My first child. My son. My precious little darling. I loved him so much that it actually, physically hurt me. I didn't know that I could live that much. My heart swelled. It was huge with love for him.
He grew. He loved me back. He would grab my hand. He'd cuddle up next to me to watch his favorite show. When we were apart, he'd squeal, and ran to me, so excited to see me
And the best part? Sometimes when I was really blessed, he'd look at me, and say, "Mommy, I love you."
What more would any mom want? Yes I was smitten by my firstborn son.
Well, he's growing up. He has hit many milestones. One by one. I celebrated each one. His Birthday came yesterday. He turned 15. I thought that was a big deal. Then today happened.
Today my oldest son was learning to drive. He and my husband got in the 1972 Jeep Commando that my husband restored. The thing is super hard to drive. It's a stick shift. No power anything. Not brakes, steering. And certainly not windows. My husband says if he can drive that he can drive anything.
So, there we go. My baby boy driving. He was so intense. Very focused. I was so proud. And misty all at once. He drove by our house about 5 times.
Well, it's happening. He's growing up. I'm so happy he's growing up. Also very proud. But, I'll tell you the truth. It is happening. Going quickly are the days when I am his favorite person in his life. That is good. But still pulls at a moms heart strings. Especially when it is the first born. First there will be driving, then college classes, his job and a woman. Not any woman. THE woman. The woman that will take my place. Is it weird that I see my son driving and I go to the woman that will hold my sons heart??
I'm so excited for those days to come. I am nostalgic for the cuddle time on the couch and the little boy squealing that I'm home. So here I am. Quite aware that I am watching the end of my little boys mother worship. Have you been here? How am I supposed to feel?
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