidays. I have continued some and added some of our own. Also, family comes back to the dinner table. It is good for us to eat together, break bread together. The dinner table is the place that as they grow up and move out we can still get them to come to and eat. And if they have a good memory attached to a particular food even better. Eating times should be associated with enjoyable moments.
             The Red Plate: we use this each night at dinner. We rotate who gets it. When you get it each person at the table has to tell you why you are special today. This not only teaches us to give and receive compliments (it's funny how we have had visitors come to dinner and they don't want the red plate because they don't know how to take a compliment. ) But, you also stop and think what happened that day, with that person. This helps us not take each other for granted. Did he wash your car today? Did she scrub the floor? Or Did they work so hard today for someone else and you noticed how hard they worked. It feels good to have someone say that they noticed.
             The package is sealed up now so I think that was all of it. I hope they like the gift. It is much work to locate each piece but, a well thought our marriage is going to be nurtured and thought of . Our marriages need to be thought of and purposely cared for. You can't get married and think that is the end of it. It keeps going. And the more people involved the harder it can become to nurture your own marriage. Whether it is a mother in law or a sister or children that come later. All will try to pull your attention away from your marriage. And many times we have the attitude that it will always be there. That now that the ceremony is over you can file it and put it on the back burner. Your marriage should always be on the front burner. Next to your relationship with God.
             O.K. the box is ready to send and my soap box is over. Thanks for taking the time to read this today. I hope it blessed you in some way.

My Oil Is Overflowing.

        

            There are so many things in my life that 20 years ago I never would have thought I would do or be able to do. Some I am proud of, some I am still stunned. I had such a small vision of what I wanted to do with my life. I have fulfilled what I wanted to do, I suppose. I just hadn't thought of all that goes with it. When I dreamed of my life, this is where I went;
I wanted to be married to a man that adored me. Check
I wanted 2 kids. Check. Well, double check that one.
I wanted a boy and a girl. Check, check, check and ... check.
I wanted to live in a big house with a yard and a garden. Been there done that. Now I am moving on from that.
I wanted to stay home with my kids and raise them. Well, got that one covered and then some.
I wanted to be the mom that was home all day to bake cookies for when the kids came home from school, have a nice dinner, etc. Use that time during the day to get things done so I could be with my kids as they needed me when they got home. Well, curve ball number one. And it is a doozy!
Homeschooling changes that one enormously. I may have been too attached to the one where I stay home with my kids...

             After all of that life didn't seem to factor into my ideas of what it would all be like.
I never thought I'd have 4 kids. Or homeschool. That was for weird people. Freaks. I never thought I could have survived, much less, thrived through all we have been through in our marriage.
My husband and I look back over our 20 years that we have been together and we can easily see where God's hand has been. We can look at the "tapestry" and see the beautiful colors ALL weaved together. The dark sad times with the joyful happy times. Woven together are so pretty.
I always wonder about the stretching times. The times when you feel like God is just asking too much. I mean does HE really not get that I haven't had enough time to get my husbands underwear washed yet? And there is a funky smell in the bathroom that I haven't bleached out yet. There are dinners to cook, curriculum to decide, hiney's to wipe, and all of the other practicules  that keep a family of 6 just treading water. Not to mention, but we must to have, any joy, just that,... joyful things. Going to the beach, walks in the harbor, playing catch with the boys, watching the boys football games, teaching the littles to swim. These things take up time that is necessary as well.
            Then HE hits me a ball out in left field. Really. Not one I expected. I am now on the board of my homeschool group. I'm sorry, doesn't having 4 kids exempt me from being asked? Doesn't that job belong to someone with one, MAYBE 2 kids? Well, this year, God said, "NO!" It is my turn He says.
I pray often that God will send me a burning bush like Moses to make it pretty clear the direction I am supposed to go. I have ignored and justified my way out of not following God's prompts before. Well, it hurts in many ways when you are praying for God to use you and you choke when HE calls. HE makes you realize it would be much easier to just do the difficult task HE asks then... NOT. Either He will give you a swift kick in the back side or worse, HE will find someone else and pass by you the next time. "I guess that one can't be trusted to be given any responsibility."
           Well, as the offer was made to lead this group, I sat prepared to give my regrets and apologies that there was no way I should even be  expected to do the job she was asking.
         Then there it was. The burning bush. Right there. I think I even started to laugh a little and said under my breath. Well, there it is. The burning bush. Even my husband, whom I pray with often, said as I repeated all that the person who asked me had said to me, "Well, how's that burning bush looking to you?"
Which was funny because he also was prepared for me to say no. Remember, he is still waiting for his clean underwear.
            That is when my mind started to go into a state of shock. As e-mails and phone calls and meetings start taking place to frantically get some things done before the school year started for most of us, I started wondering how I could hide from it all. "WHAT HAVE I DONE!!" Really. There aren't any spare moments that are around, unless I stop sleeping (which is what I am doing to write this). Really, I do my daughters hair often while I am going potty myself. (TMI sorry).
             Then we go to church, and the last few weeks it has been brought up that with much a servant is trusted, much a servant is given.

Matthew 25:23

New International Version (NIV)

   ²³ “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’
              So the more I am willing to give as far as serving my time, my understanding is that means the more time I should be given. I really need to give lots of time then.
                 I so many times get a visual of my life. I have my hands cupped together and God is pouring oil into them. I am trying so hard to not let any of it out of my fingers to hit the floor. I can't do it. HE is pouring too much, too fast. Funny, because there are several places in the bible that to show wealth  or abundant blessings, it says my cup runs over .

Psalm 23:5

New International Version (NIV)

 ⁵ You prepare a table before me
   in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil; 

   my cup overflows. 
It talks about something running over. And oil was traded and was an important commodity in bible times. They used olive oil for so much. To have much olive oil, was a sign of wealth. My visual is incomplete. The rest is this: as I start to panic and feel like I just can't do it all. I can't be expected to DO EVERYTHING! How can I keep all of this together and not spill any of it? I know they are blessings but, how can I hold on to it all? That is when I realize, HIS hands are cupped under mine. I'm not supposed to do it all. HE will. IF HE  blessed me with something, HE will take care of it. I just have to make sure that I put HIS things first. And he will do the rest. 
                So as I count my blessings (love that song. I sing it often to myself and my kids), I realize HE is there to count them with me. God is going to bless me as long and as big as I am willing to keep following his burning bushes. If HE makes it burn, He'll make sure I can do it. 
                 NO the 17 year old me would never have been able to do all that I am and have done. But, 17 year old me, wasn't asking God for burning bushes and counting blessings. 17 year old me has learned a few things. Thankfully. 

Psalm 23:6

New International Version (NIV)

⁶ Surely your goodness and love will follow me
   all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
   forever.

Thank you Lord for the oil that overflows. 

What Brings Joy in Your Day?!

          

           First, this could get a little PG rated so, if you're not married or under age maybe you might want to wait to read my next post. Sorry, had to add the disclaimer. 
             So, I was thinking about my days. How there seems to be chaos, and busyness all day long. Well, really often even into the night. My daily responsibilities are quite numerous. To name just a few on a regular, mellow day (of which there is never one of those). 

1. Getting everyone up on time
2. prodding on the dressing and chore time
3. bathing and dressing not only myself, but the 2 "littles"
4. making beds
5. cleaning up
6. breakfast
7. DISHES
8. clean-up anything else in the way for lessons
9. lessons
10. refereeing squabbles
11. encouraging
12. laundry
13. planning meals
14. grocery shopping
15. vacuuming 
16. potty patrol (2 year old still needs to be reminded to go)
17. sweeping
18. fielding any phone calls
19. calendar juggling
20. taxi driver to get to appointments and classes on time
21. time keeper
22. floors to wash
23. bathrooms to clean (showers, etc)
24. wiping noses, faces, and anything else that needs to be wiped
25. Lunch
26. DISHES
27. prepare dinner
28. get everyone ready to come in and eat
29. encourage them all to eat said HEALTHY meal
30. DISHES
31. cleanup 
32. bathes
33. p.j.s
34. stories
35. potty monitor
36. booty wiper
37. bedtime tyrant
38. Vitamin giver and watcher that they take them.
39. meanie that makes all stay in bed!

             I really could go on and on. Let me tell you, there is so much left out. Not to mention the surprises that I am always blessed with everyday. I will enlighten you a little on a few examples of those little interruptions blessings I get through the day. 

1. Potty training. That we poop in the potty. Not the floor.
2. bumped heads, arms, noses, legs, toes, and more
3. band aids!
4. unexpected visitors
5. dawdling
6. disagreements
7. leaking garbage disposals
8. weird smells
9. spilled food, drinks, soap, ice, toys, etc. on the floor to clean
10. markers (do I need to say anymore) 
11. toilet paper rolls-totally unrolled
12. tu-tu's getting caught
13. fingers stuck in various holes
14. odd objects in noses
15. things missing that were possibly swallowed. Or not

             I think you get the idea. I don't live a quiet and serene life. When I quit work while pregnant with my first son, my boss said she would keep my job available for awhile for when I got bored and wanted to come back..
UMMM.... REALLY?!
It's been almost 14 years since he was born (WOW I didn't realize I had one that old!!) and I don't think I have had a moment of boredom since then. NOPE. No boring days. I can truly say that. And really mean it. 


            Now, back to the title of this post. What brings joy into your crazy, busy days? What things give you that stranded on a beautiful white beach in the middle of nowhere with all of the comforts you couldn't live without, moment?
I truly thought about this as I hear new moms and new brides that look at my busy life of a husband, and 4 kids and homeschooling and they say, "No WAY! How do you do it? How do you not loose yourself? How do you find "ME" time? How does your husband still know you love him? How do you still know he loves you?!!" (First, we all know I have issues with ME time. So, we'll leave that one alone. )
                 So, here is my top list of what gives me my joy.

1. SWEET TEA (you knew that was coming. RIGHT?)
2. chocolate
3. a cold day, with homemade soup on the stove. And a glimpse of my children all getting along. For a moment.
4. T.V. time in the evening with my husband (that is our dates)
5. Early bedtimes for the kids
6. NOONERS!
7. talking on the phone with my childhood friend while we both clean up the kitchen in our homes
8. Laughter
9. reading the Bible first thing in the morning out loud with my husband before anyone else gets up.
10. playing games with my family
11. Oh and did I mention a little AFTERNOON DELIGHT
12. OOPS and Sweet tea

          I wonder if you notice a few patterns. First, I do a lot of dishes and cook tons...
Also, I love sweet tea (no surprise) and I love my husband. Those moments that I listed in the last list, are what brings my day joy. When I realize that I'm not feeling too joyful and I'm more grouchy then pleasant, I need to find one of those things on my brings joy list to do. It means I have gotten sucked into the "have to's" and the the vortex of busyness.
Yes ladies, I know we are busy and tired and stretched to our limit. It seems so much easier and less trouble to reach for the chocolate, a latte, or a sweet tea but, if we are truly looking for refreshing moment, actually a little flustering moment, take a moment with your Honey. Nowhere in the Bible does it say to delight in your latte. It does say to delight in each other.  Proverbs 5:18 says- May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
         Yea, it really says that. So, in case you have forgotten, You used to delight in him often. Before kids. Before dishes. Before poop on the floor. Remember how you would get so excited about seeing him before you were married? Now when he walks in the door, do you stop. Do you even acknowledge that he is home? Do you go out of your way to do the special little things he likes? Get him that special treat from the store? He is the one that used to bring you joy in the middle of your day. Is he still?


         Also, if you haven't read Song of Solomon (some Bibles call it Song of Songs) lately, go for it. Actually, try reading it out loud to your husband. You might be surprised what is in there. Now that you are an adult and are able to really experience all that he says in the book. Go for it. Have a little joy in the afternoon. 

Gratefulness. My List of 1,000 Things to Be Grateful For. (Ongoing)

        


                                                       Blessings come in all kinds of packages!!


             So, I have heard so many sermons on being thankful. I've read blogs on being truly grateful. Goodness, one of my favorite songs to sing to the kids is "Count Your Blessings". I really only sing the chorus to it when they are falling asleep ( one of the songs they like).
            It all makes me wonder, am I truly thankful for what I have. Do I consistently yearn for more? What am I modeling for my kids? Are they content and grateful? Well, we really had a test recently about being grateful for things, money, etc. And a few times we have been tested by how grateful we were for health as well as the little things. We know that God has blessed us with everything that we have. Every breath we breathe, every heartbeat, every second of everyday, God has blessed us with. I have seen photos of people in Rwanda and other 3rd world places that people walk for miles to get water. That isn't our life. If we have to drive 6 miles to a grocery, to choose what we feel like eating this week, we get frustrated. My husband and I have an ongoing debate as to which Trader Joe's to go to. The one that is 1.5 miles or the one with the nicer employees, and better parking that is 2.5 miles (can you tell which side I am on?). This is a luxury problem. Not even a problem. Why do I forget or overlook that it is a blessing to disagree on which Trader Joe's to go to. Some people don't have a grocery or the ability to choose what they eat even. I don't need to preach to you. I am just putting my own heart in the right place.
            With that said, I know many people; celebrities, teachers, preachers, friends, even family, have encouraged us all to write down what we are grateful for, or maybe what makes us happy. I have a friend that for the month of February, wrote everyday on what she loved. So, I have really thought about this and have decided that I, as well as my kids, (we'll see if hubby wants to do it) will be making a list. (I know I love lists). The list will be 1,000 things that we are grateful for, thankful for and count as a blessing. Big things, little things, anything.
            I will keep a running list here of mine and share some of the kids blessings they write down as they come along. I'm sure they will come up with some great ones.
I will add to it as time goes one. I am wondering how long it will take me to get to 1,000.


             My Blessing List!

1. Clean Water
2. Clean air to breath (used to live in Corona! Stinky and smoggy).
3. toothbrushes and toothpaste
4. my incredible husband
5. my wonderful children (I never dreamed of having 4!)
6. a warm house to live in
7. a car that is paid for
8. my ocean view
9. being saved
10. our church
11. dear friends 
12. a full pantry and refrigerator
13. a great natural Doctor
14. Dr. Bob
15. the beach
16. internet
17. chocolate (I would put sweet tea but, I am fasting from it right now. I'll save that one).
18. my car that is big enough to put everyone and still have room for groceries
19. Trader Joe's
20. Heat (it's cold today. Ha ha! 55.)
21. home-schooling
22. pounds dropping (albeit slowly) from the scale
23. My grandmother is still alive and my kids have been to her place. (wish we could go more)
24. That I can pick up the phone and talk to my mom 
25. Showers
26. swimming pools
27. books
28. The Bible
29. Prayer
30. Learning a lesson quickly rather then banging my head too many times first.

Well, here are the first 30. It may take me a good long while but, I really think that this is a fantastic exercise for each of us. I am hoping to do some everyday but, we'll see if that happens.

My Knight in Shining Armor

        

             There are several things I want to post next but, it is a midnight rambling time of night so, I guess here I go again. I am so very blessed with one of the most wonderful men on the planet. I married him because I recognized it rather quickly and knew if I didn't snatch him up, someone else would see how great he was and grab him. So I did. I have never looked back or had a doubt as to the choice I made. For once in my young life I had made the right decision. I wasn't always so good at that. He was the best thing that had ever happened to me up to that point in my life. I was young when we started dating. 18 and it was only the Christmas after I graduated high school. We got married 2 1/2 years later.  I look back on the first date we had, the day after Christmas, 1990. I never saw this as a potential for anything but a mellow fun time. Nothing serious or heavy. Boy, was I wrong. Funny how God takes our "plans" for our lives and says, "you know this could be o.k. but, I have something even better planned for you. "
               He was so fun and made me feel,... like me. I didn't really know who I was or what I wanted out of life but, when I was with him I could laugh and really think about what I believed and wanted to do. Funny the only issues I ever had with his and mines relationship was I really thought it was more of a friendship. At first, that is really what I thought. Then, oh just a fun night out. But, he grew on me. Yes, like a fungus. No really. I couldn't shake the sense of "home" when I was around him. Comfort. Security. Strength. Not just his strength, he made me feel strength in me that I didn't realize I had. That was intoxicating. Strength. I had always believed I was... weak, fragile.  That I needed others to make me anything. But, he made me feel that I could do anything. Even without someone holding my hand.
                That strength became key to my life. We dedicated our engagement and then marriage to God. And tried to do that with everything else as time went on. Houses, cars, jobs, kids. All of it, we really tried to dedicate and thank God for them daily. We both grew leaps and bounds in our faith as each year went by. To grow in our faith and our strength in Jesus, comes trials. Oh my, we have had a few. The beginning of our marriage was plagued with me getting very sick. I had developed Crohn's disease. It was awful. I wanted to hide. Here is my wonderful new husband and the things going on with me were very less then lovely or beautiful. He was fantastic. He did so much for me and it strengthened us in our faith and in our relationship. Amazing how something so nasty could turn into a little cement to hold us firmer together.
                 Bought our first home. Had our first baby. Things were great. Then my husband faced some stressful choices about work and our family and the direction we were going. These times were difficult for us and caused me to go to my knees and to realize that I needed God even more. That I wanted to be re-baptized. (First time was done under worry and stress). My husband ended up on his knees about the same time and we were baptized on the same day.
               Then came baby number 2..... So much to say about him. He was a beautiful big baby. Almost 10 pounds. But, it became clear quickly something was wrong with him. Super long story (and an incredible one at that) he was very sick. As horrible as those 4 months were I learned to lean on God like I had never leaned before. We knew that the only way we could get through that terrible time in our life was to lean hard on God. God worked huge miracles for us during that time. Things that the doctors said would never happen, did. Things they said he would never do, he does. He is such a miracle. Again my husband and I grew stronger in each other and our faith.
               Long time of prosperity and blessings came 6 years after baby 2 we decided to have baby 3. He was a difficult pregnancy. I was on bed rest for 5 months. That seemed to me an impossible feat. My personality didn't do well laying in a bed. But, I did and my husband cared for me and the kids. What a wonderful guy. This scary time really put some of mine and my husbands beliefs to the test. My life was in danger as well as the babies, and it was really hard to lay there each hour and pray that God would get us through this terrifying time. Of course he did and our faith grew (see a theme yet?). Baby 3 came into the world with a bit of fanfare. He was early and it scared me terribly that he would be sick. (after #2 it was hard not to worry). Everything ended up great and fine. Thanks again God!
                 Well, with so much space between baby 2 and baby 3, it seemed only right to have a 4th. When I was pregnant this time, things around us were changing. My husbands work slowed down a lot. We didn't worry too much. God had always provided a way out of trouble for us before. When baby number 4 surprised us all by being a girl after 3 boys, we were in shock. Thrilled but, shocked none the less. My husband was actually speechless. Made the doctor laugh. She came in with much excitement. We were at church and I was in full labor. I didn't want to leave, it was a good sermon and labor always takes hours. I had plenty of time. Well, not so much as I thought. She was born just an hour or so after my husband made me go to the hospital. Incredible!
                   With the birth of our little girl, my husband didn't have anymore work. We weren't sure what to do. We used up the savings, and the credit cards. Then we missed house payments. Now it was really bad. Like so many people we were contacted by the bank, they wanted to "work a deal". They called it a modification. Well, it made it worse and worse. Finally, we were going to lose the house. Not just a house, but our home of ten years. We were both sick with grief and sorrow. Why would God desert us after all we had been through in our lives with Him by our side? Why would he leave us now? God brought us a buyer so we didn't lose the house. We just both thought we were robbed. We had believed this was our opportunity to move to the south to help my grandma and live on a farm. A dream we had for many years. Well, at the last possible moment, that fell through. Now what? You can imagine the crying out to God we did. Daily, hourly.  My husband struggled with our situation. His entire identity was being turned into something he didn't recognize.  Still calling out to God. Growing even stronger in each other.
                     Well, my daughter is now 2. Which means our lives completely started to change 2 years ago. We now live in a much smaller duplex. I drive a 1993 suburban with lots of miles on it ( we paid cash from the sale of the house). We call her Suzy. She is much easier to load up all of the kids and groceries, etc. We don't go and do many of the things we used to. My husbands work has been much leaner since all of the changes, but, we are able to make our rent and feed our family. Both of us are making time to volunteer at the church. Sunday has become Our Lord's day to our family. A day of rest in Him and each other. We have learned to make more time for God and what He wants for us. Our kids are happy. They like where we live now. Actually better, they say, then the old place. We aren't totally settled in but, we'll get there. Besides, God is using us and we are supposed to "travel light" right? My husband and mines marriage is even stronger than before. We have less materially but, we have so much more than we ever have. He is still my knight and my safe place. We are learning to really lean on God. He provides us our daily bread.
                      It is really interesting how when I look back over my life with this wonderful man, the times that were the worst, scariest, most painful were the times that we clung to each other all the more and helped each other to look heavenward. I truly think that is what we are supposed to do for each other. Be the navigator. Keep each other looking forward. Remember in the bible when the angels came to get Lot and his family out of Sodom and Gomorah.  The angels said to them not to look back. Poor Lot's wife couldn't let go of the past. She had to look back just one more time. Tried to take one more lingering look at her past life. Then she turned to a pillar of salt. How did Lot not look back at her at that moment and turn into one himself? Genesis 19:26. Jesus points out to us Christians in Luke 17:32 to not be like Lot's wife. He is telling us not to look back at our old life. I have been given many blessings in my life. Especially in the 20 years that God has blessed me so far with this wonderful man. I want to not be like poor Lot's wife (who isn't even named in the bible) and look at all that I am leaving behind or that has been taken away. Which is it? Taken or saved from. Has our old life of prosperity been taken from us or are we being saved from it? I am not sure even what we would be saved from.

                   I want to move forward and hold on to the blessings I have. I want to be ready to go and do whatever the Lord would have me do for him. I am realizing that evangelism isn't something that just happens. I have to step out of my comfort zone and I have to do it when God prompts. Not when I am good and ready. So Lord, I am grateful for this wonderful strong man that makes me laugh and feel good about who I am. Who loves his kids and really enjoys spending time with them. I am grateful for the little blessings of these four children, and am excited to see where you lead them. And Lord I am ready to lead in your army. I am an able body and mind. Use me Lord. Show me the right path to go. Even though it will be rocky and curvy, with my incredible family, we will trudge forward. Thank you Lord.