I read an article that cut me right to the quick. This mom wrote; The Opposite of a 'Tiger Mother": leaving your children behind. I was shocked that this woman wrote this and expected people to agree with her. Thought that there was many women that she was freeing from the bonds of motherhood. Well, maybe she will strike a cord with some women. But, how terribly sad for those children. I know she says that the kids are happy and like the arrangement but, what else could they say? First, children are adaptable. We have heard tale of children growing and even thriving in conditions that were unbearable to most of us. God made them rubbery. Bounce-able. She is sighting that men have done it for generations and, no one thinks any less of them. I disagree. Whether you are a mom or dad, that is the child that God blessed you with. There are many couples miserably suffering without children. They aren't just your responsibility, they should be your delight to care and love them.
No, a man that choses to move 3,000 miles away from his children and not want any custody of them is despicable. Just like her. Children are not expendable. They need parents to love and guide them. Is this the Ultimate Me time or what?! That is how this starts you know. First, you buy into the, "I need ME TIME. So I can be a good parent. " The next progression is Vacations away (Yes, this really is encouraged in many parenting magazines today). To finally, society accepting this. A mother's abandonment of her children. I am appaled that this woman carried these children in her womb, supposedly was an attachment parent, and even a family bed mom. Then she leaves? How does that happen? Did anyone check her mental stability? Really, it sounds like the marital issues got the best of her. She feels slighted because her husbands job takes him away for days at a time and she is feeling abandoned by him. "It isn't fair if my husband doesn't take his turn caring for the kids." Have you heard that? How about, "take turns with getting up in the night to feed your baby. Even if you breast feed, he can go get the baby for you." These comments breed discontent. Life isn't fair. Remember hearing that in school? Marriage isn't a series of checks and balances.
"You take this trash out now and I will take it next time."
What happens if he is paying the bills right then and you have to do it again? Are you going to get mad because, after all, it is his turn. This is where we get into trouble. Trying to make everything "fair" and "even". Is that love? Or is it marriage? Raising a family with someone else is caring for each other. You have strengths. So does your spouse. Use them. Maybe instead of each of you taking a turn going out with your friends for awhile, you could hang out together, or go for a walk somewhere together.
Your children will not always be little. There will be a day when they are all gone and you will have plenty of ME TIME. Yes, there are always days where we moms feel overloaded, and depleted. This will pass. You need to pray and ask God to fill you with HIM. That is why starting your day with prayer, meditation and His word is the best way to fight off these tiring days. Someday there will be no more diapers. Someday there will be no one waking you with a bad dream. God wants you to love these little ones. Everyday. Not when it is convenient.
One more perspective story and I will step away from this sad story. There is a very good Christian singer, Jana Alayra. She missed a red light on her way to church one day with her kids in the car. She was hit by another car and the car spun around. One of her beautiful little girls didn't make it. Here she was a busy mom like the rest of us. Busy, and probably running a little behind, like the rest of us. And in an instant her life was forever missing one of it's heartstings. I know this is a harsh story and sad. But, please stop and think for a minute that every minute you have with your child or spouse could be the last moment you have with them. Do you really want it to be yelling at them? Or telling them all how you are not getting your fair share of time to yourself? Stop and think about what is important.
I know you are tired and yet you have no time to sleep. You can get through this rough patch. You will become a better person because of it and in the mean time are you motivating your child to reach higher than you did. Are you letting your spouse know that you are so blessed to be married to someone that loves you so much? God has put you with the right child for you. Even though you might not see eye to eye. That is why God made two parents for your child. You can bounce off of each other. In the mean time, love each other. Spend time with each other. Find joy in each other.
My son, keep your father’s command and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.
I wonder ladies, how can a child keep to his mother's teaching if his mother has abandoned him.
