Your Last Day.

   
      I'm sure you've heard someone say, "Live each day as if it were your last."
Have you ever thought of what that would mean? Everyone's last day would look different I'm sure. Some would spend that day at Disneyland, some would have a huge family get together, others would probably go sit outside and be with nature. I remember seeing a T.V. show where this couple, thinking the husband had a very short time to live, ran up an enormous debt vacationing and enjoying every second they had together.
     I'm not sure how living that way is going to be productive unless you tend to be a workaholic and never spend time on yourself. I even did a bible study using that thought as the premiss. I mean truthfully, if you have children and a spouse, you'd hope you would have things you wanted to tell them or share with them. That was the idea around the study. However, my mind went to other  places. Like, where I would like to go and things I want to eat!! Yea, I know, real deep. I suppose the truth has come out, I'm selfish. But, I wonder, aren't most of us? Maybe I'm going out on a limb here, hoping I'm not the only one that would think that way. I would tell my children how much I love them and all the important things I thought they would need to hear from me. Not so helpful would be that, I would spend much of the time being distraught over all I'd miss of their childhood and how they were going to get along without a mother. Then that would send me to the thought of- would my husband re-marry? NO! NEVER! He loves me too much. Then I would start thinking he should re-marry for his happiness and the kids. So, as you can see, that thought doesn't do me much good. Much mind wondering and distress over something that, hopefully, isn't going to happen any time soon.
     Then something very sad happened. One of the Pastors at our church had a daughter that was quite young come down with brain cancer. 
Jessie Rees was an amazing little girl that actually took the idea of, "what if this was my last day on earth" and left a huge imprint on so many. And since her journey to be with God, she is still making an impact. Wow. That is how we are all supposed to think when that question is posed to us. Unfortunately, I'm not sure I would. 
     It did make me think from another stand point though that did make an impact on me. The thought of that little girls parents and siblings living with the thought that any day she would likely be gone.  This thought horrified me. Oh my goodness, what if it were the last day of my husbands life, or my childs', or moms, etc. You get the idea. It is one of the many things that encouraged me to move back to TN to be with and help my Grandmother for those few short months. It has also been creeping into my head lately when I reprimand my children or get irritated with someone I know. Actually, I've been thinking this morning, it really should impact how I treat everyone. Even strangers. 
     If you knew this was the last time you were going to see someone you love, wouldn't you love them more and fuss less? Wouldn't you linger a little longer then be in such a rush to get on with the busyness of life? I mean people are why we are here, right? Relationships? God wants a relationship with all of us. So, we are to love too. "Love one another"

John 13:34-35

³⁴ “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. ³⁵ By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

Would you be a little more urgent with spreading the Gospel to those you thought didn't have much time?  Would you go out of your way to send notes of encouragement and love? Just pick up the phone and talk for a bit?
     Well, I'm going to think on this a little more. I want to stop and think more before I speak. Before I tell my husband I'm tired and don't want to go for a walk with him right now. Or that I'm too busy to go for the little drive to the gas station with him to keep him company. Before, I fuss at my kids for laughing to loud or being silly, I need to stop and enjoy that moment and let them enjoy it too. 
As for the stranger on the street that cuts me off or yells at me (maybe tells me "I'm #1"), I need to give a minute and some grace. I don't know what that person is going through. I don't know if he/she is experiencing a major loss in their life or they themselves will be gone tomorrow. 
     Many won't like this post. They'll probably tell me it's kinda morbid. It is. But, to all of those people who don't believe in our Christ, I bet we sound pretty morbid. I mean think about it. We worship this man that was beaten to a bloody mess and left to die. His family and friends spent much time thinking about what life was going to be like without him. To them (Jesus' family and friends) life was going to be awful and gut wrenching. But, He was prepared because He knew what was going to be waiting for him when it was all over. Heaven. But, for us people left behind, what of us? Did his mom feel like she told him she loved him enough? Did his brothers belittle his ministry? Remember when his family came to get him and told him to come home? Said he was out of his mind?

 Mark 3:21 says,"When his family heard about this, they went to take charge of him, for they said, "He is out of his mind."

     Boy, I bet they felt like heels. Especially, after the whole rising from the dead thing. None of us are raising Jesus. But, we are raising his disciples and our spouses are blessings that God has given us to make it through this life as a helper and encourager. That means you are supposed to be an encourager too. Are you? Am I? Well, I can say that I am going to try harder at being more loving and more encouraging. I am going to try to live my life treating my family and friends as if they were not going to be here tomorrow. Like I may never have the chance to love on them or tell them how important  they are to me. I'm going to use this time to lift them up and Help them to have a joyful outlook. 

     God loves all of His children and we are supposed to as well. 

Here are some verses to help us remember what it is God says about this. 

Ephesians 4:2-3 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

Philippians 2:2  complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.

1 John 3:18 Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.

I need to work on Philippians 2:2- "being of full accord and one mind."
And also Ephesians 4- to have "humility and gentleness, with patience...." Wow that is a doozy.

     So, with that; I will be looking at you all differently. Pardon me if I hold on a little longer when we hug Hello or Good bye. Excuse me for looking at you with an expression as if I am trying to memorize your face. And be understanding if I call you just to talk. 
     And in case you live too far away for me to hug you, know that I love you and am thinking of you often.

God's Love And My Anger.

     I have tried to write this post several times. There are so many reasons why it has been difficult, only a few of which could I even post in a public forum. So, I am going to attempt this one last time. If it doesn't work, I am going to put the subject to rest. Then it means that it is too private to share.

     As I have posted before, my family moved to TN to move in and help out my grandmother. She lives on a big farm with a large house, by herself. She was showing some real signs of Dementia and needed someone there with her full time. So, after much prayer (that was actually several years of prayer) and several things lined up to show us that we needed to go, we went. We packed up what we could fit in a trailer and the rest we gave away. We truly felt God calling us for so many reasons. Not only to help my Grandmother but, to live a different life, to try some dreams we had held (my husband and I ) since we had been married, to let the children see and experience a different way of living, to have my children get to know my grandmother before it was too late, as well as many other family members and to appreciate and understand that we love and care for all family.
     The total time we were there was about 7 months. In that time so many things occurred. My children grew and flourished like I could never have imagined physically. They matured and learned so many things we could never have taught them here in Orange County, CA. Between raising goats, and attempting a garden, learning to do real yard work (seriously hard labor), how to drive an old beat up farm truck with the gears on the tree (the same one my brothers and boy cousins all learned to drive on), wildlife and how to deal with them without calling animal control. Death of an animal. Loving and training animals. They met new family they had never known was there. They learned to navigate an elderly woman with a nasty temper but, who is also quite childlike many times, that thought ice cream makes all things better. They learned that all churches and peoples ideas of God and how to worship and serve Him was different. They learned that healthy food really is better. And you really can get sick of fast food to the point of craving healthy veggies and fish. They learned to climb trees and swing from the branches. They learned that mud squished between toes is an amazing feeling. They learned that if they were really patient the donkey and even the goats would give them a little ride. They learned that running everywhere was exhilarating and that playing outside without an adult having to keep constant vigilant watch over them was amazing freedom. They learned to entertain themselves without T.V. or video games. They learned to catch crawdads and even what one was. They learned there are an amazing amount of bugs in TN and that there are hardly any bugs in CA worth worrying about. One of my children learned he is severally allergic to many of those bugs. We all learned that a small hole in the ground was to be avoided at all cost (poor Greg and the swarm of hornets!) We learned how to kill a snake and then why some were actually good, even if they creep Dad out. They learned how to fire a gun and how scary and powerful guns really are. They learned that people (kids) from small towns can be as snobby as kids from Orange County. That teenagers are cliche-ish everywhere. One of my children got his first job and learned how rewarding that can be.
     Sadly, all of us learned that Dementia is a cruel disease. That it hurts the person it is in but, that it really hurts so many of the ones that person loves, as well. We learned treating all people with humility and respect are so important. Even when the other person or people aren't nice or respectful to us. That Jesus was kind and He loved those people, even those that hated Him and a glimpse of just how hard that must have been. We learned that you must love someone and tell them that everyday. Whenever you leave from each other you tell them you love them and hug them. You never know when it will be the last time you see them or the last time they know who you are. We learned that just because someone was related to you by blood doesn't mean they love you, or care what you think, or even think about you. (This was an even harder lesson for me then anyone.) We learned that some people that aren't even related to you may love you much more then some you share blood with. We learned that one persons actions in one short period of time can affect not just that person, but a whole group of family and people for several generations-whether for good or bad. (Also, a terrible and hard lesson for me, but also a shockingly positive one too).  We learned that what a person can spend a life time building can by broken down much quicker then it took to build and the opposite too. You don't have to repeat the same life your family did. You don't have to behave the way that others tell you you should. We don't have to live the words that others have put on us. Lost things can be found and have great meaning. That lost people can too.
     So we learned all of that and so much more. Then we came home......



     God had called us to TN to teach us so many things that He wanted and needed us to learn. Then He allowed us to come home. And know that this was home. (This was also a terribly hard lesson).  We know that God has a plan that is so much bigger then we are. We know that sometimes we could never grasp that whole plan and that is why He gives us snippets instead of showing us the whole story.
     I left TN so very angry with God. I know this is a shocking statement to many. It is a shocking statement to me as well. I have lived my life trying to just accept whatever happens, because I know HE knows best. My family has had MANY trials over the life of this marriage, and as hard as they all were to accept I always just would give in knowing He loved me and wanted the best. Don't get me wrong, there have been many times I have cried out in the night screaming WHY!? but, I always was able to give in. This time, ..... I was furious. I was livid and sick. Literally, I had become sick with sadness, disappointment, confusion, and just plan heartache. Hopes, dreams, ideas, and beliefs-all thrown away. I still totally believed in God and knew He was in control but, I was angry at why and how and what He was doing.
     I am slowly getting over some of it. I still am working through other parts, but, the anger is slowly subsiding and now I believe I am going to go through the phases of mourning. Mourning so much. So many things. But, He is in control and wants the best for my family and me. I am trying to give in to this and take time to heal. Take time to regroup and love my family. Let them feel how much I appreciate each one of them.
     A few things I have learned is that my husband is an amazing man with a huge capacity for love, patience and strength. I also learned that he loves me and our children so much more then I could have ever imagined. I also learned that my children are seriously adaptable and they are able to love some very unlovable people. Also, the strength they all have was so neat to see but, my favorite was  how they would all stand up for and care for each other.
     As much as this post leaves others that haven't spent the time with us in our journey with more questions it did serve to give me a place to let some of this out. I am sure as healing comes, so will posts.
     So if you are getting tired of my posts on FaceBook about the beauty and my gratitude for living here in CA, know that I truly am just that-Grateful. And more then that, I am truly blessed by a God that does love me, even when I am so angry at Him.
     As I close this I will end with the verse that seems to have overshadowed our return to CA.


"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the POWER of the Holy Spirit."
Romans 15:13
(emphasis is mine).

I'm No Moses

     Have you ever stopped and wondered how lonely Moses must have been? Or Abraham? What about Esther? Do you think Ruth ever stopped and thought, "What am I doing?! I could be at my parents house right now, eating goat and laughing with my mama. Why am I following this crazy old woman??"

     I read a post by my sweet cousin today. She is a missionary in Nicaragua with her husband and is pregnant with her first sweet baby. http://loveinleon.blogspot.com/2013/06/psalm-139-9-10.html?m=0 ( sorry I'm on my phone version and can't make that look prettier. No Internet for the computer yet). 

     OK. Tell the truth. You just went "oh my!" All of the lonely feelings and fear and emotions you felt when you were pregnant came flooding into your memory. Now you put yourself in a foreign country. Scary huh? And when I read her blog today, my heart aches for her. It is so scary to be pregnant. No matter how much you want to be. But, that is so true of many things in life. 

      God leads us to what he has made us to do at the time that he needs us to do them. We don't get to plan things the way we thing they would be perfect. We don't get to stockpile mounds of money. Or have it be the perfect timing in our eyes. It's all Gods timing and his plans. As a Christian I know that. And can somewhat accept that. As a human? No way! I want to shout somedays, "God, are you paying attention? Why now? Why me? Why can't you check off some of my to do list and needs and desires before I have to do that?" I want to shout, "God, I'm scared. I'm not equipped. No one will believe me. No one will help. I'm alone God. Why?? Why can't you make this easier? Why does it have to be so painful? Why does it have to be so scary?" 

     Funny though, HE's heard all of this a gagillion times. (Yes, that's a number! I think.). 

     Moses said send Someone else. (Exodus 4:13 I've said this before). Abraham said I'm too old. (Genesis 18:11) Sarah just laughed (Genesis 18:12) Esther said why me? (Esther 4:11) The list goes on. God picks those he can use and that bring glory to him. He chose David to kill Goliath (1 Samuel 17; 21:9) so that it would be an amazing feat. A boy kill a giant? Really? We're still talking about it. A young orphan girl saves her outcast, exiled people?(Esther) An old man and lady become mother and father of a nation?(Abraham) There are so many underdog stories in the bible. And they're great. 

But, when we are the underdog, .... It doesn't feel so great. It feels terrifying. Lonely. Too hard. Impossible. Being a child of God isn't always easy. In fact we're guaranteed trials because of being His child. 

     My family moved to a new state. Very far away from where we all grew up and knew everything. Even though we didn't like everything where we lived before, we knew where things were. We knew people. We had our foods that we knew and liked. We knew where places were. 

This new place feels like a foreign country. The people talk with accents and they have words we don't understand. They have customs we don't understand and some we really don't like. (I'm being honest). The food isn't what we are used to and like. Not everyone is glad we are here. 

     We moved here because we had been lead to move here for several years by God's prompting. Those who think that is a crazy statement, may as well stop reading now. It gets deeper. 

When ever we used logic or talked about not going God would do things to get our attention. Some tried to put roadblocks in front of us. Some told us we were crazy. WE said it was crazy. We pleaded with God for other answers. For better scenarios. For different scenarios. But, the reality is that God has a purpose for us and being here in this house, with this lovely, crazy old lady, in this strange town, with strange food, is where we are supposed to be. 

     My husband had a business. A good business. With his family. We had his family near us. We had an ocean view. We had friends. We had familiarity. We had a homeschool group. We had classes we could go to. We had stores we knew and liked. Natural foods, etc were plentiful and easy to get. We had awesome doctors. We had the beach. A church we loved. Wonderful weather, I better not keep going. 

     Now we are in a new land. We are learning new customs. And we are trying to figure out how to do everything in a new way. 

     Why? Some think its to gain material things. That isn't even really possible. And we have given up so many material possessions we have come somewhat, to the opinion that its all just things,and  stuff anyway. 

      Some believe that we were in financial crisis and that's why we're here. That we couldn't care for ourselves anymore. That one is interesting because, we have been in financial crisis, but we were on the recover. We waited on God to pull us through it. Besides we had more predictability with our finances there then we do here. 

     Some just think we are crazy. Maybe they are right. 

     Here is the real story. We have always dreamed of living on a farm. Raising our own food, open spaces, etc.,  etc. 

We love my grandma. We weren't happy with all of the ways that California was going in becoming one of the biggest nanny states. We hated the way we felt like we were always looking over our shoulder to see if someone was taking offense at how we raise our children, etc. 

It was getting more difficult each year to do business in California and make a profit. California is not friendly to the small business owner. We missed having more family around. Family our kids age. Those are all true statements. But, we also had so much we loved where we were. Like I stated above; the beach, family, friends, familiar foods, stores, places, doctors, weather, homeschool, etc. 

All of that aside; we moved because God prompted us. Grandma, has been diagnosed with dementia. She is getting worse. She lives on a big old farm. With space around her. A big house that was empty most of the time. She wasn't even able to sleep at home. All of our family that lives close to her works. And many live too far to help. 

     I'm not sure why God expected us to be the ones to give up our life and care for her but, he did. So we did. It is a ministry. God wants us to be here for this woman who has tried to be a godly woman her whole life. Who has served others, cared for others. Our mission is to be here for her. Love her. Fill the last part of her life with as much joy and peace as we can. In the mean time we get to teach our children what God means about sacrifice. We don't burn goats and sheep anymore. But we are supposed to sacrifice things that are much more difficult. Ourselves. Our comforts. This is a sacrifice. But it's also, such a blessing. I don't know if we'll live here in the south for the rest if our lives or not. I do know that we live here now. And we are supposed to squeeze all of the life out of being here that we can. 

     Am I ruining my children? Many would say it isn't fair to sacrifice your children's childhood (I believe is the way it was told to me by someone) to do something like this. But, we made this decision as a family. They wanted to come before my husband and I did. And how is teaching them by example about God's love bad? They are participating in daily life with Grandma. Her ability to teach them anything is quickly disappearing. But their ability to love her and learn how to care for another above themselves? That is priceless. All Christian parents talk about doing selfless things to teach and share with their kids. God has brought us here to do it. This is life. Right now. It is messy. It is unorganized much of the time. But, to see my Grandma light up to play a game with my two youngest. Or take my older two boys hand to walk across the grass, that is what this about. Her life. Right now. My kids do and will have childhood experiences. But, they will know that somedays Grandma is having a bad day. People all around us everyday have bad days. We need to be extra kind and aware of others around ourselves everyday. How is it that children are supposed to be given all of these "advantages" in toys, places to go, things to do, all geared to a wonderful childhood then suddenly grow up and be giving and self sacrificial? We need to teach by example. 

      My Grandma was the last to sit down at the table. She was the first to get up. She washed dishes, clothes, floors, walls, toilets, sinks, garages, and anything else she could reach. She grew food and canned them and preserved them and fed her family and anyone else that would come to a meal. Many have opinions as to why she was that way. Mine? She knew how to serve others above herself. Don't misunderstand me, no one is a saint. Not even Grandma (family is laughing and nodding) but, each of us cousins had a place to go and be a child. Be fed incredible food. Stay in an impeccably clean home. Run. We would run. All the while I never heard her list all that she had done that day. She did it silently. Everyday. I'm not good at that one. I may do many things during the day, but I want to tell you all I got accomplished. Sorry Grandma. I didn't learn that one. 

     I truly want to be a servant to God. I truly want to raise my children in his favor and his service. I truly want to do His will and graciously take the blessings HE wants to pour out on my family. I have to remember HIS idea of a blessing and my idea of a blessing are surely different sometimes. 

     HE is a good God. HE is a just God. HE is a living Father. HE wants what's best for me and my children. 

     Unfortunately, sometimes, many times, HIS path is lonely. When God is making a David or an Esther, HE doesn't always give them a buddy to do it with. HE wants the glory. Not the buddy not the servant. In our weakness HE is made great. 

     So please, if someone you know does something really counter culture and weird with their lives, try not to judge them by saying that they are being irresponsible. It looks and is irresponsible to the world and society to do many of what God wants. Tithing most of the time in today's world is irresponsible, having too many children, is irresponsible (even though God says all children are blessings), talking to and helping a homeless man is many times scary and irresponsible, moving to a third world country and having a baby there seems irresponsible, giving away most of your possessions and moving into an old lady's cluttered home, going to her church, and living where we know very little seems irresponsible. But, listening to a burning bush and trying to lead a people that only partially wanted you there(Moses) seems irresponsible, spending several years building an enormous boat many, many miles from any body of water(Noah) seems irresponsible, a young boy(David) fighting a giant is hugely irresponsible, marching around a secure city(Jericho) several times a day screaming is irresponsible and crazy, a young orphan girl that suddenly becomes queen throwing away her new found comforts and  her life possibly, to walk into the kings throne room uninvited to her possible death to save a people that saw her as nobody-is irresponsible. However, God knows what HE is doing. We will continue to follow HIS path for our family even though it is lonely. Even though others talk behind our back or worse to our face about how crazy and irresponsible we are being, we will love on Grandma and raise our children in this new life. This new adventure. 

       For the record, we aren't great, awesome, holy people. We are just a couple of people trying yo follow a God that has crazy plans. And hey, when was the last time you did anything "irresponsible" for God? Maybe you should try it. There is a since of freedom in the following HIM instead of controlling all that happens in our lives. 

     Remember what David said, "I will become even more in dignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes."

2 Samuel 6:22

How irresponsible was it to take several years to build a enormous boat many miles from any body of water?!

Similarities between my 4 year old daughter and my 88 year old Grandma

     As we have moved into my grandma's home with all my children, I am noticing how much my grandma 88 years old and my 4 year old daughter are alike. 

     I will begin to list these things as I can below. I know there are lessons to learn from these. Maybe they have the key to joyful living. 

1) Ice Cream is the best food group. 

2) anytime is a good time to swing. 

3) Shirley Temple movies are funny. 

4) Everyone should have a lay down in the afternoon. 

5) Sometimes you should skip dinner to eat ice cream. 

6) Dirt is just dirt. It doesn't hurt. 

7) Lightening bugs are awesome. 

8) Being barefoot feels good. 

9) Horses are beautiful. 

10) Dolls are fun. 

11) Birds, rabbits, squirrels and any other creature that run around the lawn are amazing and fun to chase (my daughter chases while Grandma cheers her on). 

12) They both need help out of the car. 

13) They both love sparkly things. 

14) Both Love flowers. 

15) Both get excited about baby birds and nests. 

16) Both like to count how many birds are on the lawn. 

17) Both laugh at my husbands silly jokes with the same enthusiasm. 

18) Both like baths. 

19) Both love hugs. 

20) Did I mention the commonality of their love for ice cream?

21) don't get in a hurry to go places. Take your time. Others will wait for you. 

This isn't an exhaustive list but, a good thing to pay attention to. I'm saying I think the oldest and the youngest generation are smarter then those that make up the rest of the countries age groups. We think we are so smart, working and being efficient. Look at Grandma and my girlie. Stop, look at the flowers and how the caterpillar is crawling on the leaf. Stop and watch the robin build its nest. There is no hurry. 

Life I too short not to enjoy each minute and eat as much ice cream as you can. 

     So there it is. Life's short. wake up and and have dessert. 

NOT ME!! I DIDN'T DO IT!!

"I am everywhere and I am nowhere."

                  

                


                  Someone eats all of the M&M's I bought to go in a recipe. Someone spills something on the carpet. Someone leaves the yogurt carton out. Someone rips moms notebook pages. Someone opens a soda and sips it a little at a time from the garage refridgerator.  Someone turns the answering machine off. Someone leaves the front door open. Someone leaves the lights on in the bathroom, or the water running. The list could keep going. When you have 4 kids, there is no end to this list. With one child they can only get away with so much. They can't very well blame dad for leaving Legos all over the floor. But with 4 kids, it could be anyone. 
                   The other day my hubby says to Girlie, " Don't kick the back of my seat." We were in the car.
                   Her response? "Hers did it!" Pointing at her Princess doll.
 Leave it to Girlie to find a new twist on that one. (yes she said Hers with an S. Don't know why she does that. A 3 year old quirk.)

                   Boy number  2 was asked to throw away a box of doughnuts that we had for 2 days and Dad and I had decided the kids had enough sugar.  There was a chocolate doughnut left in the box.
                  "Boyo 2, don't eat the doughnuts in the box. Just take them out to the big trash. They are old and we don't want you to eat them. Do you understand?"
                 "Yes."
                  2 minutes later Boyo number 2 came in the door with chocolate all over his face.
                "Why did you eat that doughnut?
                 "I didn't eat anything."
                Yes, it was a fib. And yes there were consequesnces. But, really we set him up to a certain degree. We didn't think about it but, really... How could he not eat it? At least that is what many would say. I think we are supposed to own up to what we do and exercise self control when ever possible.
             Sometimes these moments are comical like the cartoon above. But, the character traits that need to be worked on are glaring. The self control monster is a difficult one to tame for all of us. A piece of cake here. Over indulgence there. And owning up to something that we did is hard as well. Not just for a kid afraid of punishment but, for the adult afraid of the world knowing our shame. Do I really want everyone to know that I go into the pantry each day and eat a couple squares of chocolate? O.K. how about that maybe it isn't chocolate. Maybe someone wants to sneak a cigarette? Or something else. (I don't ). What about my vegetarian friend? What if she has a terrible craving for a double double with lots of onions from In-N-Out? Oh what if those couples in your bible study group knew that when you stepped on a Lego in the night you yelled out a stream of cuss words?
              O.K. you get the picture. What I am saying is that if I am going to be working on my own children's character flaws, it stinks but, I got to work on mine as well.
            So, here's to deciding which flaws to start with because, if you are anything like me-you've got a few. If you are unsure of your flaws, just ask your spouse or children. They'll know.
      By the way is that your 4th cup of Starbucks this week? And by the way it's monday.... hee hee.

A Wedding Gift (this one was written awhile ago and forgotten. So, I'll post it now just because. )

            So, a very sweet cousin of mine just got married. She is one of those people that you just want to be around. Smiling, vivacious, and beautiful. People can't help but notice her when she walks in the room. She is quite tall and striking. But, I'm writing because she is a newlywed. She is a new wife. Someday hopefully, a mama. She will be running a household. Her job will be extensive as those of us that have already taken on this job know.
            I am late with my gift because I have really wanted to get a gift that would be used and remembered. One that she would actually use. She will be living in Nicaragua for the first bit of her marriage. She is a missionary and now she is bringing her sweet new husband with her. So you can see my dilimna in that she won't be bringing all of the normal wedding gifts with her. Blenders, toasters, china, it will all be packed away in her parents attic until they return from their mission trip is over. I wanted to give her something she could use now.
            So, what have I decided on, you ask. Advice. I know, go ahead and groan. I'm no expert. I didn't go to college to be a marriage counselor. But, I am blessed with a marriage that I am so happy to be in everyday still. There aren't days that I wake up wishing I were somewhere else. Now that doesn't mean everything is always just the way I wish. No while my darling daughter threw up on my foot and all over the floor this morning, laying on a beach in Hawaii with a sweet iced tea, with an umbrella in my hand sounded divine. But, that is normal. It also doesn't mean that nothing bad has ever happened in our married time together. No in fact there are days I think we are getting more then our share of stressful, difficult times. Money troubles, horribly ill children, bedrest for months, family crisis, and so much more. But, it is those times over the almost 20 years that have brought us closer and love each other more.
              I will tell you that my husband and I have been together for 22 years this next Christmas. We have been married for 19 this July. I love him more then I did on that July afternoon 19 years ago and he is very truly my best friend.
              First, I ordered some books that I think are great for starting a marriage. A blank book to keep a "household book" as they used to call it in the old days. Or to journal ideas and advice. Recipes. Gathering of ideas on how to do something special for someone. The front says, "We remember moments  not days."I think that is so appropriate. It is true.
             Other books I ordered for her are: 1001 Ways to be romantic . I bought this book when we were getting married. I have used it many times over the years, not only for us and building our relationship but, for getting especially extra special gifts for anyone that you want to make an impression on. All of the ideas are different and out of the ordinary. He teaches you that romantic just means that you thought about that person and you know them, and think that what they say is important enough to remember. Who doesn't want a gift like that. Also, no matter how much time goes by, or how many kids you have, or what house or city you live in, it is essential that you always remember that you married him for a reason. That he married you for his own reasons. Remember that the marriage is the first thing to nurture. Not the kids and not everyone else in the families emotions.
             I got her two books on celebrating traditions. Celebrating the Christian year , and Celebrations that touch the heart are both books to help you come up with some fun traditions to start in your family. Both from a Christian point of view. I believe traditions can be super grounding. A way to pull the family in together. If you hear or kids that lived through very difficult lives growing up, it always seems to be the "traditions" that their family did that they clung to. That may sound weird but if a child that doesn't grow up with overwhelming love and joy and Christ in their life and those moments made them feel good and able to make it through another day, then what more can it do for our families?
             A Christmas memory book with their name on it. I bought one for Greg and I our first Christmas and we have been writing in it every year. We put in a picture and the card we sent. It is great to look back and see how God has blessed us from year to year.
             The Encyclopedia of Modern Cooking, I use mine to find interesting and new (old) recipes to share with my family. Why is this important? Because food/flavors is associated with memories. And Food is a good way to start traditions. My family growing up always made certain foods to go with particular holidays. I have continued some and added some of our own. Also, family comes back to the dinner table. It is good for us to eat together, break bread together. The dinner table is the place that as they grow up and move out we can still get them to come to and eat. And if they have a good memory attached to a particular food even better. Eating times should be associated with enjoyable moments.
             The Red Plate: we use this each night at dinner. We rotate who gets it. When you get it each person at the table has to tell you why you are special today. This not only teaches us to give and receive compliments (it's funny how we have had visitors come to dinner and they don't want the red plate because they don't know how to take a compliment. ) But, you also stop and think what happened that day, with that person. This helps us not take each other for granted. Did he wash your car today? Did she scrub the floor? Or Did they work so hard today for someone else and you noticed how hard they worked. It feels good to have someone say that they noticed.
             The package is sealed up now so I think that was all of it. I hope they like the gift. It is much work to locate each piece but, a well thought our marriage is going to be nurtured and thought of . Our marriages need to be thought of and purposely cared for. You can't get married and think that is the end of it. It keeps going. And the more people involved the harder it can become to nurture your own marriage. Whether it is a mother in law or a sister or children that come later. All will try to pull your attention away from your marriage. And many times we have the attitude that it will always be there. That now that the ceremony is over you can file it and put it on the back burner. Your marriage should always be on the front burner. Next to your relationship with God.
             O.K. the box is ready to send and my soap box is over. Thanks for taking the time to read this today. I hope it blessed you in some way.

The Hair Clip Distaster

             Little girl was on the toilet and starts screaming. I go running in to see what has happened.
She has dropped her hair clip down into the toilet where she has gone,... poop.
"Get it Mommy!! Get it out! Don't flush it!"
"No."
"Mommy, get it!! I want it. I love it! It's my favorite!"
" I am not putting my hand in there with your poop for a hair clip."
Disgusted look and angry darts blazed from her eyes.
"Get Daddy. He'll do it for me. D-A-D-D-Y!!!"

Dad replies, "I'll buy you a new one."
Girlie, "O.K. Daddy."

Really. I get glares and he gets an O.K. Daddy? I guess I was the one that flushed.

Stalker!!

Me: "Please carry the basket of clean clothes upstairs."
14 year old son: "Who will carry it when you get old?"
Me:"You."
Son:"What if I move away? To .....Alabama?"
Me: "I will move with you. Follow you"
Son: "That's called a Stalker."
Me: "That's called a Mom."

Things I Never Thought I would Hear or Say.

A day to remember.....

          


There are so many things on a daily basis that one of my kids will say and I will think, "did he/she really say that?"

            Couple from today:
I went to buy a new bra and I took my girlie (3) with me. I went to Nordstrom's because it has been so long since I went to buy a nice one that I was a bit overwhelmed by the choices.
I was in the dressing room trying on a bra as the sales lady left to get a couple more choices for me.
Girlie says (in her loudest voice), "Mommy, is this the BIG BOOBY STORE!"
giggles... from the other dressing rooms.....


            The next one was this morning. (Yes, I live an exciting life with these kids).
My youngest son and my girlie are in the tub while I am putting on my make-up. I had washed my hair last night and slept on it. So I wanted to wet it so I could style it. I thought, "Oh there is a tub with nice hot water. "
So, I leaned over the tub and used a cup to start wetting my hair. About half-way through, girlie says with a giggle, "Mommy, I peed in here."
FREEZE.
O.K.  So, there is a couple of the things I never thought I would hear. I will add as time goes on and the things I never thought I would have to say as well.

Frozen Yogurt

            I'm not a huge fan of frozen yogurt. I mean, really what is the benefit that is so great that out weighs ice cream? I LIKE ice cream. I really like ice cream. Why yogurt? It's like being on a diet and trying to pretend that you aren't. Like eating carob instead of milk chocolate. Really? Then we go and there isn't even chocolate mint. To me that is the only flavor even worth eating yogurt. So I get "Just Chocolate". That is really the name of it. Like, (in a dejected exhaling moan) "I guess I'll get Just Chocolate...." Yea! nothing says yum like Just Chocolate.
           So here I am eating frozen yogurt and it is getting cold outside. Yes, there were no seats inside. And I started telling my 2nd that he shouldn't steal his sisters mini chocolate chips. "Besides," I say,"they look like little mouse poops."
            Husband says, " Hey Heth, there is one right there."
             One what, I'm thinking.
           "You better look down. It's right there. "
            "Yea, right. " I know I can be gullible and I just said mouse but, really? I'm not fall!!!!.... AAAAAHHHHH!!! THERE IS A MOUSE UNDER MY CHAIR! SERIOUSLY! UNDER MY CHAIR!!! 
            Both legs pull up. OH NO! I don't do mice! Rodents are disgusting. OOOOO! It is nasty. Well, I realize I am pulling a famously wonderful mom moment. Again, because both of the "Littles" are shaking, have big eyes and are squealing in unison. I wait until the creepy little thing is not where I can see it anymore. Pick up my Frozen Yogurt (That stuff wasn't good or my idea. And a super gross waste of time) and toss the rest in the trash. I declare I'm cold and leaving. The Littles follow suit. Little Girlie licking a bit more of the Pink yogurt she is eating (with the mouse poop chips on it) and tosses the rest without question (this was Girlie. The one that questions everything). And jumps in the car saying,"And carry azezes (in english that is diseases)."
            O.K. I have scarred my children for life. Although the Bigs have faired quite well over the years with my mouse/rodent phobia. You know the usually giggles and peels of laughter as I walk by the little hairy monsters and shiver at the pet store. That kind of thing.
           The worst part? My brother was reminding me on the phone how Jaws had scared me when I was a kid so I wouldn't go in the ocean for half the summer. Him, he thought the movie was cheesy. He just knew King Kong was way worse anyway. My boys, having heard this conversation start saying, "I think we should call the mouse Jaws. Did you see jaws under the table mom? Ha ha ha ha!"
          The other one is a bit quicker in saying, "Not Jaws. NIBBLES!! Nibbles the Ferocious! Ha ha ha ha!"
           Great, now I'll be haunted by my children and Nibbles the killer baby mouse (Oh did I leave out the part where I was supposed to say it was a baby mouse. SO CREEPY!!). And no it isn't cute!!

I was going to put a picture of a
baby mouse but, I couldn't bring myself
to do it!! 

What Is Your Ministry?!

      



  

             I am a homeschool mom. I do not work for money outside of my home. I am home often. (Not always). And I am raising 4 children and teaching them what they need to know. I am also a wife. Our family is pretty traditional for the most part. He goes out and works all day and I am home teaching the kids and trying to manage the home in between. The house isn't always as managed as it should be. (When did I change the sheets last?) I also volunteer at our church for Kids Small Group once a week. Which is a bible study for each of the kids by age. This year I will be teaching one hour a week at our new co-op and volunteering 2 more hours there a week. Now I am on the board for our homeschool group. (That has been like a full time job the last 2 months.) No I'm not super mom or overly energetic. I really have a hard time getting through the day without a glass of sweet tea and a couple squares of chocolate around 4 p.m. I get cranky and frustrated. I get tired and worn out feeling. I'm a mom. Just like you.
             I want to share with you something I learned recently. I was feeling kind of... unimportant in the scheme of Gods' workers. I felt like my contributions to the world wasn't a whole lot.  I mean, there are days that I don't leave my house or carry on a conversation with someone that wouldn't think twice about wiping their nose on me mid-sentence. Because of schooling at home, I don't even have the mad dash of waving at other moms in the parking lot dropping or picking up some days. I spend my days singing the ABC's, checking spelling words, reading history, checking over math problems, coloring, cutting pasting, correcting term papers (my oldest has a couple of classes outside of our home), cooking, laundry, cleaning up, sweeping, planning, organizing, reorganizing, refereeing, screaming, laughing, crying, maintaining. You get the picture. Then you get a call from a friend saying they are going on a mission trip to dig wells in Africa, and another friend goes to Malaysia to share hygiene information, and then at church they are pitching for our kids to go on the mission trip to Mexico to build an orphanage. Oh yea, then there is my cousin that went to live in Nicaragua for 2 years to help at an orphanage and school. To teach about Jesus.
             Funny. I love my life. This one that God has blessed me with. Even all of the ups and downs. I am saddened by the people not blessed in the same way I am. So now I start feeling insignificant. Tiny. Unimportant.  Why aren't I going to Africa, or somewhere... I am not very worthy....  so I have spent many days on this thought and prayed fervently. Well, that is where the board position came in. Thanks God. I didn't say I didn't have anything to do. That I needed to fill my days. They are full. Why would you give me more things to do with so little time to do the things that I am responsible for now?
             That is when I heard it. Several times actually. It seems to be a theme. Several people have said the phrase to me, I have heard it in a song a couple of times, even the sermon had the phrase in it a few weeks ago.
"You have been put here for such a time as this." That is the phrase. Am I the only one that gets kinda weirded out by telling people what they hear God telling you? (Yes, I know weirded isn't a real word, word Nazi's). It's true. I have heard it over and over for the last 3 weeks. Well, if you know your bible, you know that phrase comes from Esther 4:14. The second part of the verse reads, "... And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"
               Wow. I have always loved the book of Esther because it's the book in the Bible that God himself isn't speaking or have a Prophet speaking for him. Esther and her family have to listen for God like we do. Maybe less. Esther is during the time when God was silent. Esther didn't see a burning bush. I don't know about you but, I always found it a bit unfair that Moses sees and hears a burning bush and I have to only rely on prayer and reading my Bible.  Well, I don't think God is silent now. We just aren't listening. I'm listening now.
                 I have come to realize in my many quiet times, that I am very significant. My contribution is really important. Before I was leading my homeschool group I was/am raising 4 disciples and christian soldiers to go out into the world to spread the gospel. To change the world. I have always known that I have been blessed with wonderful children. I have always known that they aren't mine
               Since my prayers for insignificance, God (as usual) is laughing at me. But, he is also cheering me on. As he cheers you on everyday. Ladies, being a wife and mother is an important ministry (at least it can be). Homeschooling your children is a huge ministry. So many just don't get why you do what you do. You do it because you have been called. Let's face it, many of us would love to drop our kids for several hours a day and be able to clean our house, work out, meet for lunch or coffee, grocery shop without sticky fingers grabbing everything on the shelf and distracting you from your list.
                 We have chosen the road less traveled. When neighbors and strangers look at us, they look with much more scrutinizing eyes. We could never exclaim to most of our neighbors or family for that matter, that we had a rotten day and didn't get any school work done today. Their answer would be, "Put them in school already." It's like complaining to someone that doesn't believe in breast feeding that your nipples are chapped. "Use a bottle."
                 I now realize that my job to minister isn't just to my family and neither is yours. My ministry is you. The other moms and especially other homeschool moms. Your ministry is me. Ladies, we are sisters in Christ. That makes us bonded to each other. We are the leaders preparing all of our children to go out and dig wells, teach orphans, help the poor, salvage a town after a disaster, all of the things we are commanded to do. You are not doing a tiny unimportant job. You are doing a huge job. You are raising up disciples. I know I have said it a few times. It is true.
                  Now have I scared you a little with the huge sense of responsibility that you have? Good. Now is the good part. You aren't alone. Not only do you have me; but best of all, you have God.
"Finally, be strong in the Lord, and in his mighty power." Ephesians 6:10
                 NOW, GIVE ME 50!!!  Hugs, words of encouragement, cups of shared coffee (or glasses of tea), trips to the park to encourage and build me up, of Mom's Night Out- to love and laugh with each other. Give me the love and support I need and I promise to be there for you as well. We can do this. You are important. And who knows, maybe one day you will lead a mission trip to the deepest part of the Amazon or to the top of a freezing mountain. What is your ministry now? What are you supposed to do to further God now? 

Keeping My Sense of Humor

        

"Do you like my silly face, Mom?"

           Who knew that raising kids would be so.... funny? I mean, we all have moments when we want to cry, and especially times we want to scream (and truthfully many times we do both). But, laugh? No one told me this. I used to love comedies, at the movies, now who needs them? I've got kids. Right? And the amount of children you have living under your roof is directly correlated with how often you will laugh. Well, that is if you remember to stop and look around at the absurdity of the situation you are in.
            Examples are plentiful, but let me share a couple from the last couple of days. Night before last, I had gotten everyone in bed, and was enjoying my end of the day shower. You know when I get to wash off all of the "stuff" that has accumulated on me. Both physically and emotionally (I pray a LOT in the shower). I emerged feeling peaceful and calm, only to open the curtain to see 2 year old girlie standing there. I gave her my stern, "You better get your booty in bed." This was followed by her mumbling something and whimpering. I repeated as I followed her, as did she, mumbling and whimpering. After I successfully chased her back to bed, I finally told her, "I can't hear you with your binky in your mouth" and pulled it out. When she promptly said, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" very sleepily. I snapped, "To get to the other side! Now go to sleep!"
This was all followed by my darling husband busting up in the hall outside her room. "O.K. It's funny, but, I was focused." He said, "focused? You didn't miss a beat!"
               Flash to today, same said 2 year old is sitting on the potty, throwing a bit of a tantrum. I am really not sure why. She's 2! Does it really need anymore explanations?! So in the midst of the tears, screams, and (let's face it ) drama, she screams. "I'm a BIG GIRL! WHAAAAA!" Yes, I did step back and laugh. I have felt this very feeling in the midst of a break down but, it is still no less ironic to those around.
               The comedy of the moment is many times forgotten and brushed aside. Mom is often tired, busy, or even feeling less then joyful and the moment is lost. A moment that God put there to lighten the feeling. But, I worry that if I am not paying attention or someone isn't, we will miss those moments. Mom's breathe. This is that time when we are down in the trenches and it gets hot, messy, stinky, and darn it, I want my tea!! But, God is blessing you with the tiny moments. Pick your head up out of the trench and look back into it. Life with kids, is funny. I know my family has been known to make perfect strangers laugh. So often I have wanted to snap, "I'm glad you think my life is so entertaining! I'm so happy I could make YOU laugh today!" That is when we need to look back in. It is funny.
                O.K. gotta go. 2 year old girlie is missing and quiet. Not a good combo. Last time I heard this much silence in my house, the now 10 year old boy was redecorating his bedroom with a container of baby powder. Yea, not pretty. I think he was 2 then as well. Gotta love toddlers.

P.S. I found her. She came crawling in the room with her brothers raccoon skin cap on saying, "I'm a skunk mommy. Oh what do skunks do?" Yea, gotta stop and laugh a little each day.

Spending Time With Each Other

           We are going to the aquarium tomorrow. My youngest son is very excited. Well, they all are. I mean, it's a field trip right? Who doesn't like a field trip. And one big enough there isn't much of a chance of being able to get home in time to do school work.
            We never really did many field trips before. I guess I mean, before things started to change for us financially. It always seemed like we could do it another day. My husband needed to work, I needed to do laundry. Whatever it was, there were other things to do. We could do those neat field trips later. I guess.  While my husband was out of work we spent a lot of time together as a family. Everyday really. It was strange but, kind of wonderful too. We all actually like each other. I did laugh that my husband and I were turning into my mom and dad. You know, always together. He would drop me off for my haircut appointments and come back to get me. Not to save money. Just because we were always together. All of that together time did something to us though. Something strange that you wouldn't have expected. It made us appreciate each other and the time we spend together. My husband was there to see everything we do all day and even was a part of it. Yes, we were freaked out that he wasn't working and that we might have to move into a cardboard box. But, we clung to each other more. Truth moment- I was scared.  I was so scared that I could cry now thinking about it. We aren't out of the clear. We are still struggling but, God is providing for us our daily bread. That is what he has promised. We really learned to look to each other for strength and comfort. I know many couples break up or fight tremendously during financial disaster. We didn't. Don't get me wrong, our life wasn't sunshine and rainbows. We were both scared. We had just had  baby number 4 and everything collapsed. What do you do?
              Back to field trips. Why are they so important now? Because it occurred to us both in that time of hardship and togetherness that we don't know what is around the next bend. We don't know how much time we have. We may plan for the next 5 years but, who says God is going to give us 5 years?  And (as our pastor said a couple of weeks ago) what are you going to do with them, worthwhile to deserve them? Are you spending your time always assuming you have plenty of time to do whatever? Or do you live to serve Him and love those people God has blessed you with? If it is a picnic in the park, a walk in the harbor, even a trip to the aquarium. Make the time you have here count. Don't make God sad he gave it to you. Also, speak up for Him. The neighbor you see everyday getting the mail, does he know Christ? What, are you keeping salvation a secret? Do you think God wants to have a secret society? I don't think so. I once read a mad, ranting letter from a step-daughter to her parents. She said she didn't believe in God. Also, if they did, and believed that she and everyone else that didn't give their life to Christ was going to Hell, why are we Christians so placid about it? Why don't we scream from the mountain tops? Are we so selfish we want to keep Heaven for ourselves? Whoa. what?  This girl really said, that if we truly looked around us with our Christian eyes on, and thought that these people are going to burn in hell for eternity, how can we live with ourselves? Isn't saving someone from burning in hell for eternity worth a period of uncomfortable awkwardness? This really freaked me out. Try it. Look around you and who is it that says they don't believe there is a God and you think, they're entitled to their opinion. Really? Do you really believe it is an opinion? Or is it the Truth? Yes, this is a night time rant, but, this is what is in my brain tonight.
                In short (too late), spend time with the ones you love. They and you won't always have each other. It could be you in the IHOP eating dinner alone, watching the other younger families eating together. Wishing you had one more day to visit with your husband, wife, kids, whoever. Don't you want to have wonderful memories of your darling ones? Better yet, hopefully they will ask you to dinner. Then, live for God. He died for you. Who would you die for?
               God loves you and wants to spend time with you. So  does your family. Who is it you need to spend time with? Your Grandma? Your spouse? Your kids?
               End of nighttime rant. Now go love on the family God blessed you with. I'll be petting sharks tomorrow. Bye.

I have a teen in the house.

         Wow! I can't believe it was 13 years ago that I had my first labor and delivery. Man was that the longest 2 days of my life!!! Well, 13 years ago my darling boy came into this world. He hardly cried. He looked right at my husband and just stared as they put him under the warm lights. He is still that way. Watching everything around him. Mellow. What a blessing this little guy has been for me. He still is.
          My heart strings are being pulled tightly as he grows into a man and needs more independence. I am glad he his maturing in this manner but, I wonder about other areas. I wonder where his brain has gone. I wonder why he thinks that slow is the best pace for EVERYTHING! I wonder why he still thinks bodily functions are so funny. I wonder if he will let me hug him in public again. I wonder why it makes ME laugh so much to freak him out by dancing in the car (he will actually hide his face from other  cars. Like he is going to see those people ever again?). I wonder why I can embarress him so easily (and why it makes me laugh just a little sometimes). I wonder if he will always be nice to his sister. I wonder what he will become. I wonder if we have taught him everything he needs to know up to this point. I wonder when a girl will break his heart. And will he even tell us. I wonder what kind of girl he will marry.
           Being a mom to a teen-age boy is so weird. I talked to some friends last night that have been through this. They assured me that he will come back. He will hug me again of his own free will someday. He will find his brain and be able to communicate again with me and his dad. They did tell me that it will never be the same. He will be big forever now. We can never go back. Gone are the days of him sitting on my lap to read a book. Or him grabbing my hand and skipping down the street. He will probably never let me kiss his face all over just because.
           I am proud of him thus far on his road. I will try to be a pleasant bystander to the rest of his growing up. I guess to the rest of his life.
            I love you my big guy and hope you have a great day. May God hold you close and you listen to His gently prodding with your choices.